Biggest fear about being a Mom

lach1137

Just curious now that we are getting closer to the "big day"...I am a FTM, so of course I have many fears...but..What's your biggest fear about being a Mom?

I'll go first - I'm worried my children won't like me, and DH will be the favorite. I can get frustrated sometimes, so I am worried patience will be an issue with me..trying to work on it :-)

I am also worried that since I make more $$ that I'll be the one working all the time, and DH will get more of the quality time with the baby. This of course lending itself to my first fear! :-)

What about you?

PregNerd

I don't know if I'm quite ready to open this can of worms just yet!

But - I'm scared of PPD. 

I'm scared that DH will be so in love with the LO that I will become a distant second and it will put a strain on our marriage.

I'm scared that  I will alienate my mother because I plan on doing things differently than she did and she doesn't understand/respect how we want to do things.

I'm scared that I will never be at a good place with my body again - or that I will go to unhealthy lengths to get happy. 

I'm scared because I don't know how to be a parent and I don't know much about babies/infants/children.

I'm scared of the world that we are bringing children into - a world where 12yrs olds commit suicide because of bullies. I don't know if I can do enough to help this child become secure and independent to counteract the social pressures they will have to deal with. 

There are many, many more, but these are just the ones that came to mind. 

hopingforbaby2011

This is kind of a silly worry but here's mine. 

I'm worried that I won't know how to pick up both babies at the same time.  The first few weeks I'll have someone with me so it won't be an issue, but since I'm going to be a SAHM I'm going to be by myself a lot eventually.

chicagocubsfan23

The biggest fear I have is that I'll end up being like my mom. We didn't get along AT ALL when I was growing up, she has some issues and I really think she needs to see a professional. So now there's just this HUGE strain on our relationship. I don't want my kids to feel like that about me. I'm hoping, though, that since I know what she did that made our relationship this way, it will be easy for me not to do those things.

MissButters

I'm terrified I'll end up with a kid who is cruel to animals.  It's one reason I was kind of not wanting a boy because I *feel* like they have more of a tendency to have that problem (with absolutely no basis for that assumption).  I want to make sure I raise a kid of who is compassionate to all living creatures.  I also worry my kid will be a bully.  This goes back to wanting to make sure he has compassion for everyone and everything.

 I'm also worried my kid will be a druggie.  I worry that MH and I won't be on the same page with him.  I think MH will be much more lenient when he's older than I will be.  I have no problem trusting a kid, but once that trust is broken, then I feel like they lose the privilege of trust.  

I worry that most of the work of taking care of the baby will fall on my and I'll go crazy.  MH is great at doing big projects when he wants to do them, but not the best about helping with day to day tasks.  

Oem617

Pretty much everything...

Mindi1020

I'm worried that DH's and my relationship will go down the tubes...even though we both know we have to work at it and are fully committed to working at it. It still scares me.

I'm scared my kid will be a huge brat that I am embarrassed to take in public.

I'm scared that I will hate breast feeding so much that I will quit when I shouldn't. I know it's better for the baby, but I'm really not excited about it at all.

There are probably more, but I can't think of them right now. 

mattnrachel

I'm not much of a people person.  Up until recently my biggest fear has been that I won't like my child.  I have to stop and remind myself that this isn't just some random person being plopped into my life.  I enjoy my family and my husband and I will enjoy my little buddy.

SummerMama12

I'm already a mom, so most of everyone's fears I have had!  With the second child, my fear is that I will never again get any time to myself.  Each of us will always have one kid we're assigned to, so to speak.  I fear that.  I *need* my decompression time (especially after a long work day) or I become a major b1tch.

kaybee10

ashcurious:

Pretty much everything...

 Lol I second this, pretty much everything that has been said has crossed my mind as a fear.  Pretty much boils down to the fear of the unknown and how much changes will come and the fear of being a good mom and having a good child. 

I have to agree that the world now a days really is something that I worry about.  My cousin is having so many mental/emotional issues, her teenage years have been so hard on my aunt and uncle.  Society these days scares me for my children.

AshleyR711

I'm having a girl and I'm scared of raising a teenage daughter. I wasn't that bad, but I'm so scared of attitudes, body image issues, and boys and it's all too much. I know all I can do is create a safe wonderful foundation for her and hope she can figure out the rest with my help, but girls are so much more work this way than boys.

 I'm scared that this has finally become a reality and I will never ever have the same realtionship with anyone ever again because of my daughter.

I haven't met her, yet I love her so much I'm so scared that my own worry about stupid thigns in life will make her become someone with anxiety and worry, and I want her to always feel safe, secure, and confident. I want to create a different enviorment for her than my own parents did free of excessive change, uncertainity, and enviorment changes.

