October 2012 due dates piss me off

mrsz2008

I shouldn't have looked at the board, but I couldn't help it. It bums me out, the end.

edited, because apparently I was offensive. Carry on.

jonesdouglas

I am so sorry for your loss.

I REFUSE to look at the August 2012 board...as its too painful.

FX for you and your family. 

rockstarpups

At least you have one baby.  

jonesdouglas

rockstarpups:

At least you have one baby.  

This exactly.

What I wouldn't give for just one... 

mrsz2008

rockstarpups:

At least you have one baby.  

Yea, and I love him more than anything, but that doesn't mean I don't miss the one I lost. But thanks. Eta: I just have to add, that was a very hurtful and terrible thing to say, I hope you never say that to someone you care about.

panacea05

mrsz2008:

rockstarpups:

At least you have one baby.  

Yea, and I love him more than anything, but that doesn't mean I don't miss the one I lost. But thanks.

A loss is a loss, whether you have no kids or 20 kids. I'm very sorry you're hurting right now. Stay far, far away from the birth month boards. No good can come from visiting those. (hugs) 

mrsz2008

panacea05:

mrsz2008:

rockstarpups:

At least you have one baby.  

Yea, and I love him more than anything, but that doesn't mean I don't miss the one I lost. But thanks.

A loss is a loss, whether you have no kids or 20 kids. I'm very sorry you're hurting right now. Stay far, far away from the birth month boards. No good can come from visiting those. (hugs) 

Thank you, I'm very sorry for your loss as well.

panacea05

jonesdouglas:

rockstarpups:

At least you have one baby.  

This exactly.

What I wouldn't give for just one... 

I'm not one to start drama--and I'm certainly not trying to now--but these comments have seriously been eating at me. To dismiss a woman's loss because she already has a child is very unfair. I understand we experience thoughts and emotions that women with children don't have to worry about (e.g. "Will I EVER get my take-home baby?"), but the OP just had to say goodbye to a baby--and because we all know horrendous that experience is, I hope you realize how hurtful your words are and will consider apologizing to the OP.    

lmb5109

panacea05:

jonesdouglas:

rockstarpups:

At least you have one baby.  

This exactly.

What I wouldn't give for just one... 

I'm not one to start drama--and I'm certainly not trying to now--but these comments have seriously been eating at me. To dismiss a woman's loss because she already has a child is very unfair. I understand we experience thoughts and emotions that women with children don't have to worry about (e.g. "Will I EVER get my take-home baby?"), but the OP just had to say goodbye to a baby--and because we all know horrendous that experience is, I hope you realize how hurtful your words are and will consider apologizing to the OP.    

No matter how many babies you do or do not have, we are here to support each other, not tear each other down at what is such a traumatic time in anyone's life. 

OP, I am so sorry for your loss! I continue to look at the Sept 2012 board. It's like a car accident, I can't look away. I tend to click on the posts where someone has mentioned a m/c. I so want to post that they are not alone and we are here for them. 

mrsz2008

lmb5109:

panacea05:

jonesdouglas:

rockstarpups:

At least you have one baby.  

This exactly.

What I wouldn't give for just one... 

I'm not one to start drama--and I'm certainly not trying to now--but these comments have seriously been eating at me. To dismiss a woman's loss because she already has a child is very unfair. I understand we experience thoughts and emotions that women with children don't have to worry about (e.g. "Will I EVER get my take-home baby?"), but the OP just had to say goodbye to a baby--and because we all know horrendous that experience is, I hope you realize how hurtful your words are and will consider apologizing to the OP.    

No matter how many babies you do or do not have, we are here to support each other, not tear each other down at what is such a traumatic time in anyone's life. 

OP, I am so sorry for your loss! I continue to look at the Sept 2012 board. It's like a car accident, I can't look away. I tend to click on the posts where someone has mentioned a m/c. I so want to post that they are not alone and we are here for them. 

