Name Claim

Ms Molly

I'm pregnant with my first baby, and was recently with a group of 8 of my close friends and they asked me our name choices.  I told them that we are choosing not to share them.  The reasons we aren't sharing are:  I don't want someone to talk me out the names I love, we aren't 100% sure yet, and we are team green and just want it to be a surprise.  So anyway, my friends all proceeded to rattle off "their" future baby names.  I think it was mostly just a fun conversation topic, but I also felt like it was their way of laying claim to the names they like.  Well, of course one of the names came up is one of our 2 girl names.  

This friend is someone I've known for almost 15 years, but she and her husband are not pregnant and are not trying to get pregnant anytime soon.  To my knowledge, the name has no family/special significance to her.  It does have somewhat of a significance to my husband (honoring his late mother). 

 I know everyone says you can't claim a name, but we are close enough that we wouldn't name our children the same name.  However, since we aren't sharing our name choices, should we decide to use that name, how should I go about this?  I don't want the birth of my baby to be potentially upsetting to her if we use the name she also likes.  I know this could be a moot point because she may never have a girl.  I know this could all be a moot point since we are team green and may not have a girl either, but I'd like to get it straightened out so it doesn't stress me out. 

 Any advice on how I could handle this situation would be appreciated, especially with the twist that we aren't telling our names!  TIA

kelnyc

If that's the name you decide you like best, go with it. For all you know, her taste may change by the time it was her turn, and you can always tell her the truth, that it was on your short list when she mentioned it and hope she's ok with that. If she's not, she's an asshat.

Ms Molly

asshat

krissyh21

When discussing names in a hypothetical situation, you can rattle off hundreds of name and none of them may be the actual name you choose for your child once you do have a girl/boy for that name. Why? Tastes change, H's veto - etc, etc...

When I first started TTC my list of names were completely different than what we settled on when we actually got pregnant. I remember my friend being pregnant and us talking names and her saying the choice was between Lauren and Addison... her baby is Keira. 

I would just name your baby what you like. 

Indynurse12

If you love it, use it. There's a big chance it won't ever even be an issue. If it continues to stress you out, then maybe you can start over on a girl name. Go through some books, get suggestions on here, etc. Maybe you will find something else that you like even better but if not, then use what you love! No one owns a name.

Keri Marie

Name your baby anything you want.

Plus when you have a baby, you'd be surprised how many close friends you lose contact with, so I wouldn't base your decision on losing/keeping people in your life. The baby is more important.

mamahawk12

I found myself in a similar situation. We don't share our names for many reasons... and we were planning on naming our son John (strong family name) and calling him Jack. Pretty late on in my pregnancy a very good friend came to me and said "I've been really worried about the name you've picked. The only boy name my husband and I can agree on is John, and to call him Jack - so I really hope you don't pick that" There is no way she could have known our name.... and her and her dh weren't even thinking about trying anytime soon.

I think "claiming" names is completely silly. Are you pregnant? Are you actually in the process of naming a child? No? Then shut up. Use the name you love - everyone else will have to get over it. 

bananers

If it comes down to it, I would just play dumb and pretend you don't remember her bringing it up. Honestly, I've had name conversations with my friends thousands of times and I couldn't recall any of the names my friends mentioned, so it's not unreasonable.

Now, if she continually brings it up over the next few months and you decide it's what you want, you might want to sit her down and explain that it was already on your short list when she brought it up and has family significance. Otherwise, I'd pretend the conversation never happened.

missbryn

meaknigh:

I found myself in a similar situation. We don't share our names for many reasons... and we were planning on naming our son John (strong family name) and calling him Jack. Pretty late on in my pregnancy a very good friend came to me and said "I've been really worried about the name you've picked. The only boy name my husband and I can agree on is John, and to call him Jack - so I really hope you don't pick that" There is no way she could have known our name.... and her and her dh weren't even thinking about trying anytime soon.

I think "claiming" names is completely silly. Are you pregnant? Are you actually in the process of naming a child? No? Then shut up. Use the name you love - everyone else will have to get over it. 

So did you name your son John/Jack? How did your friend respond?  

mamahawk12

missbryn:

So did you name your son John/Jack? How did your friend respond?  

 

We absolutely did. That had been our plan since day 1, so I certainly wasn't going to change my mind over my friend's maybe-one-day-son. 

She's a good friend, so she wasn't mad or anything (to my face at least, lol) but she still does bring it up from time to time. She'll say things like "we just really only like Jack, but we obviously can't use it now...". I've told her to use it and that it doesn't bother me in the least. But two years later, they're still not even ttc - so I'm not too concerned for them

MySallyGirl

kelnyc:

If that's the name you decide you like best, go with it. For all you know, her taste may change by the time it was her turn, and you can always tell her the truth, that it was on your short list when she mentioned it and hope she's ok with that. If she's not, she's an asshat.

 Totally agree with this.

MissRachel621

I think it's sweet that you are even considering her feelings here.  You are the one that's pregnant, and it's not like you got the idea for the names from her.  I'd use the name you want to use - no matter what.

HannahO28

I'm sure she won't bat an eyelash if you use it--people throw out tons of names. It doesn't mean they are trying to claim them. And if she is, you should use it anyway because she's being silly.

WiFeY 4 LiFeY

I think if you like it and have a girl go for it!

I have to say, Dh and I were set on a boy and girl name before getting pregnant and we wouldnt even think to use the names we loved so much a few years ago..she might change her mind too!

SrMonclova

She shouldn't have divulged her name...haha.

Use it if that's the one you chose.   Too many considerable factors to contend with ifwhen she may get pregnant with a possible girl.

FrecklesInside

krissyh21:

When discussing names in a hypothetical situation, you can rattle off hundreds of name and none of them may be the actual name you choose for your child once you do have a girl/boy for that name. Why? Tastes change, H's veto - etc, etc...

When I first started TTC my list of names were completely different than what we settled on when we actually got pregnant. I remember my friend being pregnant and us talking names and her saying the choice was between Lauren and Addison... her baby is Keira. 

I would just name your baby what you like. 

This. NO ONE CAN CLAIM A NAME!!!! use it or you might regret it. You're pregnant, she is not. It has meaning to you, you and H love it - for all you know, she won't have a girl, her H won't like it, she won't even like it by the time she gets pregnant ... So on and so forth.

 

USE IT.

whirlybird27

I agree with the others and if she has a problem with you using DH's late mothers name then I say you don't need her as a friend! She may like it but your DH chose it because it was his mothers name-that trumps 'I just like it' any day to me. 

blu-eyedwife

If she's a friend, it really won't matter.  I had my son in October and we were team green.

I had a friend due in July and a friend due in September.  The first was also team green and not sharing names.  I was concerned she might choose the same first name as us, but we had backup names just in case.  The second friend actually picked our girl's name and it did give me pause - again, not because I was mad or annoyed at her, just in deciding if we should go ahead and use the name or a backup name.

Ms Molly

SrMonclova:

She shouldn't have divulged her name...haha.

Use it if that's the one you chose.   Too many considerable factors to contend with ifwhen she may get pregnant with a possible girl.

This is actually another reason we aren't sharing.  Not that I'm afraid someone will "steal" my names.  But if someone I'm close to happens to use a name we like, there is no one to blame or hard feelings to be had. 

 

thefiftyone

Use the name you like. I've thrown out all kinds of names in same conversations like this in the past. I couldn't recall what names I've even mentioned before to save my life. If they aren't even TTC I wouldn't worry about it at all.