Terrible drop offs at daycare - I hope it is a phase — The Bump
Houston Babies

Terrible drop offs at daycare - I hope it is a phase

Evan has been going to daycare since he was 12 weeks old. He has been in the same daycare and after he moved out of the baby room he has only had 2 teachers. Last week Evan started being very clingy (even at home) and has been trying to control situations (like who will bath him, who will read to him, etc.) We don't give in to every wish, but we also let him know that mommy and daddy are both here for him and love him.

Well, now Evan has a meltdown when he says goodbye to me at the house (DH takes him to daycare) but is fine as soon as they get in the car. Then he has a meltdown when DH tries to drop him off at the classroom, and I am pretty sure he is fine a few minutes after DH leaves.

Funny thing is when I go pick him up in the afternoon, he couldn't care less that I am there. His friends come give me hugs and he says "Hi" and continues to play.

I'm sure this is a phase, but I'm not sure what to do to make it easier on all of us. Any suggestions from people who have been through this (moms/dads/teachers) would be great.

Dx: PCOS and short luteal phase
18 cycles (3 with our RE) - Metformin + Clomid + HCG booster did the trick!
BFP #1 6/22/09 EDD: 3/2/10 DS born: 3/8/10

TTC #2 since Dec 2011
BFP #2 7/8/12 EDD: 3/18/12 M/C @ 9w1d: 8/16/12

Re: Terrible drop offs at daycare - I hope it is a phase

  • I think you're right, and it is most likely a phase. Don't you wish you were a fortune teller and could see how long this would last? That would sure help you decide how to handle it.

    I'm no pro, but I am a veteran of taking two 2-year-olds through daycare drop off. Mine have had these random two-week cycles where they are a nightmare about drop-off. With my first, I made my husband stay until he was calm. (My husband left earlier than I would have liked, gently reminding me that he needed to go to work.)

    Thing is, what you said was the case. Lucas was trying to make my husband stay. The separation anxiety was real, but past a certain point it was manipulation. My husband stayed until he had to leave. And, it all seems to have been fine.

    With our second, we are less the sucker. He has one caregiver that has been with him a long time. She floats in his room in the morning. If he is having a real meltdown and I need to go, I hand him off to this woman. She has been close to him long enough to be a comfort when I cannot be there.

    Do you have anybody like that? Can your husband identify someone like that?

    If not, just know it will pass in two weeks. Two weeks seem like the longest time things last because of separation anxiety. Warning: it pops up from time to time even at 5...

    Best of luck. It is hard. 

  • Thank you so much for the wonderful advice and insight! I was talking to my mom this evening about Evan and she agreed that beyond a certain point it becomes manipulation.

    He does have a teacher that he loves (besides his current teachers) that can help calm him down. I'll definitely have DH see if she is able to help out.

    When I picked Evan up this afternoon he was happy as a clam and his teachers said he had a great day - that is after a few minutes of crying after DH left. I think Evan is just trying to see if he can make DH stay and get his way. When he realized he couldn't, he went on with his day like normal.

    Thanks again!

    Dx: PCOS and short luteal phase
    18 cycles (3 with our RE) - Metformin + Clomid + HCG booster did the trick!
    BFP #1 6/22/09 EDD: 3/2/10 DS born: 3/8/10

    TTC #2 since Dec 2011
    BFP #2 7/8/12 EDD: 3/18/12 M/C @ 9w1d: 8/16/12

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  • Well, my DD had this phase... but it lasted for 2 years. The biggest problems were that she had teachers that she liked at the time, but none that she loved. And when she got a teacher she really clicked with again, she was much much better. The activity the class was doing at the time also made a big difference - it they were outside playing, it was a super hard drop off because she had trouble adjusting to an activity that she finds overwhelming (because the others were in the middle of their games, she finds it hard to join. If she's there before they go outside, she's fine)

    DS just had a short phase like this. We thought it was because he had a new assistant teacher, even though he seems to like her. But I just didn't feel right about it and thought something was wrong, he just seemed off. Turns out he had an ear infection even though he had no symptoms, he just wasn't feeling well.

    The former jen5/03.

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  • image Jena503:

    Well, my DD had this phase... but it lasted for 2 years. The biggest problems were that she had teachers that she liked at the time, but none that she loved. And when she got a teacher she really clicked with again, she was much much better. The activity the class was doing at the time also made a big difference - it they were outside playing, it was a super hard drop off because she had trouble adjusting to an activity that she finds overwhelming (because the others were in the middle of their games, she finds it hard to join. If she's there before they go outside, she's fine)

    DS just had a short phase like this. We thought it was because he had a new assistant teacher, even though he seems to like her. But I just didn't feel right about it and thought something was wrong, he just seemed off. Turns out he had an ear infection even though he had no symptoms, he just wasn't feeling well.

    Evan was tugging at his ear last night. And it was the same ear that the doctor thinks the tube came out of. Hmmmmm. He is super congested too. I wonder if this could be part of the problem. I'll keep a close look out and maybe make an appointment.

    Thanks for the tip.

    Dx: PCOS and short luteal phase
    18 cycles (3 with our RE) - Metformin + Clomid + HCG booster did the trick!
    BFP #1 6/22/09 EDD: 3/2/10 DS born: 3/8/10

    TTC #2 since Dec 2011
    BFP #2 7/8/12 EDD: 3/18/12 M/C @ 9w1d: 8/16/12

  • No real advice but what you describe sounds totally normal to me.  Cooper has phases where he's super at drop off but most of the time he's what I refer to as "Super Velcro Boy."  He doesn't really cry or have a fit but he's sort of pouty and just glued to me.  From talking to his teachers though I know he's Mr. Happy-go-lucky-popularity the second I walk out the door, so it's pretty much just manipulation.   Drop off is easiest when there is some activity going on to distract him (usually art, painting or play dough) and his teachers know this and almost always have something out to lure him with.  ;)

    Now the real fun is pick up, that's when he throws his fits.  "NO Mommy! NO go hoooome! Stay school.  PLAY!!! NO!!!! Noooooo!"  It's especially awesome when he decides to do this in front of a substitute teacher I've never met before.  Nothing makes you feel like a stellar mom quite like peeling your weeping 2 year old out of the corner of his daycare room and forcing him to go home with you while the new teacher gives you the side eye.   Embarrassed

    My big boy is bounding towards 4! Baby brother coming in October!
      image
    Hipster dog is not impressed.
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