Thank you, both of you, for sticking up for me. I was told that my post was insensitive on this board because it came off as me complaining I don't get 2u2, it really wasn't. That was part of it, but it was mostly that life keeps going on, and it's hard to see. I'm disappointed that I don't get as much freedom to vent as other people because I have a little boy.

I'm very sorry that everyone has to be here.

rockstarpups

I'm not trying to minimize your loss.  Any loss sucks.  But to be lamenting about not having "two under 2" is hard to hear when you have no children.  Again, I'm sorry for your loss, but I hope you can take comfort in the child that you do have.   

mrsz2008

rockstarpups:

I'm not trying to minimize your loss.  Any loss sucks.  But to be lamenting about not having "two under 2" is hard to hear when you have no children.  Again, I'm sorry for your loss, but I hope you can take comfort in the child that you do have.   

It was just part of it, not the whole post. If you start limiting what people can and can't complain about, then none of us could ever complain about anything because there's *someone* out there that has it worse than you.

panacea05

I'm not the boss, but let's consider this post expired. I don't want an argumentative post to scare away a lurker in need of support. (hugs all around!) 

jonesdouglas

I don't think rockstars intention was to be insensitive, but rather how she felt. No loss is "minimal" hence, my 1st response about how I can't stomach re-visiting my month board.

Nevertheless, FX for your family and I hope you get your take home baby soon. 

rockstarpups

Well, to be honest I can't remember everything you said, especially since you deleted it.  Miscarriages suck, and it sucks to see everyone else moving on when you aren't anymore.  I haven't been back to my birth month board because there is no point, it's over for me.  

I should be 38 weeks pregnant right now.  But I lost that one.  I should be 10 weeks pregnant right now...but I lost that one too.  

I'm not trying to limit what anyone complains about.  I probably sound like an *** to someone that's unable to get pg.  From my perspective to be complaining about not having 2 under 2 is like complaining that your meal wasn't cooked properly to someone that's starving.  Statistically for you (since you have already had a live birth) your chances of another baby are excellent.  Statistically for me, my chances are not excellent.  

We all have things to be grateful for.  I'm grateful that I can get pregnant.  I'm grateful for my supportive husband.  I'm grateful that I m/c now rather than later.  You should be grateful for your beautiful little boy.  I hope you give him an extra hug and kiss every time you think about the baby you lost.  I don't want to fight, we are all hurting and we are all here seeking support.  I'm sorry for your loss.

mrsz2008

rockstarpups:

Well, to be honest I can't remember everything you said, especially since you deleted it.  Miscarriages suck, and it sucks to see everyone else moving on when you aren't anymore.  I haven't been back to my birth month board because there is no point, it's over for me.  

I should be 38 weeks pregnant right now.  But I lost that one.  I should be 10 weeks pregnant right now...but I lost that one too.  

I'm not trying to limit what anyone complains about.  I probably sound like an *** to someone that's unable to get pg.  From my perspective to be complaining about not having 2 under 2 is like complaining that your meal wasn't cooked properly to someone that's starving.  Statistically for you (since you have already had a live birth) your chances of another baby are excellent.  Statistically for me, my chances are not excellent.  

We all have things to be grateful for.  I'm grateful that I can get pregnant.  I'm grateful for my supportive husband.  I'm grateful that I m/c now rather than later.  You should be grateful for your beautiful little boy.  I hope you give him an extra hug and kiss every time you think about the baby you lost.  I don't want to fight, we are all hurting and we are all here seeking support.  I'm sorry for your loss.

I am extremely grateful for my little boy. We obviously don't see eye to eye about what's acceptable to complain about and what's not. We all have dreams, and it's always disappointing to not see those dreams become a reality.

amandachs

I just wanted to stop in and give you (((hugs)))  I was due 10/17/11, and when I was in your shoes fresh with loss I felt the exact same way.  I'm so sorry for your loss.

smcjmk09

panacea05:

I'm not the boss, but let's consider this post expired. I don't want an argumentative post to scare away a lurker in need of support. (hugs all around!) 

