DCP has a black-eye....

BelleIsa

... should I ask her about it? Like, how she got it? Am I likely to get an honest answer? 

DH said to let it go and if we see it again in future that we would take DD out since we don't want her exposed to any kind of domestic violence...  (As far as I know, her DH is gone when we drop DD off in the mornings and isn't there when we pick her up, but we also get the DCP to babysit on some evenings so she IS around the DH.)

DD LOVES this DCP.  Like, banged on the door and wanted to go to her house over Christmas holidays. Is happy to see her every morning etc. so I'm reluctant to jump to conclusions, but how else do you get a black eye?

I'll prob DD this later... but what would you do in my shoes?

J+MS

Does she have kids of her own? Like, one could have accidentally kicked her in the eye? Does she have stairs? Do they just have rough sex?

MarSamWhitney

I would outright ask her. There is no way I could not ask.

BelleIsa

J+MS:

Does she have kids of her own? Like, one could have accidentally kicked her in the eye? Does she have stairs? Do they just have rough sex?

Ha ha.

Yes, she has three older boys (teenagers) and stairs.  I guess I've just never met anyone who had a black eye that somehow didn't involve a fist.  Have you?

TBLilyRose

I'd casually ask her about it, but if she got it from her husband, I doubt she will admit it. But there could be any other reason for it.

Smootchy

I think out of reaction, I would've said, "oh my goodness.. what happened?" as soon as I saw her.

I would hope and pray she maybe just slipped on ice and hit her eye on a door or something... But I guess you never know. That being said, IF it were something bad, domestic violence etc... I don't think she'd tell you. But I guess you could get an idea of if she's lying and also just sorta put it out there that you did see her injury, it did not go unnoticed.

MrsWindyCity

BelleIsa:

J+MS:

Does she have kids of her own? Like, one could have accidentally kicked her in the eye? Does she have stairs? Do they just have rough sex?

Ha ha.

Yes, she has three older boys (teenagers) and stairs.  I guess I've just never met anyone who had a black eye that somehow didn't involve a fist.  Have you?

It wasn't horrible but yes, me! On Christmas morning, DS and I were playing and he managed to headbutt me right under my eye. It wasn't like a full-circle black eye thing but I looked like a football player with a dark line under my eye. :P

I would probably ask about it casually. If she isn't trying to hide it or anything, then I don't think she can get upset or defensive about someone asking about it.

wife1014

BelleIsa:

J+MS:

Does she have kids of her own? Like, one could have accidentally kicked her in the eye? Does she have stairs? Do they just have rough sex?

Ha ha.

Yes, she has three older boys (teenagers) and stairs.  I guess I've just never met anyone who had a black eye that somehow didn't involve a fist.  Have you?

My mil fell down the stairs. She ended up needing surgery on her nose and had to black eyes.

rider5344

I've had a black eye three times in my life, none of those times involved a fist.  Softball to the eye, kicked by a horse, ran into a door while walking in the dark to get DD from her crib.  There are plenty of ways that don't involve a fist.  Just ask her, I would think it odd if I were her if you didn't ask.

hoping4sticky

I would ask - in a caring manner, not accusatory and guage her reaction. But yes, DH has gotten a black eye from the dog head butting him.

Mt2G1012

I would ask out of concern for her and my LO.  Maybe it is NBD and an accident, maybe it is DV.  If it is the latter there won't be much you can do about it anyway so you'll have to decide if you're comfortable with LO there at that point. 

RobinSparkles214

I can't imagine not saying something. It probably would've been the first thing out of my mouth, "Oh my gosh, what happened to your eye??"

It could be any number of things. I'd ask before your imagination gets the best of you.

anneimal98

Could be but not necessarily a sign of something untowards. Once I was playing soccer and got hit hard in the face with the ball resulting in a black eye... you never know.... I'd probably just ask about it casually.

J+MS

BelleIsa:

J+MS:

Does she have kids of her own? Like, one could have accidentally kicked her in the eye? Does she have stairs? Do they just have rough sex?

Ha ha.

Yes, she has three older boys (teenagers) and stairs.  I guess I've just never met anyone who had a black eye that somehow didn't involve a fist.  Have you?

plentt of times.

J+MS

BelleIsa:

J+MS:

Does she have kids of her own? Like, one could have accidentally kicked her in the eye? Does she have stairs? Do they just have rough sex?

Ha ha.

Yes, she has three older boys (teenagers) and stairs.  I guess I've just never met anyone who had a black eye that somehow didn't involve a fist.  Have you?

plentt of times.

J+MS

BelleIsa:

J+MS:

Does she have kids of her own? Like, one could have accidentally kicked her in the eye? Does she have stairs? Do they just have rough sex?

Ha ha.

Yes, she has three older boys (teenagers) and stairs.  I guess I've just never met anyone who had a black eye that somehow didn't involve a fist.  Have you?

plentt of times.

wife1014

Two, not to. Damn auto correct

BelleIsa

rider5344:

I've had a black eye three times in my life, none of those times involved a fist.  Softball to the eye, kicked by a horse, ran into a door while walking in the dark to get DD from her crib.  There are plenty of ways that don't involve a fist.  Just ask her, I would think it odd if I were her if you didn't ask.

