Pregnant, baby daddy 2.5 hrs away....

filxoxo

So I'm not with the father of my unborn baby. We are friends and are very civil with each other. He is against moving by me and I don't want to move away from my family and job to be by him just so he can see his baby. I WANT him to see our child but I feel like it should be up to him to make the effort to come by me. His reasoning for not wanting to move is basically that he needs a stable environment and he recently told me he thinks he may be bipolar.. (awesome.)

He really wants to be apart of LO's life and I want him to be there, too. I just feel like there is no middle ground. He feels like it's unfair that he won't be seeing our baby as much as I do. I keep asking him what I can do to make him feel like he's more involved or what I can do to make him less upset but he has yet to give me a response. He's also upset with the idea of child support if he doesn't get to see LO very often....

Distance seems to be our main factor. And I don't want to get dirty but I feel like if I have to, I have a lot on him to prove I am more fit to raise our child than he is. I guess I'm just looking for advice or wondering if anyone else is struggling with distance with a father who wants to be involved as much as possible.

missiemae

The father of my baby lives 7 hours away. He wants to be as involved as he can be. I don't know how this will really go with him so far away. I will not be moving away from my family and support system just to be closer to him. Especially with all my parents do for me and my other kids. He says he is looking for a job that is closer, will then be 2 hours away. I am not very optimistic about this and how it will work out with him being so far away. Yes, being 2 hours away will help, but he will still miss so much and can only provide so much support over the phone. But, we are "together" which makes him spending time with the LO much easier for both of us than it will be for you. At least the 2 of you are civil, that will be easier for the 2 of you as well as your LO as it gets older.

filxoxo

I'm going to keep him as involved as possible. I tell him when all of my doctor appointments are and how they go and everything.

His thing is that he wants to see the baby as much as I do and he thinks I'm being unfair and mean when I tell him that realistically that probably won't happen, especially with nursing. He keeps saying he's just going to get screwed over because he's the dad and doesn't have as many rights. But I've told him over and over that he's welcome to see LO when she is born whenever he wants. Is it fair to make him always come to me? 

dufferoo

Well, I realize I'm kind of late to the game, but I have a little insight for you if you are still keeping up with this thread! My daughter's father lives 3 hours away. When she was little, he would come down here for short visits of a few hours whenever he could. Now that she's 8, we have court-ordered visitation schedule that puts her in Michgan with him once a month for the weekend, and about half of those visits fall on long weekends. He drives down here to pick her up at the beginning of the weekend and then I drive up there to pick her back up at the end of the weekend. He also is allowed to come down here for a day visit once a month (inbetween the weekend visits) but he rarely exercises this right. This plan has worked really well for us. Although dad would say he wants her more (oh and he does love to complain!), in reality, once a month is about enough for a child to have to go out of town.

I think it is nice that you want to help your daughter's dad have a relationship with her, but for your own sake, ignore whatever he says about fair and unfair. If he wanted to live in the same area as you guys, he could, bipolar or not. End of story. You can only give as much as he is willing to, you know? Also, about child support, he won't understand this (probably ever), but child support is not payment for visitation!! The courts view these 2 issues as entirely separate. Even if he never saw his child in her life, he would be equally responsible for her care.

 You say you're not afraid to get dirty, and that's great! Sign him up for child support and come up with what you consider to be a fair and reasonable visitation plan, and if he doesn't like it, he can fight it in court. Don't give more that you are comfortable giving!!

aruiz1982

This is when people should choose an abortion. How unfair to the child to bring them into such a confusing situation. For shame.

filxoxo

aruiz1982:

This is when people should choose an abortion. How unfair to the child to bring them into such a confusing situation. For shame.

For shame? Are you a single mother? If so, I'm sure you don't have a perfect situation for your child.

Shame on YOU for wanting me to end my child's life. Although I don't think I need to defend myself, I feel like I need to defend my child. I found out I was pregnant at 7 weeks. There was no way I was going to get an abortion when she has already grown so much. Also, we had an agreement that I was going to move in with him but he decided to move back home to be by his family. He messed up, so why should my child suffer? 

JoCoGirl911

aruiz1982:

This is when people should choose an abortion. How unfair to the child to bring them into such a confusing situation. For shame.

 

Hey aruiz-how about you back off the judgement train and take a gander at your own situation?
Why are on the Single Parents message board anyway?
Just to judge everyone?
How about shut your mouth.
Because NONE of us loving mothers want to hear you talk a mess about abortion.
Maybe YOUR Mom should have aborted you so we wouldn't have to hear your classless, trash-talking mouth.
How unfair that your kids have to have such a shameful mother.