 This exactly.  I've steered clear of just about every board because I can't stand snark.  It's just not necessary. Period.  I started posting on this board because I needed support and this seemed like a safe place free of hurtful comments.  I do hope we can do our best to keep it that way.  

CashewsMommy

rockstarpups:

Well, to be honest I can't remember everything you said, especially since you deleted it.  Miscarriages suck, and it sucks to see everyone else moving on when you aren't anymore.  I haven't been back to my birth month board because there is no point, it's over for me.  

I should be 38 weeks pregnant right now.  But I lost that one.  I should be 10 weeks pregnant right now...but I lost that one too.  

I'm not trying to limit what anyone complains about.  I probably sound like an *** to someone that's unable to get pg.  From my perspective to be complaining about not having 2 under 2 is like complaining that your meal wasn't cooked properly to someone that's starving.  Statistically for you (since you have already had a live birth) your chances of another baby are excellent.  Statistically for me, my chances are not excellent.  

We all have things to be grateful for.  I'm grateful that I can get pregnant.  I'm grateful for my supportive husband.  I'm grateful that I m/c now rather than later.  You should be grateful for your beautiful little boy.  I hope you give him an extra hug and kiss every time you think about the baby you lost.  I don't want to fight, we are all hurting and we are all here seeking support.  I'm sorry for your loss.

 

Well, aren't you special? Playing the whole pain game aren't you??  Maybe if I throw my stats out there you'll sit the fluck back down. But I won't. Losing a child is NOT a pain game! 

It doesn't matter how many babies you have, and how close together you have them. A loss is a loss and it still sucks. Everyone has dreams and wishes for how they want their family to be. Whether it be 2 under 2 or 2 under 1.  I didn't see the original post, but i'm pretty damn sure she didn't say. "I don't appreciate and love my current baby because I lost my other baby." Just because she has a child already, doesn't mean she doesn't get to complain about certain things!  

CashewsMommy

smcjmk09:

panacea05:

I'm not the boss, but let's consider this post expired. I don't want an argumentative post to scare away a lurker in need of support. (hugs all around!) 

 This exactly.  I've steered clear of just about every board because I can't stand snark.  It's just not necessary. Period.  I started posting on this board because I needed support and this seemed like a safe place free of hurtful comments.  I do hope we can do our best to keep it that way.  

Sorry. I couldn't keep my mouth shut.  

mrsz2008

CashewsMommy:

rockstarpups:

Well, to be honest I can't remember everything you said, especially since you deleted it.  Miscarriages suck, and it sucks to see everyone else moving on when you aren't anymore.  I haven't been back to my birth month board because there is no point, it's over for me.  

I should be 38 weeks pregnant right now.  But I lost that one.  I should be 10 weeks pregnant right now...but I lost that one too.  

I'm not trying to limit what anyone complains about.  I probably sound like an *** to someone that's unable to get pg.  From my perspective to be complaining about not having 2 under 2 is like complaining that your meal wasn't cooked properly to someone that's starving.  Statistically for you (since you have already had a live birth) your chances of another baby are excellent.  Statistically for me, my chances are not excellent.  

We all have things to be grateful for.  I'm grateful that I can get pregnant.  I'm grateful for my supportive husband.  I'm grateful that I m/c now rather than later.  You should be grateful for your beautiful little boy.  I hope you give him an extra hug and kiss every time you think about the baby you lost.  I don't want to fight, we are all hurting and we are all here seeking support.  I'm sorry for your loss.

 

Well, aren't you special? Playing the whole pain game aren't you??  Maybe if I throw my stats out there you'll sit the fluck back down. But I won't. Losing a child is NOT a pain game! 