Mostly I'm afraid of being scared.

I know I will be a great mom, and I know my husband will be a great father. I just need to take it one day at a time like i've done for the first twenty weeks. Our whole lives are changing and I just realized that nothing will ever be the same again. This is so much better than getting married, it only makes me love my husband more for creating a PERSON for us to love equally forever that we created. It's an amazing thing really, and a lot of resonsiblity. The biggest thing any of us can do!

Now I want to cry. I'm so sentimental. Damn these hormones.

 

Brandyjean30

I'm afraid of LO being like me. I have always joked that kids would be my karma but having a little girl really scares me. I was stubborn and hated my parents for trying to help me through anything in life. It led to some horrible things happening to me. I always say no one could have helped me to learn those things and I had to hit that rock bottom. Now knowing LO is a girl I fear for the things she will have to learn and her resenting me for trying to protect her from them.

PrimReaper

PregNerd:

I'm scared of the world that we are bringing children into - a world where 12yrs olds commit suicide because of bullies. I don't know if I can do enough to help this child become secure and independent to counteract the social pressures they will have to deal with. 

This.  And many others.  I'm not scared of how people feel about how I parent, making mistakes or being liked by my kids because I've been through and am still going through that.  I embrace my mistakes and tell my children when I've made them.  I know some days my eldest doesn't like me as much as she does on other days.  And I know that people judge my parenting styles.  As much as I judge theirs.

However, I'm terrified about instilling the right values in my children and allowing them freedom to make some of their own decisions without hovering over them.  I still worry daily about my oldest falling and scraping her knees, or any of my kids facing illness or injury.

I know the fear is never going to end but I also know that some fears come to realization and you can look back and know you made it through.

0ashley

lach1137:

I'm worried my children won't like me, and DH will be the favorite. I can get frustrated sometimes, so I am worried patience will be an issue with me..trying to work on it :-)

I am also worried that since I make more $$ that I'll be the one working all the time, and DH will get more of the quality time with the baby. This of course lending itself to my first fear! :-)

I have this exact same fear. DH is supposed to stay home with LO three days a week. He works 2 days/week and I work 5. It's great that we only need PT daycare, but if he doesn't contribute to household work, cooking, laundry, or anything now. I doubt he'll start once LO comes. So I'll be twice as pissy when I come home because the house will twice as disgusting. I'm afraid I'll be such a biitch and pretty resentful towards him. And he keeps asking if he can be a SAHD! Yeah right, he won't even wash a dish or put away his clean clothes. What he wants to is to stop working, expects me to keep working FT while I'm a FT student, and also wants to do everything at home.

I am of course also afraid that I won't know what to do. I have zero baby experience. I am pretty confident we'll be able to figure it out, and I definitely don't want my mom or MIL around to tell me I'm doing it wrong.

strawberrytree

Well, I'm scared of pretty much everything, but my biggest worry is that my little boy will grow up to be like almost all of the men on DH's side (except for DH). He keeps saying 'nurture over nature' to me, but I still worry.

His father, grandfather, and several uncles (DH's father has 8 brothers) are all alcoholics. None of them have ever held a steady job. His older brother has never held a job longer than a couple months, and he and his wife spend most of their free time smoking pot and playing video games (they have a 5.5 year old son, btw, who DH is pretty sure is a bit delayed- he doesn't read at all, can't write his name, has a very limited vocabulary, etc). One cousin is a cokehead. Another cousin- who also has a baby on the way, due about 7-8 weeks after us- drinks about 6 beer a day, smokes a pack a day (including inside his home, where his pregnant wife is), and keeps drugs in the house. 

I have no idea how DH got out of that family so normal...he thinks most of his family are complete idiots and doesn't associate with most of them very much, especially now that we have Baby coming. I just worry how much of DH's family history is in their genes, and how much of it came to be because that's just what they grew up surrounded by. Crossing my fingers that nurture wins out for us. 

shanpren

I'm already a mom, but I'm worried that DS will feel abandoned or replaced by the new baby.  He's 3 so I'm sure he'll be jealous, but I don't want him to think we love him any less.

returning_bump_member

I'm afraid that DH and I aren't ready to be parents yet. LO came to us as a nice surprise and we're very excited, but I have a nagging voice in my head that we're not ready for a child yet. I know I've always wanted to be a Mom, but DH is completely different. He has never been around young kids or babies in his life. (I once made him hold a 6 month old for 5 minutes and he almost had a panic attack.) I'm scared our differences in emotionally readiness will make us a bad parenting team.

