Those that had a late loss and then an early loss

pb&fluff

We lost Addie at 21w and then in January, found out we lost our second LO at 7 weeks.  How did that 2nd loss feel?  I felt like it wasn't really real, and I wasn't as devastated by that loss as we were when we lost Addie.  Of course I lost it when I found out that there was no hb, but the days following it were much easier than previously.  Sometimes I feel like I wasn't really pregnant, if that makes sense.

Carolee

becky515:

We lost Addie at 21w and then in January, found out we lost our second LO at 7 weeks.  How did that 2nd loss feel?  I felt like it wasn't really real, and I wasn't as devastated by that loss as we were when we lost Addie.  Of course I lost it when I found out that there was no hb, but the days following it were much easier than previously.  Sometimes I feel like I wasn't really pregnant, if that makes sense.

That's exactly how I felt about my 2 early losses.  They were awful and I was sad, but it was not the same as losing Eliott.  I don't know if it's because I detatched myself from the start, or if I didn't have the time to get excited about those pregnancies, but I definitely did not feel the same.

kate6267

I have had two early losses and I felt the same way.

erbarmywife

I was the opposite...I had an early loss ( dont know how far along I was..had gone for beta's after spotting, but they were already dropping) and then the girls at 26ws.  I know, looking back, for me it was like that first one never happened.  It did, and I grieved, but I definitely grieved more for the girls.

pb&fluff

Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone.  I love my baby that we lost at 7 weeks, but I didn't know them like I knew Addie.  I don't even know if it was a boy or a girl.  I feel like that wasn't real.  I mean, I'll only be telling our future LOs about Addie.  I don't know that they'd get the concept of losing a baby so early.

drvst8

I had an early loss around 7 weeks before Logan. That one hurt and I cried but I was never attached to that pregnancy. I'm not sure how I would feel now if I had an early loss after lossing Logan.

Mjmksb04

I am not in the same situation, but had two later losses that were very different from each other. I lost a newborn and then I lost a baby at 23 weeks. The second loss turned my whole world upside down, since i had previously gotten through losing my DD by telling myself that I could always have other kids. So the second loss hit me like a ton of bricks, especially since it was completely unrelated. It is different and feels different. With DD#1, I have photos, clothing she wore, toys we bought for her and had a lot of hopes and dreams focused on her. With DD#2, even late into my second tri, I had no let myself get attached to the pregnancy and had not even bought her anything, which is something I struggle wtih every day because I wish I had enjoyed the pregnancy more and she had items that were just *hers*, if that makes sense. So yes, the losses both felt different.

sandykins

We lost Connor in September and I had an eptopic last month (January). The first shattered me to the core - still does. The second was horrible in a different way. I had to be rushed into emergency surgery because it ruptured and my life was in jeopardy. I lost a tube and an ovary and now my fertility is compromised. This loss took away my hope for the future. I know it is still possible to have another child but between the two losses, I've lost all sense of optimism with the second loss. In terms of connection to the  baby, obviously losing Connor was devastating. The second was so early and that aspect of it didn't hurt like losing Connor did. 

pb127

Carolee:

becky515:

We lost Addie at 21w and then in January, found out we lost our second LO at 7 weeks.  How did that 2nd loss feel?  I felt like it wasn't really real, and I wasn't as devastated by that loss as we were when we lost Addie.  Of course I lost it when I found out that there was no hb, but the days following it were much easier than previously.  Sometimes I feel like I wasn't really pregnant, if that makes sense.

That's exactly how I felt about my 2 early losses.  They were awful and I was sad, but it was not the same as losing Eliott.  I don't know if it's because I detatched myself from the start, or if I didn't have the time to get excited about those pregnancies, but I definitely did not feel the same.

I agree with what you both have written. I miss my girls terribly, but it isn't the same. Also, the pregnancy also wasn't going "smoothly" from the beginning, so I wasn't sure that it would work out (honestly, I thought I'd get to take at least one home because who is so cruel as to take them both from me after DS passed?).  The 2nd loss felt just horribly cruel and it felt painful because of that for me.

Buckets of Moonbeams

To be honest, I barely remember my early loss.  I was only a little over 4 weeks, and was only about 8 weeks past losing my son.  It was a surprise, and I was happy to be pregnant again, but when I started spotting 3 days after my BFP, it didn't really make me sad.

MandynStephen

I had an early miscarriage before having DS and there is no comparing that with the loss at 18 weeks.  It was sad, but not nearly as devastating!