It doesn't matter how many babies you have, and how close together you have them. A loss is a loss and it still sucks. Everyone has dreams and wishes for how they want their family to be. Whether it be 2 under 2 or 2 under 1.  I didn't see the original post, but i'm pretty damn sure she didn't say. "I don't appreciate and love my current baby because I lost my other baby." Just because she has a child already, doesn't mean she doesn't get to complain about certain things!  

You said it better that I did. I'm regretting editing my OP, but I was upset in the moment. It was something like "the farther into October due dates go makes me realize the world keeps spinning, people keep getting pregnant, and that we definitely will not be getting 2 under 2, which honestly breaks my heart. We also cant try again until April which puts the soonest DD mid January but I'd have to get pregnant on the 1st try which isn't likely."

noah-bear

Partial siggy warning.....DS pic 

rockstarpups:

Well, to be honest I can't remember everything you said, especially since you deleted it.  Miscarriages suck, and it sucks to see everyone else moving on when you aren't anymore.  I haven't been back to my birth month board because there is no point, it's over for me.  

I should be 38 weeks pregnant right now.  But I lost that one.  I should be 10 weeks pregnant right now...but I lost that one too.  

I'm not trying to limit what anyone complains about.  I probably sound like an *** to someone that's unable to get pg.  From my perspective to be complaining about not having 2 under 2 is like complaining that your meal wasn't cooked properly to someone that's starving.  Statistically for you (since you have already had a live birth) your chances of another baby are excellent.  Statistically for me, my chances are not excellent.  

We all have things to be grateful for.  I'm grateful that I can get pregnant.  I'm grateful for my supportive husband.  I'm grateful that I m/c now rather than later.  You should be grateful for your beautiful little boy.  I hope you give him an extra hug and kiss every time you think about the baby you lost.  I don't want to fight, we are all hurting and we are all here seeking support.  I'm sorry for your loss.

Have you never seen the Secondary Infertility board? I've had two losses after having my preemie son. Just because I had him doesn't mean my chances of another "successful" pregnancy are "excellent" and it's cruel to say so.

I should have a 1 yr old or 7 month old. I think of them every day and that pain will never go away no matter how many children I'm blessed with. Being grateful for what you have will never remove the brokenness or pain from what you "should" have had.

I've gotten the "but you have a kid" so many times I'm numb to it, completely. There is no more pain left in me to go to defending myself on that. 

noah-bear

mrsz2008:

 You said it better that I did. I'm regretting editing my OP, but I was upset in the moment. It was something like "the farther into October due dates go makes me realize the world keeps spinning, people keep getting pregnant, and that we definitely will not be getting 2 under 2, which honestly breaks my heart. We also cant try again until April which puts the soonest DD mid January but I'd have to get pregnant on the 1st try which isn't likely."

Don't feel bad for being upset. I was supposed to have 2u2 as well. 

After our 2nd loss, we had to try to NOT get pregnant for a year and a half. That was horribly painful and I understand where you're coming from. I hope that between now and April the healing process helps you to feel comfortable when you try again. I can honestly say that the time we had to avoid really helped me heal and feel like I was ready to move on.

mrsz2008

noah-bear:

mrsz2008:

 You said it better that I did. I'm regretting editing my OP, but I was upset in the moment. It was something like "the farther into October due dates go makes me realize the world keeps spinning, people keep getting pregnant, and that we definitely will not be getting 2 under 2, which honestly breaks my heart. We also cant try again until April which puts the soonest DD mid January but I'd have to get pregnant on the 1st try which isn't likely."

Don't feel bad for being upset. I was supposed to have 2u2 as well. 

After our 2nd loss, we had to try to NOT get pregnant for a year and a half. That was horribly painful and I understand where you're coming from. I hope that between now and April the healing process helps you to feel comfortable when you try again. I can honestly say that the time we had to avoid really helped me heal and feel like I was ready to move on.

Ughh, a year and a half?! Wow, that's awful. And thank you, I'm attempting to make the best of it, my birthday is mid April and I haven't had a party for my birthday in like 3 years (pregnant or breastfeeding for the last 2 birthdays) so I'm hoping looking forward to a get together for my will keep my mind off it.

