Need Step Grandmother name ideas.

+j+k+

DH and I got into a little bit of an argument last night about him and SD calling me "Grandma". I asked DH if we could come up with a different title because I am uncomfortable with that when he has two Grandmother's and I don't want to deal with BM's drama when she finds out SD is calling me this. DH took it all wrong, as if I didn't want to be a grandmother at all. That' s not it. I don't want to take on a title that is clearly not mine when he already has two.

DH and SD have a big beef with BM and SD is denying her mother this title. That's between her and SD - It's like she's punishing her mom by denying her and giving me the title. I do'nt want to get in the middle of it, and I don't want to be forced into this "Grandma" title either when I'm struggling in my marriage and seperation and possibly divorce may be in my future if things don't change. I also have this on again, off again relationship with SD whenever she gets mad at me because I don't give her what she wants.   I'm trying to keep an appropriate, supportive Step Mom/Wife/Step Grandmother position.  I don't want to shirk any responsibility - I just prefer not to be titled the paternal grandmother. Because I am not.

So. I want to nip this one right now.  What are some names you suggest, or have used in your blended families that indicate a special grandmother type relationship? My intent is to propose these possible names to SD and teach her son that this is what you call "J". 

I dunno - maybe this is petty, but I just feel like I'm in a weird position with the tentative state of our marriage and I need to stand up for myself more on things like this. I'm tired of being forced into situations - not just something like this - but the whole DH wanting me to open our door constantly to his adult kids and other family who need help, and friends staying 2 1/2 weeks or more... there's other stuff and I keep getting railroaded.

As always, your wise advice is appreciated.

Jessys_Girl

well for my DD my mom is Grammy, my dad is Puck (don't ask, lol) and my stepmom is Grammy Cindy.

DH's dad is PaPa, his mom is no longer living but is referred to as "Gramma Tracey". DH's Ex-StepMom is "Gramma Laurel".....but we don't talk to her ever anymore, so it doesn't come up much.  DH's new StepMom is "Grammy Renee" (Grammy is sort of our term for current grandmas I guess, LOL".

 So I guess it boils down to the "title" is Grammy.  but the MAIN grammy is my mom so she's JUST Grammy. And then there are 2 step Grammy-s so they are Grammy First Name.  The FORMER grandma's (DH's mom and his ex-step mom) are Gramma First Name.

 

wwnbw

My MIL goes by Noni to all the kids so it works for everyone. My SS calls his SD's mom "Nona firstname".

CurlyQ284

We use Nana in my family.  DHs uses Mamaw. BMs mother goes by Nona.

+j+k+

A friend suggested Mee-Maw.  That sounds funny to me.  Maybe NaNa (Nah-nuh)would be fine. Or Nana J.  SD calls his other grandmother "Gramma" or "Gammah"

I feel like this is stemming from me also wanting to distinctively hang on to my roots. Blood relatives should have the first priority and distinction. Step should get secondary titles. Bear with me before someone gets ticked off with me:

I grew up with plain old Grandma and Grandpa. We weren't a blended family. Including my extended. A very VERY small percent of 250 extended family realatives have divorced or remarried so this is all still very foreign to me.  There is a little tho - My uncle (mom's brother) remarried after his wife passed away and his grandkids call his wife be her name.  Grandma was his first wife and even after passing five years go, no one is replacing that title. Doesn't mean they don't respect and love his new wife. She's a wonderful woman and very sweet to the babies. It's just our family way.

 

Holly_1007

nana sounds old to me (no offense) what about Gi-Gi, that sounds less formal to me... or even just your first name, since thats what SD calls you, right?

MrsBPO

Well, you're a grandma if you take the role, not the title.  How's that for a return line to DH.  If you're doing it strictly so BM doesn't blow a gasket then that's fine but I don't see a problem with "Grandma (first name)" because you are a grandma to her.  You're her grandfather's wife.

