Attachment Parenting
StrawberryAlarmClock
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Circumcision
StrawberryAlarmClock
member
Has this article been discussed yet?
Thoughts?
I'll be honest, I got about three paragraphs into it and my stomach started to roll with guilt. I told DH that circumcision was his decision. DS's original circ left a significant amount of foreskin. When we took him to a pedi urologist for his undescended testicle, the doctor told us that this was "wrong" and it was a "penile beard" and we "don't want that" so he "fixed" the circ while doing the orchiopexy. Now I feel even worse. DH and I are asking ourselves what we did to our baby.
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Re: Circumcision
This.
While I understand your pain and frustration, we will all do MANY things throughout our lives, especially as a parent, that we later decide were mistakes. We can't change what we already did in the past, only what we do in the future. Forgive yourselves and move forward better equipped for future decisions.
I have this article printed out on my coffee table. I am hoping DH will pick it up and read it without me forcing him to. It was written by the woman that runs my local CD store. She is an extreme intactivist. I had a lengthy convo with her husband (who also runs the store) about how to convince my DH not to circ. our LO. He said it took him two sons to finally not be weirded out by the way it looks (cuz he is cut). He said his mother wrote all five of her sons letters apologizing for having them cut.
Initially, I told DH that it was his decision. I TAKE IT BACK! My biggest fear is that I will let him do it and I wil hate myself. I don't want to end up writting my son an apology letter someday.
This is the one thing that is not cool with the whole PG. It is really stressing me out!
I've had to take this approach, although I still have guilt about circ'ing Ari. DH was against it, I was on the fence then decided not to after doing research, but got shamed into it by family members (we're Jewish).
If this one is a boy, we won't do it again. I'm not sure how I'll handle it when they ask questions about differences, but I'm absolutely not doing it again.
When DS was 7 weeks old he had a UTI of all things and had to be hospitalized for a round of IV antibiotics... and they never 'blamed' our choice not to circ on the infection, but as a guilty mom, I totally blamed myself.
If I had known it was going to happen however, my choice would have still been not to circ.....
This article just reaffirms my beliefs...
I circ'd both of my boys. I am happy with the decision we made and if we had a third we would circ again. I think it's wrong to not give anethsia before the proceedure and we had a pediatrician do ours. I only know a handful of boys who are not circ'd since most people in our area circ. A friend's little boy had to be circ'd at age 5 for medical reasons and it was much harded on him since he is older. I have another friend who is married to an uncirc'd man and he was 100% the one who pushed for their baby boy to be circ'd for a variety of reasons. It's like anything else we have to decide. If you read some vaccination ariticles you might think every child that is vaccinated is horribly harmed and it's a toxic substance that will damage your child while other articles say vaccination is 100 percent safe and you have to take every single vax or your child will get a horrible disease and die. There are extremist on either side of every issue. You can only do what you think is best and sometimes things mess up but I am sure your LO's penis will heal fine and look like every other circ'd boy.
Hey - its good to see a local momma here! Hope your pregnancy is going well. I love HBC store - they are great people.
And re: the post - I'm glad we had a girl. But DH was anti-circ anyway, even though he is circ'd
I'm not comfortable with circumcision, but I don't think you should feel guilty about having your baby circumcised. Maybe if you'd known then what you know now, you wouldn't have made the same decision, but you made what you thought was the best decision for your child at the time. That's the important thing. And he's fine, right? There's nothing to feel guilty about.
We don't plan to circ our boys, but if I hadn't run into intactivist info (which I generally find a bit extreme) I would have, because it's just so culturally standard. I don't think it usually occurs to us not to do things the typical way, unless someone challenges it.
July 3rd, 2012 ~ Hang in there sweetheart, we can't wait to meet you!
I don't think this is true. Circ'ing here is just a pain in the ass and that's why I plan on not doing it. I have to haul the kid back to the hospital 3 days after discharge and have him see 2 different pediatricians for a consult. Then I have to deck out 300.00 and deal with the after care. yeah. that's a pain in the ass.
I wish i could say I made this decision from a place of an educated, enlightened perspective and I'm challenging the status quo but the majority of people DONT circ, so that's just untrue. But its foreskin man. ITS FORESKIN. I'll save my big thinkin' for issues that matter. Every time I read a rant from a nuttastic intactivist I crack up.
Hey : ) nice to "meet" you. I feel wonderful. Sometimes i feel bad that i feel so good. I love that place too! They are a wealth of knowledge. I lurk here often but will prob become more active here soon. See ya 'round.
I am glad that series of articles is out there. Thanks for sharing Hopefully it will help parents think about this issue and really weigh what it best for their family.
That said, OP I truly hope that you can come to a place of peace on this. Every parent, EVERY parent, will make a decision for their child that leads to an unexpected complication or later they know more that could've shaped their choice. But, what is done is done. All any parent can do is learn from the past and leverage that wisdom for future benefit both for their own family and possibly for others who they are in relationship with.
For the poster who brought up the circ at age 5. I in no way want to demean your story or what this boy went through because obviously it was unexpected and upsetting for the family, but I did want to mention that older child and teen circumcision is the norm in other cultures. With Turkish Muslims, for example, boys who chose to enter the faith are circumcised as they enter puberty and it is a huge right of passage and a celebration with a parade in the streets and a party. In some African cultures, teens are circumcised at 17-18 to celebrate their transition from child to adult. When the emotional climate is supportive, older circumcision need not be traumatic.