See, that's why I was asking.  Just personally, in my life, a black eye has always been a 'fist in face' situation. 

Anyway, I'll ask tonight and get a feel for the situation. 

ASmallWonder

I'd ask in a "Oh my goodness!  What HAPPENED!!" way and see what her reaction is.  Honestly, I've had two black eyes in my life and neither was from domestic violence.  Once I got elbowed in the eye by mistake and another DH was having a bad dream and seriously punched me while I slept.  That story has been re-told many times because once we got over the shock and him feeling horrible, it's been pretty damn funny.

BelleIsa

ItsAllGravy7:

Oh and also OP- I've had SEVERAL black eyes. None of which involved a fist. One involved a softball, one involved a can of root beer, and one involved my DS1 hard head (yes that actually gave me TWO simultaneous black eyes) A lot of times if you get hit wrong in the nose it can black your eye too. I wouldn't jump to DV.

nealbl

There are thousands of ways to get a black eye.

My LO has accidently giving me one

When it snowed my car door froze shut I was pulling hard to open it, it flew open chipped my tooth and gave me a black eye.

My Mom just got a black eye while playing a game with LO. They were twirling and mom twirled into the wall LOL.

we are a clumsy group of people so I am not sure I would jump tp conclusion that it is domestic battery. You could simply say. Oh man what happened to your eye and see what she says.

and now for something completely different

I don't know what asking her is going to do. If it was DV, she'll cover it up anyways. You really think she'll tell the truth?

I was a DV victim for years and no one ever saw a mark on me. My XH was careful to make sure my injuries were easily covered.

Unless there are other concerns, I'd let it go.

 

snicksnack

My first reaction would have been to to say oh no what happened.  My guess is if it was DV she would have covered it up better.  I have gotten them from dental work.  I also have been headbutted and walked into doors.

emsumm

Yeah, there are a million ways to get a black eye. Plus, why wouldn't you just ask?  It's an obvious injury, there's nothing untoward about saying "Oh no, what happened?"  I think assuming it's from dv is jumping the gun quite a bit.

BeachBum73

I was just reading about this...I think there was a post on the Bump somewhere when I was lurking and someone mentioned that they had eye surgery and it caused a black eye and they got a lot of side eyes.  I definitely would not jump to conclusions but I don't think it would be bad to ask out of concern.

hetachu

I am extraordinarily clumsy and have broken my nose on a trampoline, busted all of my front teeth out on a merry go round, and given myself a black eye by opening my car door on my face (I've done this multiple times, but only one black eye) I think you could just ask - but I also think there could be lots of other reasons.

TBLilyRose

My mom had black eyes from dental work she had done. I'm sure you'd know if your DCP had just had dental work, but there's definitely some weird ways for black eyes to occur!

lildevil968

I have given myself a black eye with a car door, and falling down the stairs at 5am. I also have 2 kids that have given me their fare share of black eyes as well.

LilLee11

Tons of people have replied, but I felt like sharing my story! I'd definitely ask. I prb would've said something right when I saw her out of shock. I'm nosy though. My dog gave me a black eye...yep. I'm pretty sure people that didn't know me, didn't believe me or know I had a Great Dane. I was so embarrassed bc I was sure people assumed it was abuse! I was playing w my dog, threw a toy and it went under the rug. She couldn't find it so I bent over to lift up the rug. Meanwhile, she realized where it was and we both w down together and her rock hard nugget whacked my face! It was horrible! I had to grab on to the wall because I thought I was going to pass out. My dog felt so so bad though. Anyways, long story short, I'd ask. Thanks for reading my story haha

Heather R

meh, my daughter blackened the corner of my eye last week with a plastic fish.  I had a nice lump on the browbone, too.

If it makes you feel better, ask... but it would be silly to conclude it means something dramatic.

 

sillypit

My aunt got a black eye from anethesia for an out patient surgery, I wouldn't be so quick to assume domestic violence.

Jake's Mom

I don't know if I would ask, maybe, not sure though.

My mom once had a procedure done on her face, gosh I can't remember what it was now but she ended up with a huge black eye. We all worked together then (her DH, mom & me). Omg there were rumors her DH was beating her, man.

So maybe it was something medical.

zeptattoo

BelleIsa:

J+MS:

Does she have kids of her own? Like, one could have accidentally kicked her in the eye? Does she have stairs? Do they just have rough sex?

Ha ha.

Yes, she has three older boys (teenagers) and stairs.  I guess I've just never met anyone who had a black eye that somehow didn't involve a fist.  Have you?

I sure do!  DH got one this weekend when he was using a hatchet on a tree limb.  A piece of wood flew up and got him in the eyebrow and now the whole area is black and blue.  Tree 1, DH 0.

rlyttle

MarSamWhitney:

I would outright ask her. There is no way I could not ask.

THIS EXACTLY!! I couldn't let it slide, as I'm VERY direct!!  

abcxyzandsoforthversion2point0

Did you ever find out what happened? Did she cover up the DV like I said she would?