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TTC after 35
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not rubbing it in but it feels like it

ForTheLoveOf PinkForTheLoveOf Pink member
in TTC after 35
Oh the joys of having a SIL that is nearly 15 yrs younger than us. She is obsessed with birthing and being the "perfect" mother and doula. She often calls herself a kickass cloth diapering au natural Mom........blah blah. Most days I can take it but as she is 5 mths PG now the baby drama is pumping up. As lots of you can relate, I want to be happy for them and want to be a part of their joy but I just can't. I feel like I need to pull back. All of this ambivalence is due to a FB message I got from the SIL. We are invited to a Reveal Party...where they will let everyone know the sex of the baby.  It is just family and I would be missed if I were a no-show but damn it I don't want to go!!!!!!! I kind of thought that with this being their second child the "parties" would be at a minimum......
TTC since 2009 very frustrated 42yr and DH 40

5 cycles of Clomid with satisfactory response=BFN's
Fibroid removal Nov2010
IUI Clomid #1 Feb 2011...BFN..damn it!
IUI Inject's #2 Apr 2011...CANCELLED...low estradiol
IUI Inject's #3 June 2011...BFN
IUI Inject's #4 Sept2011...BFFN
Lap Dec 2011...severe endo..cyst removed..some remains...
IVF#1 Apr 2012 ....cancelled due to over suppression
IVF#2 July 2012....6 follies...only 1 retrieved....BFFN
surgery suggested to move ovary to an better placement but....we moved two time zones away and are financially and emotionally empty

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Re: not rubbing it in but it feels like it

  • AddictedToLipBalmAddictedToLipBalm member

    That stinks! Maybe you can fake a headache the day of the RP. :)

    Seriously though, I feel your pain. My SIL (10 years younger than I) is at 7 months, and it's been pretty much the only topic of conversation with DH's family ever since she peed on the stick. Today is her shower and will have to try my hardest not to appear too depressed. I am truly happy for her, but really can't help not wanting to talk about it, hear about it, think about it.

    Long story short, I understand. Words of wisdom? I have none, except maybe this: try to smile. And when you can't, change the conversation , or take a bathroom break. My in-laws probably think I have a bladder control problem by now, haha!

    Pregnancy Ticker

    BabyFruit Ticker

    Beat stage 4 Hodgkins Lymphoma May 2011, YEAH!!!

    BFP 3/30/12, with fingers and toes all crossed.

    AMA (37) + GD = HR, grr.

    EDD 12.12.12

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  • BeckyP005BeckyP005 member

    That's rough. I'm also shocked that they are having a "Reveal " party when this is their second. But then again these parties have gotton really popular lately and they probably thought it would be fun.

    I have skipped many baby showers but the ones I HAD to go too were tough...won't lie. Very nerveracking. If this was my SIL I would have to go since it would be family but then again not sure what DH would say. Don't know how your DH would feel if you faked being sick. Good Luck in your decision.

    @Addicted...good luck to you today :)

    ME:46 MH:44 DE IVF 2014
    Met with RE 4/11. 2 IUI's BFN. DE best option. Switched clinics to do "shared" program. Had to retake all tests and a mamm that put me behind and then on a DE waiting list for 12 months. Picked a donor!! (10/13/13) Got matched. Estimated transfer in December. After 2.5 years of patiently waiting I will finally cycle....can hardly believe it. DE cycle got cancelled. One of her tests came back positive.  Waiting for another donor. Donor picked!! (1/18/14)

    DE IVF #1 (4/26) BFN  DE FET #1 (6/4) BFP! Beta 1=339 Beta 2=852 Beta 3=9957 EDD 2/22/15!!