HeyThereGoodLookin

PregNerd:

I don't know if I'm quite ready to open this can of worms just yet!

But - I'm scared of PPD. 

I'm scared that DH will be so in love with the LO that I will become a distant second and it will put a strain on our marriage.

I'm scared that  I will alienate my mother because I plan on doing things differently than she did and she doesn't understand/respect how we want to do things.

I'm scared that I will never be at a good place with my body again - or that I will go to unhealthy lengths to get happy. 

I'm scared because I don't know how to be a parent and I don't know much about babies/infants/children.

I'm scared of the world that we are bringing children into - a world where 12yrs olds commit suicide because of bullies. I don't know if I can do enough to help this child become secure and independent to counteract the social pressures they will have to deal with. 

There are many, many more, but these are just the ones that came to mind. 

I'm afraid of all these things too. Especially the last one. I had a really hard time as an adolescent and I just hope my son will feel safe enough to come to me if he has any problems. I want him to know that as hard as being a kid/teen can be, it does get better.

cat2784

I am a 2nd timer, but I am worried about DD feeling abandoned and not getting babied like she still should be because she is so young. I'm terrified to take 2 kids in public by myself. What if DD runs off while I am bf'ing the baby? How do I handle the logistics of that? I'm worried I won't like a boy as much as I do DD. and I'm worried my MIL is raising ours kids while I'm at work. 

YaMrWhite

Maybe I just haven't ventured into thinking about this but I'm not scared of anything really...if I had to choose something it would be am I choosing the right amount and brand for cloth diapering so that I don't fail miserably...

HeyThereGoodLookin

lmwunderlich:

Maybe I just haven't ventured into thinking about this but I'm not scared of anything really...if I had to choose something it would be am I choosing the right amount and brand for cloth diapering so that I don't fail miserably...

Off-topic, but your kitty is so cute!

mkflower3000

(in no particular order)

SIDS

Disorders (mental or physical)

Not being able to discipline my kids in the right way so they start to walk all over us and become completely uncontrollable toddlers... I have no reason to really believe that this will happen except that I've probably watched too many Super Nanny episodes and have read too many frustrated mom blogs :-/

Someone hurting/kidnapping my child

Bullies

 

 

sam19

Colic and post partum depression. I think I'm a little scarred from my first child.

I guess the good news is with PPD I'll be more aware of what to look for and we have a plan to not even let myself get to that point. With colic, well we survived it once we can survive it again.

I'm also worried that I won't love my second child as much as I love my first. I honestly don't know how it's possible to love another person as much as I love my first child. 

carijo3

I tried to share but it was freaking me out so I had to delete them. Thanks everyone else for sharing, it helps to know others worry about some of the same things I do.

JRogerson

I'm scared that I will turn into my mom. She was abusive to the point that the courts took us away and I can see myself starting to lose my patients more and more.

 I'm scared of the strain it will put on to our marriage.  Me and DH have to work opposite schedules cause we can afford child care.

I'm scared my child will be bi-polar. It runs heavily in both our family and I am scared that I won't be able to handle it. Going back to being scared about turning into my mom.

acbfreire

I am afraid my daughter will not come to me with her problems when she is older. My mom was great when I was little but she could never transition to having older children...

I am also afraid I will be alone with the baby - there is a chance for that because of DH's summer work out-of-state.

 

Mindi1020

Oh, I thought of another one. Despite being team green, DH and I found out that we are having a boy at our a/s due to an inexperienced tech. I'm terrified that I'm going to be bad at being a mom to a boy. I'm a very girly girl that grew up an only child with girl pets, etc. I have no idea what raising a little boy is going to be like and I am scared that I will do some harm to him by not understanding match box cars and a love of bugs and dirt.

lovebaby2012

I'm also a FTM to be, I fear all the same things as all of you ladies...

I am afraid of raising my child in today's society, in the local news (NY) there was a teacher's aide who has been working in the school for over 10 years who was arrested for soliciting and producing child porn, he had over 1000 pics and some of them were taken in the classroom! It makes me sick to my stomach and very sad at the same time.

I am also worried that I will get a great job offer once LO is born, (i've been looking since I graduated) and since I have more education than DH, it would be more $$ and I would need to take it and I really want to stay home with LO b/c I want that quality time.

I know DH would be a great dad and I would be a great mom, I jus worry alot about everything

momintraining2013

I'm always wonder if I will be emotionally strong enough to handle my child being hurt (physically or emotionally) or sick. I just remember feeling very alone at times as a child and it makes me so sad to think of my own child feeling that way. I know you can't protect them from everything but it scares me. My hope is to raise them in a way that when they do get hurt, it won't be as devastating for them.