Last names...

lauragetsfit

So I have a question...

 I'm in the midst of a divorce with my husband. In Sept 2010, he left me at 10 weeks pregnant, with him moving 1.5 hours away. He has not been involved with the pregnancy at all. Even when we were living together he kept making excuses as to why he couldn't go to a doctor's appt, and even more so now that we are 85 miles apart. He is an alcoholic, cheater, liar, and possibly has bipolar since everytime I talk to him, I'm not sure which mood he'll be in. This makes it difficult to come up with compromises. 

Since he and I have been separated, I moved back in with my family, who have been nothing but supportive of me and the arrival of my son. My parents have been helping out a lot financially and have even been getting a nursery together for the baby. My STBXH on the other hand is busy "finding himself" which means alcohol, women, etc.

My question is, since he probably won't be there during the birth of my son, and I'm not expecting him to really follow through with any of his promises he made as a parent (he just always says he'll do something, then lies and doesn't come through), and he probably won't even visit that often since he'd rather "party" and drink and lives 85 miles away...Do I have to give my son his last name? I'm changing my last name back to my maiden name once the divorce is final.

Has anyone else had to do this?

lauragetsfit

Really? So I can give my son my last name when he's born?

I actually hope that he just does what he does with his 9 y/o...He's not going to bring anything positive to the table. He kinda just picks up his 9 y/o son from his ex-wife's house and takes him over night. He does the bare minimum with him by making sure he's showered, fed, and dropped back off on time...but as for being an involved father...he's not. In the two years that I was with him we've never been to any of his son's school functions, meetings, or anything.

He drinks a lot and stuff and has been to AA and quit, and even a chemical dependancy program and quit. I'm hoping the courts will look at that and see how unstable he is.

lauragetsfit

Trust me, I try to ask myself the same thing. He and I had our ups and downs...This personality that he has didn't come out until after we got married. Prior to the marriage he was great. Never cheated, he didn't lie to me (from what I know of), and the drinking was seldom. Once we got married he did a complete 180. Our marriage lasted 9 months before I got pregnant and he left me. When I did get pregnant he and I were doing really good in our marriage, going to counseling, communicating well, and he was even going to AA and as far as I knew, I thought that he was getting the help and support he needed. It felt like I had the man I fell in love with again. Unfortunately, once I got pregnant, he started drinking again and just picked up and left while I was at work.

lauragetsfit

It's kind of funny...He always made wife #1 out to be some psycho. He always made it sound like she prevented him, she made him visiting difficult, etc. I never really talked to her. Once he and I separated, I talked to her and she had to much to say. And, when I'd ask about his son's school he'd always say that he couldn't make time to meet with teachers or whatever because his son lives 20 minutes from him and he didn't have time after work. Other times he'd tell me that wife #1 didn't give him anough heads up on when the meetings or events were. Once I talked to her, it was a completely different story.

FyreFlyeRush

Was 2010 supposed to be 2011? Just checking. But, like PP, I would give LO your last name. IMO, LO should have the last name of the parent they with. If DD wants to change hers at 18, I've always told her he could, and I thoroughly support it. She doesn't. 

lauragetsfit

FyreFlyeRush:

Was 2010 supposed to be 2011? Just checking. But, like PP, I would give LO your last name. IMO, LO should have the last name of the parent they with. If DD wants to change hers at 18, I've always told her he could, and I thoroughly support it. She doesn't. 

Oops! Yea, Sept 2011

newenglandmomm

I gave my daughter my last name. There was no father present at the hospital and I knew he was not going to be involved and I wanted her to share nothing with the man other than him being her bio father.

 

warriormomerin

You should go ahead with your plans to give your child your last name, but be aware that if your STBXH decides to challenge it in court there's a good chance they'll make you change the name. If you don't think he'll really care, then it shouldn't be an issue.

I'm in the process of trying to change my DC's names to my maiden name and it's been a legal nightmare. Avoid that at all costs if you can and if having the same last name is important to you.