Adoption Exploration Questions???
I've always felt that some day I wanted to help children. I thought foster care me be the answer for us, but the more I learn about it, the more I think it may not be the answer and due to my husband's work schedule, we'll never make it through classes that end at 9:30 at night and are an hour away from home.
So now I'm thinking adoption might be more the answer. But in a couple of the posts I've seen on here saying adoption was $30K+, I just can't fathom that! Is that an average cost? Is that for international adoption or is domestic just as expensive? I'd love to help a child in need, but really, I don't think we could ever swing $30K just to get the child. I think our companies (UPS and the Federal Gov't) so cover half, but still, it seems like an incredible amount of money to help a child when having our own costs us only $12!
Plus, I understand that there will be the whole facet of possibly having the child taken away, as my BIL and his girlfriend did after the baby had been with the adoptive parents for a couple weeks.
Anyway, I'm rambling, but where can I look to start gathering information on all the different options of adoption??? Thanks!
Re: Adoption Exploration Questions???
I think you and your DH need to be on the same page about why you want to adopt and how you want to adopt. "Helping children" might not be the right reason. I'm just saying.
You'll still have to take classes to adopt, so keep that in mind.
Adoption can cost anywhere from nothing to $40K+, depending on what route you choose. We're looking at domestic adoption, and it looks to be around $20K. While it's a lot of money, you have to remember that this goes to pay for a lot people who are looking out for the welfare of the child. There are social workers who have to process a lot of information about you, visit your home, write a report detailing your fitness to parent, there is legal paperwork that must be processed, and there is a lot of information to be put together for birthparents to see in choosing prospective adoptive parents for their child.
As for taking the child away, it's a common introductory question/concern, and it's always a possibility, but there are laws in each state as to how that works. There's usually a window of time where the birthparent can change their mind, but this varies by state.
Just start researching. I started with Adoption for Dummies, but others may recommend The Complete Idiot's Guide to Adoption or other introductory books. They will go through everything that's involved in different kinds of adoption and help you to tease out how and why you want to adopt. You may also want to just hit some websites (adoption.org comes to mind) that will give you an overview and potential resources.
I think it's great that you're exploring adoption, but I don't think you should see it as "helping children". I always get offended when someone tells me "Oh, what a wonderful thing you did for him." I don't think what I did was so wonderful. My little boy saved me much more than I ever saved him. This is not said to be disrespectful to you. Just an opinion.
In all, including all we had to do for the homestudy, paying SW, an attorney, post placement cost, and the adoption agency it cost us around $50,000. It's not cheap, but when you desperately want a baby as in our case, where we did treatments and had 2 miscarriages, it's a life saver.
Also, if everything is done right, the baby cannot be taken away. Yes, in some states, there are waiting periods. I know Georgia has a 10 day and CA even a 30 day period where birth parents can change there minds. We adopted from Texas where as soon as the BM signed 72 hours after the birth, the baby was ours. The only thing is they had to announce the birth on a paternity registry for 30 days. If a potential Birth Father does not come forward then it's over. The rights are officially terminated in court and you just wait until all the paperwork has been filed and then you finalize.
There's a lot of information about adoption out there. There's lot of myths too. Usually, an adoption is disrupted (after the baby is in the adoptive family's home) only about 1-2% of the time.
Good luck in whatever you decided to do!
I'm sorry to sound disrespectful in the "helping children" phrase. I already volunteer in a few organizations for children, so I guess I didn't really mean it that way. I just think every child deserves a life where they can be just that....kids.....and a lot of kids don't get to experience that. This is how I think we can "help." I aldready have a 16 month old son and I'm pregnant with my second obviously. So for us, we were EXTREMLY lucky to already have a family and just think it could be enhanced by giving a few more kids the option at a good childhood.
DH and I are on the same page, we both enjoyed our childhoods and are very thankful for how life has treated us thus far. We think we're good parents and that parenting a few more would be a blessing. The only reason we started getting turned off by fostering is every person we talked to said they did it once, never again or they did it but it was horrible for a couple years, etc. Not one person suggested they would do it again or suggested we should try it. That has really turned us off from it. That coupled with all the terrible stories of the courts not carrying about the kids.
So since our fostering was going to lead to adoption anyway, we figure, might as well just start with adoption in the first place. We don't necessarily need a baby, but we think the earlier we can get involved in the child's life, the best.
I'll take a look at the Adoption for Dummies Book though for a good start.
And as far as the "take back period" I believe it must be 30 days here in Ohio, or at least 15. My BIL and his GF took back the baby after two weeks. Although I was happy to get to meet my niece, I still feel for those parents that have had the third baby in three years taken from them! That would break my heart! It was through a private Christian agency.....not sure if that makes a difference.
Hi there - just to balance out the foster/adoption issue, I for one have had a wonderful experience with the program, and hope you reconsider. Perhaps its just bad in your particular area, but if you consider your original comment about helping children, I would think foster would be even MORE attractive given that many of the children already in the system are in desperate need of help, love and care. Most adopted infants in the US especially are in HIGH demand and rarely have a single day where they aren't wanted by someone...
Adoption, no matter which way you choose, is a very serious decision. Thank you for looking into it at the very least, and I wish you luck on your journey!!!
My 2cents...
There are several ways to "adopt" ranging from domestic infant adoption to fost/adopt to Int'l adoption. Each option offers something unique.
I think it's super important to be real w/each other and decide why you want to adopt. I have met some people that see themselves going into a depressed country and giving an orphan a better life. Others are very interested in parenting a newborn and knowing the birth mom. Each type of adoption is great but not everyone is prepared for the risks of each sort of adoption.
You brought up domestic adoption and having birth parents change their mind after placement. While I don't have the stat here w/me, the risk of that happening is small. The real emotional risk of domestic adoption IMO is that you may be "matched" with a birth mom who at delivery decides she wants to parent. It happens. Not often but it does.
If you were drawn to Fost/Adopt, consider how you might make it work. As Kirstin said, it's a beautiful program and great things can happen. The few fost/adopt families I know think it's wonderful.
Good luck!
That's odd. I'm wondering how they got the child back. I'm in oh and the birth mom can't sign until 72 hours but there is no revocation period. Maybe they used the birth father to get the child back....