     

     

         imageimage 
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  • MelleTXMelleTX member
    I will never understand the reveal parties. No ones really cares that much about the sex of your baby.I guess it's ok if it is a small family affair, but if you start inviting friends and planning a "party" then it's too much. 
    Single Mother by Choice. Life didn't work out the way I planned so I did it on my own. IUI #s 1-3, unmedicated = BFN, IUI #s 4-6, 50mg Clomid, Ovidrel = BFN IVF #1: 23R, 20M, 17F. 5 day transfer 2 blasts. 2 Snowbabies BFP 6dp5dt, Beta #1 7dp5dt = 58, Beta #2 9dp5dt = 114, Beta #3 10dp5dt = 187 1st Ultrasound = 5/3, not much to see yet. 2nd Ultrasound = 5/17, TWINS!!! Hospital Bed Rest at 32 weeks due to pre-ecclampsia and severe edema. Audrey Grace, 5lbs9oz, & Lydia Louise, 6lbs, born via emergency c-section on 12/6/12 at 36w1d My IVF Journey
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  • LlamamamaLlamamama member

    I have never heard of a reveal party..is it like a pre cursor to a baby shower?  Wow.  It just sounds so self involved.  Look at me!  I am having a baby!  It's the best thing that has ever happened to the world so come to my party and reinforce that I am the center of the Universe!

    Sorry.. feeling a little more bitter than usual today.. 

    I would think that your SIL would be a little more careful with you.. I mean is she completely in the dark about your IF?  I am so sorry..  :(

     

    Me: 40 Dh: 41, TTC since August 2009, began Acupuncture and Herbs Sept 2011, began Temping and Charting Nov 2011. image
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  • winidpuwinidpu
    A reveal party...WTF? It's one thing to make a big deal of the pregnancy announcement but now they are making a big deal about the baby'ssex? I don't get it...maybe I'm still bitter about my IVF failure but I don't think so. I am so tired of being PC and think it's enoughto say that given your IF difficulties that you just can't deal with baby talk but are very happy for them. Enough said. I'm sorry you aregoing through that...it sucks when you want to be happy for them but want so badly to experience the same thing. Hang in there.?
    TTC #1 since 2/10 Me 38 FSH 12.9 & AMH 0.16 DH 47, low sperm count due to meds. 07/11 We have sperm! 28 million, 70% motility, morphology 1% normal. 08/14/11 1st IUI unmedicated BFN. 09/11/11 2nd IUI w/ Femara + trigger BFN 10/14/11 trigger & Final IUI 10/16/11 BFN 10/21/11 Started acupuncture and loving it! 01/21 ET one embryo 6 cell grade C. Beta 02/02. BFN. Taking a much needed break. image
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  • annaliselannalisel member
    Your brother's wife? or your husband's brother's wife? If it's the latter, I'd decline. DH can go if he wants. If the former, I'd show up as a guest and leave immediately after the reveal.
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  • AddictedToLipBalmAddictedToLipBalm member

    imageannalisel:
    Your brother's wife? or your husband's brother's wife? If it's the latter, I'd decline. DH can go if he wants. If the former, I'd show up as a guest and leave immediately after the reveal.

    This is really good advice!

    SIL's shower wasn't too bad, but I caught many of MIL's friends & family members checking out my midsection to see if there was anything going on there. :/

    Pregnancy Ticker

    BabyFruit Ticker

    Beat stage 4 Hodgkins Lymphoma May 2011, YEAH!!!

    BFP 3/30/12, with fingers and toes all crossed.

    AMA (37) + GD = HR, grr.

    EDD 12.12.12

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  • NewMrs07NewMrs07 member
    If this is your SIL's first child, I wouldn't listen to anything she says. Everyone has the perfect plan and perfect ideas of how childbirth, parenting, etc. should be and most everything goes out the window when reality hits. So she might end up being induced, having a c-section, using formula and stocking up on Pampers b/c she's just too damn exhausted and in pain to follow her "perfect" plan. I think in 9 months you'll be laughing about what she's saying now. Trust me. A lot of stuff does NOT go according to plan Smile
    Me: 44 DH: 42. DS born healthy at 40 weeks 8/24/09. TTC since then with no luck or ART. Surprise BFP 8/6/14... MMC @ 8 weeks 4 days... Miss you everyday sweet baby angel.
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