Would you do this for a friend?

ChunkyMunkey

So this girl and I were extremely close 2 years ago. Turns out she was in a fight with all her girlfriends and that's why she spent all of her free time with me. Once she made up with them I didn't hear from her for months. I have seen her just a handful of times in the past 2 years. I HAD considered us very good friends until she disappeared.

Now she is getting married in August, I am due in June. She just sent me an email asking me to be her "personal assistant" on her wedding day. She said she wants me to be a part of her wedding but her bridal party is just too big to have me as a bridesmaid. She has 4 bridesmaids.....which to me isn't THAT big but okay, she's the bride, I get it. I had her as a bridesmaid and I had 8 of them.

The thing is, I don't really feel like a "special" part of her day when all I'm doing is running her errands and as she put it "preventing her from getting too stressed out". I'm totally perplexed on how I would do it with a toddler and a newborn as a single mother. Obviously I'd have to find a babysitter for the day but then my children wouldn't be attending the wedding as I'd be busy being her helper.

The more I think about it the more I don't want to do it but I almost feel obligated since I had her in my bridal party. Even the thought of attending a wedding while going through a divorce makes me a bit depressed.

Would you suck it up and do it or should I just pass? I really don't want her hurt or offended if I decline.

FriskyPanda

Lurker here, but couldn't help responding.  Basically, she drops you like a hot potato when she makes up with her friends, and then wants you to be her lackey on her wedding day?  Umm, gee sounds great but I think I'd be busy that day, and any other day she calls.

achase123

I wouldn't do it.  Your feelings are valid and you need to listen to them.  I wouldn't want to be someone's personal assistant regardless, and the fact that you are a soon to be SP of two just is all the more reason not to.

I don't think her asking you is any sort of "honor" that you'd be refusing.  It sounds like she wants you to be her biitch for a day (excuse my harsh comparison).  That isn't something that would appeal to too many people.  And there's no reason to feel obligated to do this just because she was in your wedding.  I don't think she's being considerate of you at all and I would just politely decline and say that you have too much on your plate to do it.

Melicakes

If it were me I'd politely decline. She may have been  your friend in the beginning but at best right now she's just an aquaintance. If she really wanted you to be included as a special part of her day she would have found a better position than wedding day gopher IMHO. A real friend would also take into consideration that you'd be still newly dealing with a newborn and an adjusting toddler...

If you feel like you'd stil like to do something for/with her , maybe you can plan a lunch or or spa day or something just before her wedding to help her not be to "stressed out"

DHYGchica3

So basically she wants you to run around and be her "b!tch" for the day. I'd say no..

Sounds like STBX-SIL, she listed me on her public wedding website as her "WENCH". After that I declined to be in the wedding. I don't mind helping, but not someone who doesn't really appreciate me.

Oh and STBX-SIL only came around to be friendly with me when her BFF and her were fighting. Truth comes out now that she could never stand me and has said some very untasteful things since STBXH and my split.

blush64

Don't do it. IT is not an honour. It is not a great job.

Just say NO.

She needs to hire someone to do that stuff.

 Really, don't do it.

ChunkyMunkey

I sent her an email politely declining saying it's just too much at the time and I'm not sure that I would be much of a help given the circumstances and BFing a newborn as well. She emailed back saying I could bring my kids. Still declined.

I told her I'd try my best to attend her wedding but would probably have to leave early. She said she understood but sounds disappointed. Oh well. When I think about it.....I would have been absolutely miserable had I accepted simply out of guilt.

Thank you for the reassurance ladies.  

BeachBum1223

Sounds like she couldn't take no for an answer.  Good for you for saying no, you did the right thing!! 

bexram

NO NO NO NO NOOOO. how rude for you not to be in her wedding party in the first place! then this! you need to think about 1. your kids- youre going to have a tiny newborn! you should not have this responsibility. 2. yourself- that is NOT fair to you. sounds like her bridesmaids suck and shes asking you to be her you know what... you're probably nice and she knows you will feel guilty and obligated to say yes! This sounds like something that would happen to me (I've been known to be kind of a push over...) but you need to put your foot down!

FriskyPanda

ChunkyMunkey:

I sent her an email politely declining saying it's just too much at the time and I'm not sure that I would be much of a help given the circumstances and BFing a newborn as well. She emailed back saying I could bring my kids. Still declined.

I told her I'd try my best to attend her wedding but would probably have to leave early. She said she understood but sounds disappointed. Oh well. When I think about it.....I would have been absolutely miserable had I accepted simply out of guilt.

Thank you for the reassurance ladies.  

I came back just for this post  I'm sure she's disappointed that she has to either hire a coordinator or do stuff herself.  For some reason I really don't like her. 

scout426

ChunkyMunkey:

I sent her an email politely declining saying it's just too much at the time and I'm not sure that I would be much of a help given the circumstances and BFing a newborn as well. She emailed back saying I could bring my kids. Still declined.

I told her I'd try my best to attend her wedding but would probably have to leave early. She said she understood but sounds disappointed. Oh well. When I think about it.....I would have been absolutely miserable had I accepted simply out of guilt.

Thank you for the reassurance ladies.  

Good for you.  Of course she is disappointed.  Now she has to hire someone.  I think I would be losing that friends number.  And if the invite for the wedding hasn't come yet I wouldn't hold my breath for it..  Sounds like she just wanted to use you.