But if you're uncomfortable being a grandma, there's nana, grams, granny (my MIL was "Granny (first name)" to all our kids because "she's too young to be a grandma" so she was a granny by choice. (?)  True story.)  There's mee-maw as someone else said.  I've thought that "Gee-ma" (or "Jemma") could be cute if worked properly.  Or any other nickname that works for you and your grandchildren.

Signed,

Grandma (when they're with me, or Grandma "first name" when discussed in conjunction with others and generally pronounced "Gramma")

hopanka

Me-me or Mimi....same pronounciation

Karma1969

My Mom was Grandma. DH's mom is Bubbie, and my Dads wife is Grandma and first name. I cringe that my DS calls her that, especially after my Mom died, but it seemed to be how my DS picked up on it since I call her by her first name and she is with his Grandpa. I would rather him just call her first name only but it seems petty to make an issue out of correcting my DS especially since they live out of state. I wish my Mom was the only one that had the Grandma title.

Ilumine

Go with MiMi.  

Nana, Nonni, Bobcia, etc are just Grandmother/grandma/grannies in another language...thus really being called GRANDMOTHER.  defeating the purpose.

 You could also look at using the initial of your first and middle name if they roll off the tongue nicely.  

jennf8812

My husband's mother is called grams.  A lady at work goes by Yaya (I think it is Greek)

FriskyPanda

My mom is Nonna (Noe-nah) to all the kids.  My SM is just her first name.  

SueBear

https://grandparents.about.com/od/advicefornewgrandparents/a/grannynames.htm

The different language ideas are especially cute (if you are into your heritage, whatever it may be!).  I like "JJ" or "GrammyJ" but it's all what works for you. 

 

Ginlyn0

Well, my ILs are Mawmaw and Pawpaw to DD but that is also what my SKs call them. SKs call their BM's mom Nana (she isn't married) which is also what DD calls her BD's mom. DD's calls her BD's SF Granddaddy and BD's BD Pappaw. DD calls her SM's mom Grandma FirstName and she really hasn't met SM's dad enough to call him anything other than SM's dad.

Now here is the funny part. My parents are Grammy and Poop. My mom started calling my dad "an old poop" around my older nieces and nephews until it stuck. So when SKs first met my dad I was afraid BM might flip out at the thought that they have a "Poop", but luckily she didn't and none of the kids thought anything of calling him that either because that's just what everyone calls him.

My point is that the only person called "Grandma" to any of our kids is DD's SM's mom...and the next closest is DD's BD's SF at "Granddaddy." All of the grandparents pretty much have their own term of endearment and no one has ever complained about it and I certainly could care less what DD calls her stepgrandparents because they are all grandparents to her regardless.

astros_fan

A friend of mine (who is a young step-grandmother) asked to be called G-Mom....I loved it.  Hip, cool and not Grandma.

 

Good luck! 

xmaryrickx

This had been a major source of contention for my SD and me. I am not a grandmother and i wont be for at least 15 more years. When we had our big blow up last summer she threw that at me. You won't even let the baby call you grandma-ummmmm, nope. But I gave you about three hundred alternatives that were acceptable. You have to do what is right for you. I like MiMi. Lolli (h could be Pop), Lola. Those are some of the ones I had come up with. I really like Lolli. I think it's sweet.

+j+k+

Wow. All great ideas. Thank you!  I could handle several of those names. I still have a grandmother type role, but not THE grandmother role SD and DH want to push me into that I believe belongs to her mom regardless of the relationship.   I think maybe we can figure out a name that might work and make everyone happy.

Wendi - that cracks me up. I love it!

SueBear

I think you are absolutely right to not have the name "grandma."  It seems that your SD is picking that name not for you, but to cause drama with BM.  That's not fair to you.  You deserve to have a drama-free experience with grandma-hood!

tatter1975

Neenee, that's what my husbands mother goes by.

honeybee #1

I'm time deprived right now, but we use g mama and gram s.