I'm alone,scared, and depressed.

ashleyann331

Hi,

I'm new to this and just reaching out to anyone in the same situation for advice.

I'll give you a little background. I got married in May of this year to someone who I think I always knew wasn't right (shouldn't have married him I know) He has a baby girl from before. I've recently had some depression issues pre-pregnancy and the marriage was kind of rocky from day one. I'm 23, and am legally still married. My STBX served me with papers (not even legal ones,he didn't take them to the courthouse or anything) and has had very little to do with me ever since, which is easy since he works far away. I found out I was pregnant the Saturday after Thanksgiving and for about two weeks he acted like he was happy about everything. Then the bomb dropped, he has been talking to his ex girlfriend the entire time we were together, apparently they had plans to move in together and everything, and honestly thats the least horrible I've heard. I know you should never listen to what people say but its so horrible. This girl has told people they are planning a wedding, and talking about a baby and everything. I was a good wife, I cooked and cleaned and care for his little one like she was my own. I did everything I thought I was supposed to. Hes made it very clear that he doesn't want this baby and acts like he thinks that hes not the dad (I'm pretty sure he knows its his but to save face hes saying that) I know I shouldn't care about him but I feel like its impossible. I feel like if I just keep trying then maybe everything will be okay, even when he makes it clear he doesn't want to even try. I've moved back in with my parents and am pretty broke. I'm terrified of being a single mom, and I'm starting to wonder if I will be able to be a good mom to this baby because I'm putting so much thought into this pathetic divorce and someone who doesn't give me the time of day. I feel depressed and alone all the time. I cry daily and break down a lot and call him. I was never like this before and I don't understand why I'm like this now. I don't know what is wrong with me that I can't make marriage work. Is it normal pregnancy hormones? Or have I lost my mind? I don't see how I can make this all better and how long its going to take to be over it.

scout426

Hi Ashley.  Im sorry you found yourself on sp but I'm glad your here.  This board is full of amazing women that each day help me find myself and grow a stronger backbone when it comes to dealing with everything.  I would also recommend finding a counselor.  I found one thru my church.  It makes a world of difference.  Stay strong. Being a single parent is very hard but so rewarding.     

DHYGchica3

We all make stupid mistakes. I had such cold feet for my wedding I almost didn't go (we got married in the bahamas). I wish I had listened to myself and skipped out on getting married. It's probably the biggest mistake I've ever made.

But at the same time, as long as you learn from your mistakes, and make the choice to move on and not make them again, then it was worth the pitfall in the end, and you can move on with your life.

You are going to feel a lot of confused emotions. I still do, but more and more I'm happier being separated from STBX.

Being a SP is hard, but so worth it in so many ways. Keep your head up, you have a storm you have to weather but you will get through it.

ChunkyMunkey

I too married a man I knew from the start I shouldn't have. I had a horrible feeling about it and clearly should have followed it but we all make mistakes once in a while.

You'll be surprised at how strong you are and don't even know it. The very beginning is always the hardest and most terrifying but you will do just fine. Being a SP is not as scary or depressing as it sounds. You'll actually probably find yourself much happier than staying with your husband. Clearly he's a cheater and it's best to just let that type go.

Just keep your chin up the best you can and move on. Things will come together over time for you. Let him go be a loser and take care of yourself. Send him updates once in a while regarding the pregnancy (makes you look better in court, even if he doesn't care) and file for CS immediately after your baby is born. Also do all correspondence through text, email, voicemail, anything that can be saved in case you need it for court since some a-hole guys tend to try screwing you over. 

kiley&matt

I am so sorry you're going through this!  The first thing I want to say is this: it is NOT your fault that this marriage didn't work!  This man obviously has many issues, and you are not responsible for any of them.  The first thing I would do is file REAL papers for divorce.  I was a stay at home mom prior to filing for divorce from my STBXH, and I found out that many states will waive the fees if you qualify as low-income.  If you go to the pro-se divorce website for your state, you should find the paperwork that you can print off for free. 

Secondly, don't plan on your ex being a part of your son or daughter's life.  Hoping that he will is just going to set you up for disappointment.  The good news is, he will have to pay child support whether he's involved or not.  I know you're going through a tough time right now, but I promise you, it will get a little easier day by day.  This is only my third month being away from my ex, and I already feel so much better than I did the first month.  Be strong, and DON'T CALL HIM!!  I know it's hard to ask for help, but you have to at this point.  Spend time with your family and friends and do whatever you have to do to keep your mind off of him. 

You're going to be so much better off in the long run.  Be glad it happened now and not after you wasted 10 or so years with him.  

kjwest5024

I was only dating DS father, but I still knew I shouldn't have been with him. I know this sounds crazy, but if he is going to act that way then you are better off without him. There is support and help out there if you need it. I had Medicaid for myself while I was pregnant and they covered what my insurance would. Then there is also WIC. They are great and will help you with food for yourself and for your baby (if you chose not to breast feed).

 What you are feeling is a natural instinct of a mother. From the sounds of it you are already a great mom. Being a single mom isn?t easy and all you want is your family. I was blessed to find someone after I had my DS and if you believe then you will find that guy who will take care of you and your LO the way that you deserve.

Best of luck to you.