How kids address your friends

bubbles4444

Hello!  I just wanted a general consensus on this.  My husband is very close with his best friend and his friend's wife.  We got married a few years ago, and his friends had kids right after.  They have their kids address their close friends as "aunts" and "uncles."  They have their kids address my husband as "uncle," however, they have them just address me by my name.  I am pretty hurt by this.  They do the same with their friend's girlfriends / boyfriends, however, I thought that since we're married it would be different. 

When we have kids, I don't know how to have them address his friends. If I have them address his friend as "uncle" and the wife by just her name, I know she will be offended.  But if I have them both addressed as "uncle" and "aunt," I dont know how to explain the discrepency to my kids in how their kids address me.  Any advice?  What do your kids call your friends spouses?  Should I be offended? 

 

Cbidt's girl

My kids use first names. I dislike when non-family members assign me or themselves aunt status, unless they really do function like a true aunt/uncle. IMO it takes away from the significance.

jettagurl

I totally don't understand calling people "Aunt" and "uncle" when those people are not.  Isn't that confusing to a child?  I would teach them to be respectful - maybe have them call that person "Ms. Jane" or "Mr. Bobby," but I if you don't want them to call your friends "aunt" or "uncle" that is fine.  The only people my kids call "aunt" is H's sister, and "uncle" is my brother  (neither are married). 

 And don't think too much into not being called, "aunt."  If someone refers to me as "aunt H" to their kids, I don't mind, but then call myself only by first name to them. Same with others - I always refer to them as 'firstname', even if they refer to themselves as "aunt jane." 

 

EastCoastBride

I do find it weird that they don't refer to you as "aunt" while your DH is "uncle".  I dont' know that I find it offensive per se, but confusing and hurtful - yes. 

To answer your question - this is kind of an "it depends".  For our close group of friends, we tend to just go buy first names.  Some of our friends use "aunt" and "uncle", but we tend not to.  For people we arent' as close to, we use "ms./mr." before their first name. 

As to how to handle your situation, a few thoughts (once you actually are PG/ have kids):

1- your DH could just out and out ask them "So, you refer to me as "uncle" but bubbles isn't "aunt".  Why is this, and what are your expectations for what our kids call you?  Should (your DH's friend) be called uncle and (his wife) not be an aunt?" - and see what they say.  Once it's brought to their attention and they are in your shoes - they might realize how it comes across and might change this up.

Or

2- just decide to call them by their first names or use Ms/Mr before it.  If they ask 'why no uncle/ aunt?", your DH can gently tell them that you all have always found it odd that he's uncle but you're not aunt and you feel weird doing that too/ or calling her aunt when you aren't.  So you're going to do ___ instead. (That's if they even notice/ question your decision)

EastCoastBride

jettagurl:

I totally don't understand calling people "Aunt" and "uncle" when those people are not.

Some of the people I know who do this- they have a VERY small family and there really aren't any close aunts or uncles, and their friends are like siblings to them, so they give that title to their friends.

I don't think the confusion is going to be so big, though, that after an initial explanation - the kids won't be able to get on board with the fact that some people are officially "family" while others are "like family".

Mominator

Cbidt's girl:

My kids use first names. I dislike when non-family members assign me or themselves aunt status, unless they really do function like a true aunt/uncle. IMO it takes away from the significance.

Exactly this. My oldest calls his Godmother, my BFF for over 30 years, "Aunt" but she deserves that title. Anyone else, it's either by first name or Mr./Mrs. LastName if that is what they prefer.

jettagurl

EastCoastBride:

jettagurl:

I totally don't understand calling people "Aunt" and "uncle" when those people are not.

Some of the people I know who do this- they have a VERY small family and there really aren't any close aunts or uncles, and their friends are like siblings to them, so they give that title to their friends.

I don't think the confusion is going to be so big, though, that after an initial explanation - the kids won't be able to get on board with the fact that some people are officially "family" while others are "like family".

I see what you're saying about being 'like family.'

FWIW, my h's family does this.  Nearly every woman is "auntie."  When I married him 7+ years ago, he actually could not tell me how everyone was related.  His grandparents each married more than once, so his parents had step/half siblings and foster siblings.  Basically anyone who may have stayed with them for a couple months is always in the family as an 'aunt' or 'uncle'. He also has cousins that are 25+ years older than him - and they call THEM "auntie" and "uncle.'   I actually had a long convo with his mom trying to get a grasp on it  and explain to him.  So he was confused for nearly 30 years.  

 

karen6784

We always use Ms or Mr.  I am ok with that or being called by my first name.  I don't use Aunt or Uncle for anyone other than actual relatives.  If we had someone (non family) that they were super close to, I wouldn't have a problem with Auntie or Uncle.  It doesn't fit our situation at this time.

expectingnothing

My close friends they call Aunt, for others they use Miss Firstname.  I think it's odd they don't address you the same as they do your husband.  But I wouldn't read into it and get all offended either.

 Growing up my parents closest friends were all Aunt and Uncle - including the people chosen as Godparents.  My parents are only children so I have no biological aunts or uncles.  The people that we refer to as Aunt and Uncle are still in our lives today and I've known them my whole life.

jlw2505

I don't get the whole thing of calling friends aunts and uncles.  In my world, aunt and uncle is only used for those that are the kids aunts and uncles.  My kids call our friends either just their first names or Mr/Ms first name.  I actaully laughed out loud yesterday when someone referred to my DH as Mr Last Name when talking to her DD.  I told her it was really OK to refer to us by 1st name.  I am so not a formal person and perfer the whole first name thing with the kids friends.  I respect what my friends like and if they want to be called Mr/Mrs name, then that is what I will teach my kids for those people.