Attachment Parenting
How to handle crying in car?
I definitely don't believe in "cry it out." My DH and I are currently working on Pantleys approaches for sleep, we cosleep, and I'm perfectly happy to nurse on demand. My biggest struggle is the car? What to do when DS starts crying in his carseat. I feel like the obvious choice for his emotional well being would be to pull over and soothe him, but that just doesn't seem practical (we would never get anywhere, always be late, etc.).
How do you ladies handle crying in the car? Am I being too sensitive thinking this is the same as CIO?
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Re: How to handle crying in car?
We had a carseat cryer too. If there were two of us, one would sit in the back with LO, just to be there. We did stop if they crying got really bad - to do a diaper check (most of the time it was wet) or nurse (she never turned down a nursing session) and then it was back in the car. Where she usually started to cry again.
If I was alone I would sing to her or at least talk so she would know I was there. We did stop when we could, and I tried to plan car rides when she was happy or during her nap time when it was a longer trip.
It really sucks.
Do you have a mirror for him? My DD was always pretty good in the car seat anyway but I started using one of the big mirrors when she was probably 3 or 4 months old. She really likes it (and still does since she is still RF). She can see me and I think that helps. I always play music and sing as well.
If she really fussed a lot I would stop and at least check a diaper since at that age they will still have blowouts and if I think she might be hungry I would stop to nurse. After that I would usually let her cry but (since I have long arms and am able to reach back while still paying attention to the road) I would also try to rub her head or cheek or stick my pinkie in her mouth and often she would just fall asleep.
One time when she was just 6 weeks old we had to drive somewhere for 3 hours and she would not stop fussing despite the clean diaper and recent nursing session. Luckily there were 2 of us so I pretty much had my finger in her mouth the entire trip (she never took a paci).
To stop everytime he cries would make it impossble to get anywhere. I think if you know he has a (semi)clean diaper and he has just been fed there isn't a whole lot you can do, but if you are singing/talking to him at least he knows you are there.
You are not making him "CIO" because you are there in the car with him, talking to him.
I also had a car screamer. I used to sit back there with her, we'd stop, I'd do everything I could think of, but she still screamed. Then right around 6 months she stopped screaming and would just fuss for a while and then fall asleep. Now if we have to go anywhere far I just plan it for her naptimes and she falls asleep without a peep.
So here's hoping it gets better for you too!
oh yes, I forgot to mention that it doesn't last forever.
My LO screamed for a few weeks every time, then she would do it every once in a while,mostly if she was bored. Around 6 months she feel asleep a lot in the car, and around 12 months she would look at books and play with toys.
We started letting her watch Baby Signing Time around 8 months (10 min at a time) and she loved it. It is now the only thing she watches. We got a portable DVD player around 11 months and it is a LIFE SAVER!!! I know any t.v. is no good before the age of 2 but it allows us to go wherever, whenever, without her crying. I wish we would have tried it earlier. You should try and see if it works for you!
It really sucks
There have been times I've cried right along with him. I sing to him, talk to him, etc. I will stop frequently if it's a long trip and take him out, nurse him, walk around outside with him...time permitting.
If we go anywhere the three of us, one of us sits in back...it's often me b/c I can lean over the seat to nurse him while in his carseat, which often puts him to sleep. The iPhone/iPad app BabyVision really helped in the first few months (it's just b&w images on the screen), and now basically anything on the iPad helps a lot.
The biggest help though - He has STOPPED crying for short trips completely since I moved him to a convertible car seat. I really think he was just hot and uncomfortable in the infant/bucket seat. He's a big kid, and he really loves his new seat. Much much much better. GL! It is SO hard.
It has for us...DD is 3 and the car is still a nightmare 50% of the time.
OP I hope you LO outgrows it son but or us it has just been an evolution. DH and I are not wishing that baby#2 is a good sleeper we are wishing he/she will not be a car screamer...
I used to cry right along with him when he was really small and I couldn't pull over. It just broke my heart. I would pull over a lot. Thing is, it doesn't really help to pull over if he starts crying again as soon as you are back in the car! You just kind of have to get used to it.
We went through about six months of good carseat days when he turned about 5-6 months old. Now, at a year, he's back to screaming! The only thing that will quiet the tears is my phone with games on it.
Make sure you have as much sun as possible blocked. That is the cause of most of our LO's tears. We can't seem to find a sunshade that actually works well and most of it comes in through the back window...
It's the same as CIO from an infant stress perspective. Whenever I hear these "your baby will learn to hate you/mistrust you/you neglector articles" i think of the screaming baby in the car.
It happens. You have to drive. You have to get out of the house. You can't stop every 5 minutes.
Baby will be ok. CIO/CITC whatever.
We live 45 minutes from town, so when DD cried in the car, I would usually try to calm her down, but if it didn't work, I would pull over to nurse her. It worked almost every time. If she was upset and we were almost to where we were going, I would give her a play by play of the drive...That actually calmed her down a lot more than singing or the radio ever did. She also got a lot better when we switched her to a convertable seat.
Thanks everyone for the great ideas. He is a fairly long baby, so we may need to move him from the infant carseat soon anyways. I will look into convertibles. And I never thought about playing DVD's. He is pretty mesmerized by the tv... It may be a fair trade off to the crying. It helps to know I'm not alone in a way
DD2 has always hated the car too. When she was really little, I'd reach back and try to stroke her hair or hold her hand if DH was driving. I also worked pretty hard to get her to take a paci because that helped. With her paci and her blankie she usually just fussed for a bit. Any long trips we planned around naps or bedtime.
As she got older, it got harder and harder to get her into the car. We have a portable DVD player, so we got a safe car mount, and we have Baby Signing Time playing continuously for her now. She now doesn't struggle at all as we put her in. She just asks for her TV. We put it on, and she's fine. I can hear her back there talking away as each song comes on.
Charlotte Ella 07.16.10
Emmeline Grace 03.27.13
The only time we let LO cio in the car was when we were driving over a snowy mountain and there seriously was no safe place to pull over, and he was just wailing..
Since the switch to the convertible seat he almost never cries in the car. I suggest a mirror back there, and giving them a toy to play with although at 4 months they might not really be into toys yet.
Switching to the more upright convertible seat really helped though.