Also, I've really found that those without children experiencing IF or a loss a lot of times don't think secondary IF or m/c is that bad because we already have a child (please note, I'm not saying EVERYONE thinks that, but I've noticed it quite a bit on these boards).

noah-bear

mrsz2008:

 Ughh, a year and a half?! Wow, that's awful. And thank you, I'm attempting to make the best of it, my birthday is mid April and I haven't had a party for my birthday in like 3 years (pregnant or breastfeeding for the last 2 birthdays) so I'm hoping looking forward to a get together for my will keep my mind off it.

Also, I've really found that those without children experiencing IF or a loss a lot of times don't think secondary IF or m/c is that bad because we already have a child (please note, I'm not saying EVERYONE thinks that, but I've noticed it quite a bit on these boards).

I think the hard part is that it's a different kind of pain. With DS, I had to still take care of him while going through my m/c's. I had to smile and play when all I wanted to do was stay in bed and cry. It's all about experience and what life has presented to you at that time. The hardest part to remember is that pain is pain no matter what else someone has in their life. 

mrsz2008

noah-bear:

mrsz2008:

 Ughh, a year and a half?! Wow, that's awful. And thank you, I'm attempting to make the best of it, my birthday is mid April and I haven't had a party for my birthday in like 3 years (pregnant or breastfeeding for the last 2 birthdays) so I'm hoping looking forward to a get together for my will keep my mind off it.

Also, I've really found that those without children experiencing IF or a loss a lot of times don't think secondary IF or m/c is that bad because we already have a child (please note, I'm not saying EVERYONE thinks that, but I've noticed it quite a bit on these boards).

I think the hard part is that it's a different kind of pain. With DS, I had to still take care of him while going through my m/c's. I had to smile and play when all I wanted to do was stay in bed and cry. It's all about experience and what life has presented to you at that time. The hardest part to remember is that pain is pain no matter what else someone has in their life. 

I completely agree with all of this. And I could've written the first part myself.

baby101010

rockstarpups:

At least you have one baby.  

wow- just wow- I am shocked at your comment and embarrassed for you for publicly making such a comment, Rockstarpups!!!!!! How cold and heartless.  I only hope that once you have your take home baby you don't experience another loss afterwards- because let me tell you-and I speak from experience.... its MUCH MUCH WORSE after you have experienced the miracle of having a little one ( its horrible before- but multiply that by 100 and thats how you feel when it happens again after having a little)... wow. 

Vphilpott

It's not MUCH MUCH WORSE when you lose a child when you already have a healthy baby. You can't compare the two. Losing a baby either way, if you already have one or not, is absolutely terrible and heart breaking. There is no way you can sit there and compare anyone's loss to someone elses. Every single person on this board is in pain whether they have a baby or not. People need to take a step back and realize we are here to help each other. I dont get on this board to get even more upset. I have lost 2 children whom I miss every single day and my hurt is no worse or less than anyone elses.

CashewsMommy

Vphilpott:

It's not MUCH MUCH WORSE when you lose a child when you already have a healthy baby. You can't compare the two. Losing a baby either way, if you already have one or not, is absolutely terrible and heart breaking. There is no way you can sit there and compare anyone's loss to someone elses. Every single person on this board is in pain whether they have a baby or not. People need to take a step back and realize we are here to help each other. I dont get on this board to get even more upset. I have lost 2 children whom I miss every single day and my hurt is no worse or less than anyone elses.

