Please help! Bad situation for DS

kiley&matt

My STBXH has been taking my son only about one or two nights a month.  Our child support hearing is coming up in a few weeks, and he has suddenly taken an interest in having DS every other weekend.  I know this is because of the hearing, and I'm not sure I'm okay with it.  I found out about a month ago that STBXH is already dating someone, (we've only been split for two months, and we hadn't even filed for divorce at the time he started seeing her). 

 Yesterday, I stopped by the house while he was at work to get a few things that I had left there (he told me to keep my key and said that it was fine if I ever wanted to go there), and this b**** is there!  She must have been upstairs in bed, but it looks like she's living there.  Her stuff is in the shower and the medicine cabinet, and her clothes and stuff were all over the place.  There were shot glasses laying all over the place, and bottles of prescription pills. 

 I do not feel good about DS being in this environment.  First of all, I do not even know her, or what kind of a person she is.  Secondly, I don't want my almost one year old son accidentally getting his hands on a bottle of prescriptions or a shot glass.  What can I do in this situation?  I've told STBXH that I'm not comfortable with him taking Liam overnight if she's going to be there, and he flipped out and said that I'm trying to control his life and that he's not going to wait around for me to be ready for him to move on.  Then, he said that he was going to tell the court that I am trying to keep his son from him.  What do I do?  I'm supposed to drop DS off at his house tomorrow morning.  Can I legally not let him see his son or will that make me look bad?

LadyLissame

Do you have a Court Order in place detailing custody? Also, do you have a lawyer?

sweetie0228

Do you have court ordered visitation?

Did you take photos of the mess w/ your camera phone?

More than likely if you have a CO visitation there is nothing you can do.  Just like you have the right to decide who is appropriate to bring in contact with your child during your CO parenting time.  He has that same right.  You will have to build a bridge and get over it.

B/c if you start trying to impose rules around his CO parenting time he will have the same rights to impose rules at your home.  Such as if you need to approve of who he brings in contact, he could be really spiteful and not approve you bringing your parents around the child.  See how that works.

Get used to the idea that you married him and created a child with him and now that you have separate households that you don't get to make the rules in his.

If you don't have a CO visistation yet, yes you can make up your own rules about if ever you ex sees your child but really it's only just prolonging the inevitable.

Not snarky just the truth.

YOU ARE NO LONGER IN CONTROL HERE.

kiley&matt

We don't have a court order yet.  Our court date isn't for another few weeks, and no, I don't have a lawyer.

kiley&matt

sweetie0228 - I don't think you're being snarky.  It is hard to realize you're no longer in control, especially when the most precious person in your life is involved.  I want DS's life to be as stable and normal as possible, and I know I can't make sure that STBXH makes that happen.  I did not take a picture of the mess.  I was pretty shaken up about the fact that another woman was living there, already, and it actually didn't cross my mind until I got home that night, but by then, it was too late.

BeachBum1223

What Tifanico said.  Having a girlfriend living with him is not going to be an issue.  The pills/shot glasses laying around are.  But until you have evidence of that its your word against his. 

 Did you let your ex take Liam today?

kiley&matt

Thanks for all of the helpful comments!  STBXH and I had a long talk Thursday night about DS and about the environment we wanted/expected for him.  I know that him having a girlfriend there is not the issue, I was more concerned about him paying more attention to her and not to Liam and, if she was there, I knew it was much more likely that he would be drinking, which I didn't want.  He agreed to no drinking while he has Liam, and this time, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and let him take Liam, under the condition that I would drop him off and could look to make sure that there was no alcohol, etc. lying around.  He did have the courtesy to put away the shot glasses and beer bottles before I showed up.  If he hadn't done that, I definitely would not have left Liam there with him.  Also, the girlfriend was not there, either, which I was relieved to see.  Who knows if she showed up later, or not, but like you have all mentioned, that's not the real problem. I'll definitely be sure to carry my camera with me so that I can take pictures in the future if I find things like that again.