More Green For Less Green
I feel like it is a body modification, and like all body modifications, should not be done unless the owner of the penis consents to it. To have it done in infancy despite being educated about it, I feel, is mutilation.
There are many moms who had it done without even thinking about it and now feel guilty. I don't think it's something to feel guilty over; what's done is done, and you are more educated to make a better decision next time. Parenting involves living and learning, trial and error, etc. Unfortunately circumcision is hammered into us as a standard and necessary procedure, and in wanting the best for our children, we sometimes just accept what everyone tells us should be done. Your decision to circumcise only came from a good place. You meant well, you didn't know.
I know it has religious implications as well. I'm in the camp that believes violations of human rights are not suddenly acceptable if they're done for religious purposes.
I'm lucky with this because DH is intact and strongly agrees with me. He didn't even know he was intact until we were dating in our teens. I hadn't, uh, interacted with any other penises, but I had seen babies in the family. I asked him about it and he wasn't sure, so what did we do? Looked up some porn to compare. LOL. Quickly realized we should seek out some more medical stuff, so we did... in seeing and reading about circumcised penises, he was VERY grateful that his parents left him intact. It was decided when we were 17 that any sons we'd have would be as well.
Because it's usually brought up: no, I don't support the piercing of baby girls' ears, either. Again, a modification that needs to be consented to, and the child needs to be old enough to understand how to properly care for the piercings (sticky hands that like to pull and grab can mean bad news for little pierced ears). When the time comes, if my child wants pierced ears and I feel s/he is responsible enough to take care of them, we'll go to a certified piercer (no guns at the mall).
blog! thescenery.net
I would not feel guilty over an article in psychology today. That is nowhere near being a reputable source in the psych community. That's like comparing the "chinese" food you eat in the food court at the mall to real chinese food. LOL
If you want something to help you feel more confident in the decision you made from more legitimate sources (like the best rated hospital in the US for the past 20+ years straight) I can give you that.
https://jama.ama-assn.org/content/306/13/1479.full
I'm late to the party, but wanted to add my $.02. DH and I were both pro-circ until about halfway through my pregnancy when I really started doing research. We were team green and I was SURE LO was a girl so I had hoped we wouldn't have to make this decision. After reviewing the research with DH, he finally agreed (at around 40 weeks!) that we would not circ DS. We were both very happy with our decision (and still are) until MIL went BSC and tried to make us feel guilty for NOT circ'ing DS! She had all the men in her family lined up ready to tell us how we made a big mistake and that poor DS would rot in Hell if we didn't circ him. And because of exhaustion and sleep deprivation, I did start to feel guilty. Thank God DH stepped up and told MIL to shove it. I used to have a decent relationship with her, but since DS was born she has gone crazy.
Don't let your guilt get you down. You did what you thought was right at the time and you can't regret that. What would be regretful is if you knew it wasn't right for you to circ, but did it anyway due to pressure, etc. Don't beat yourself up.
DH is anti-circ, too. He once told me knowing what he does know, he wished his parents hadn't made that decision for him and his body.
My DH feels the same exact way.
We were both ambivalent about whether or not to circumcise our DS prior to 38 weeks. We finally decided against it because we figured that it was something that could be changed down the road (vs. circ-ing and then regretting).
really, Psychology Today? this is not a good source of info.
what is a penile beard? I could not find that term anywhere.
My DH is circ, and if we have a boy he does not want him done. His parents had him done and they regret it because of the scaring it left behind.
Like the others have said what is done is done and you have educated your self for the next time what you would do or not do.
My cousin (he's 15 now) had to be circ'd at age 5 due to medical reasons. My aunt felt a lot of guilt but said she would still choose the same thing again if she had another boy, even after that. My cousin told me it's not something he really thinks about and he laughed at the notion he'd been traumatized by it.
OP, I'm sorry you feel guilt. I agree with PP's that what's done is done and I hope you'll be easy on yourself and know you did the best you could with the information you had.
To the PP not in agreement with your H about circ-ing, I hope you guys are able to come to an agreement you both are 100% comfortable with. That would be so hard
I'm assuming it's the 'extra skin' that still remains on the penis (or peen if the bump blocks the word) after a circ. That's pretty normal.
Yeah probably. That will be the part leftover to remind your child every day of the torture you inflicted on him as an infant. It has more nerve endings than the entire clitoris! When they do it your baby imagines your face and his entire perception of women will be forever associated with pain and betrayal and mutilation.
Oh man, when I mentioned to him that one argument for having it done is that uncut boys will be made fun of by other boys... DH laughed VERY hard at that for a good while! He said the last thing the guys were doing in the locker rooms at school was looking at each other's jewels.
blog! thescenery.net
Maybe it's a regional thing, but I know for a fact that guys were picked on for being uncirc'd. I remember many tales of girls in college making fun of guys that weren't. Calling it a "turtleneck" and saying it looks gross, etc. Obviously it's not going to be an issue for our generation of sons (or should be a factor in your decision) because the minority now are circ'd boys, but I don't think those stories are fabricated at all.
Lanie, that is so cool you married Jacob from Twillight. I'm jealous! lol.
Both of my boys are circumcised. It was a well thought out, well researched, informed decision. No regrets.
Circ your boy or don't-- I understand the reasons behind both decisions. The one thing I can't stand is when one side implies that the other side made the decision they did because "they didn't know any better." If parents choose to circumcise (a decision that doesn't seem very popular among the AP crowd) it doesn't mean that there was no thought behind the decision-- it means that the parents decided the pros outweighed the cons.