ugg, WWYD re. expensive dinner

rebs

One of my friends is having a big birthday this year.  Another friend of hers is organzing a girls dinner out to celebrate. She literally picked the most expensive restaurant in town.  I couldn't make the date sent out and was kinda relieved b/c it will be a very expensive evening.

Well, I just got an email saying a few ladies couldn't make it so could we all send her the dates we are avaliable so she could pick a better date. Now I don't know what to do.  This friend and the girl planning have alot more money than we do. However there a few of us on the list who I know would not readily choose to go to this restaurant. It is not that I couldn't afford it, but it would definitly make a dent in our budget that month, and we would have to let something else go that month.

What is bugging me is the birthday girl is super generous, always has us over for playdates, invites us to her cottage.  I would like to go and celebrate her birthday.  I just wish they had picked somewhere not so expensive. And now if I send dates I not busy I really don't have the 'I'm not avaliable' excuse. 

So should I just suck it up and go? Say something to the planner about the location (I am not sure how to do this w/o hurting her feelings). WWYD?  

Jodi&Joe

Is this a buy your own meal thing?

Or are they fronting the bill (like a typical party)??

If it's the first one, I would just respond and say that the meals there tend to be a bit out of your price range and while you would love to celebrate with them, you're not sure you can make it due to the expense.  There is nothing wrong with that. 

ETA:  You could also avoid that conversation and order light (surely they have a salad option or something similar (a large app?) for $20 or under, right?).

Angela814

Jodi&Joe:

Is this a buy your own meal thing?

Or are they fronting the bill (like a typical party)??

If it's the first one, I would just respond and say that the meals there tend to be a bit out of your price range and while you would love to celebrate with them, you're not sure you can make it due to the expense.  There is nothing wrong with that. 

ETA:  You could also avoid that conversation and order light (surely they have a salad option or something similar (a large app?) for $20 or under, right?).

I'd worry about ordering something light, and then having the hostess suggest the bill be split evenly. I think especially since it's a birthday dinner, the guests would probably be splitting the birthday girl's meal, right?

I like Jodi's suggestion and wording. I think it sounds polite and respectful without sounding cheap.

rebs

Yeah, it is a buy your own meal thing.  We have done this before but never at a place this expensive.  To boot, it is a 'a la cart' place- everyone orders their own meat then you order sides and share them as a group.  Likely the cheque will just be split evenly among the people there.  I have no idea if we will cover the birthday girl, but it is a strong possiblity.

I guess I could use what Jodi said.  Maybe say I will join them for dessert at the end?

 

JOEBunny

I would just skip it, and get her a small gift.  Magazine subscriptions are nice gifts, or flowers or chocolates.  I skip a lot of these things because I often have to get a sitter, so my $20 dinner turns into $40-$60 pretty quickly.  I can have several lunches out with people one on one for that, which I prefer. 

Edit:  I would not say anything about the place.  I would feel bad, like I was trying to control the celebration.

CTFandme

what if you say the dinner is not within your budget, but you'd love to meet up after for drinks?  Maybe then they'll realize dinner is too much?

Temp374386125003286

I would probably give a few dates as options but then end up canceling with a "sick" child.  I wouldn't feel comfortable saying that it was too expensive, although that is the mature thing to do.

AnnapolisLari

I would just say that you would love to go, but that particular restaurant is out of your budget. Be honest. In this economy, I am sure that you are not the only one feeling that way.

littlemermaid

Did the party planner pick the restaurant or is this the restaurant that the birthday girl wants to go to?

If the party planner is the one planning the location on her own then I would be honest with her and say that you would love to come but that restaurant is out of your budget but would still love to meet up for a drink before or after dinner.

If the birthday girl is set on this restaurant then I would either suck it up and go or just take the b-day girl out separately on a different night.   I wouldn't want the b-day girl to change restaurants if it was her pick just because of my budget.

MelandJeff

Why dont you just say "Money is a little tight, otherwise I would love to join you, and would join you if it weren't so expensive"

 

Make a joke about it or something. Million bucks says most of the other guests are thinking the same thing you are.

Yodajo

MelandJeff:

Make a joke about it or something. Million bucks says most of the other guests are thinking the same thing you are.

Humor always eases things.  Say something like, "XXX is a little over my budget.  I am going to see if I can sell one of my kids  and make it, but if not, I'd love to meet you all for dessert!"  

shopgirl_07

I don't know, I think if you can swing it you should go. You say the bday girl is generous, so go and treat yourself. It will be worth it.