You cannot compare pain. This is not the pain Olympics.  

ilenegrace

Just thought I would add to the OP that I understand why you made the comment about 2u2 and I don't think most people obviously understood what you were saying. When we have a baby home we generally think and plan when we are going to expand and spend alot of time thinking about it (if you are like me) because spacing is a big issue alot goes into deciding how to space them and once you have finally made that decision you don't expect there will be any other hurdles. Losing a pregnancy is unexpected and loss of everything you had planned for that life and for the sibling. I have had 2 m/c since my DS and this last one really bothered me bc EDD was exactly when I wanted it! I had planned it perfectly. In my heart I am really (irrationally or not) pissed and upset that I am not due in September any more and I would have to wait a year (which I'm not willing to do) to have the same birth month. But that is just one of thousands of things I am disappointed with in addition to the loss of my babies. Anyways I get it I just wanted you to know and I am very very sorry for your loss!

JessMike07

Siggy warning! And disclaimer...this is meant for everyone and not just one or two posters.

I've been in both shoes....3 m/c prior to my DS and 1 after. So I do understand where everyone in this post is coming from. Both pairs of shoes suck. I will say that having a child the 4th time around was way more comforting then when I had no baby. However, my pain was still pain. I was still devestated and didn't understand why God was taking away my son's little brother or sister. His or her life was just as precious.

Back in 2008 & 2009 when I was pretty active on PL and TTCAL I remember being bitter towards the few (back then) that were on our boards that had children. I remember avoiding their posts like the plague. However, I am here to tell you that I should have been more supportive because years later I ended up in their shoes. For me it was easier shoes to be in (thats just me though). I had a DS to make me smile when I was depressed. I also had a DH that understood what I was going through a little better because we had been through it 3 times before. However, that probably would NOT have been the case if I had a healthy DS and then had my 1st m/c.

Now being in Secondary IF shoes I've learned through reading and research that I have no better chance then when I was going through RPL. In fact it is very common in Secondary IF to have immune issues causing their loss/es. This is much harder to detect and treat.

This past m/c I was careful what I posted and leaned on the Secondary IF group as well since its all women who have healthy children already. I come back here to offer support and encouragement where I can, especially multiple loss girls. I know most don't want to see my current siggy and I try hard to remember that.

Hormones run high here and on the other boards. Its ok and I am happy that there was an apology. I just hope you will remember my story, not as a lecture but from someone thats been there and knows how hurtful it is to see women on here w/ healthy beautiful babies already when you don't have one in your arms yet. Its altogether another kind of pain. Just remember those women who already have LOs are wondering many of the same questions you are and need a place of support as well. :::HUGS::: to everyone!!

tcuhoneyb

mrsz2008:

rockstarpups:

At least you have one baby.  

Yea, and I love him more than anything, but that doesn't mean I don't miss the one I lost. But thanks. Eta: I just have to add, that was a very hurtful and terrible thing to say, I hope you never say that to someone you care about.

I just want to say that what was said is completely uncalled for. Just because she has a child does NOT mean a mc doesn't hurt. Whether you have a million kids or this is your first baby that you lost if hurts just as bad. Ladies we are here to support each other not point the finger and be hurtful. I'm so sorry that you have experienced a loss and hope that you continue to post here for support. I'm sorry that not only are you having to deal with a mc right now, but now ladies are attacking you on this board because you have had a successful pregnancy before.  

patrickandkim

rockstarpups:

At least you have one baby.  

 

Thats klassy.... 

goodquestionskippy

:[ I am very sorry for your loss... I am due in October. I just recently had a miscarriage and I am pregnant again 3 months later thank God!

I also have a son who is 13 months and do not agree with the "at least you have one kid" comment. That was verrrry rude, even though we are blessed with a baby, does not make the loss of another less painful!

I didn't fully read all the comments but something to think about is that there are women in the October group that were in the same situation you were in and are hoping for a successful round this time...  

I stumbled across this trying to find a due date group from the interwebz. and instantly felt hurt from it (which I know I shouldn't feel hurt from a fellow mom just venting differently than I did)... and that hurt magnified when people bashed you. :[ 

 I am sorry. And I hope that you feel better. And I also hope that commenting on this doesn't start too much. But It was the first thing that popped up when I searched for due date groups October 2012. Just so ya know.