How to balance being prepared vs. being worried?

Long=journey

Because it took 4 years to achieve this pregnancy, I had lots of time to fantasize about how wonderful my last pregnancy would be  Once I got out of the first trimester with my 2 DDs, I didn't worry much at all, but I'm having trouble relaxing with these two.  My Dr. reminds me each visit of all of the things that can go wrong, which doesn't help.  Because of this, I find myself analyzing every BH contraction, ache and pain.  I have no reason to believe that I can't make it 'til at least 36 weeks, but I spend way too much time planning for when I might have to go on bedrest, c-sections, thinking about NICU etc.  I'm not typically an anxious person, and it's not like this worry is debilitating, but I just wish I could just relax and enjoy this as much as I did my previous pregnancies.  This is mostly a vent, but if you have any tips, I'd love it!  

adacopeach

We did IFV and TTC for a couple of years, so I was the same way until about 12 weeks.  At that point, I just felt a peace with it all.  I did pray a lot asking God to take the worry off of my shoulders, so if you're religious try that.  I just came to the conclusion that God put these babies here and he's decided to let them stay   Good luck!!

missfire

I felt the same way. I never relaxed. It was just too hard with all the MFM appointments, and mine did a ton of testing and kept finding things to worry about. I got hysterical even after they were born because the nurses weren't calling out the Apgar score or anything for Baby B, and I was terrified that something was wrong. Then I had trouble breastfeeding and we were worried about their weight for awhile, and once they chunked up into healthy, happy babies, I felt too sleep deprived to relax and be thankful. 

In my first pregnancy, everything went like clockwork. The closest I had to an issue was testing positive for Group B strep. I had wonderful, affirming midwives, a doula, and a great childbirth instructor who made me feel like my body was doing its job and everything was normal and perfect. Looking back on my twin pregnancy, I wish I had made some appointments with my former midwives for that kind of support, even though they couldn't manage my pregnancy anymore. If you have anyone in your life like that, try to spend as much time with them as you can right now. It takes a lot of positive energy to counteract the doctors who make you worry!  

starburst210

i am not a fan of the doctors that "instill" worry!  i try to avoid those types b/c i am an anxious person prior to IVF and carrying multiples and I have a very hard time trying to stay calm and at peace with things when someone is reminding me that something MAY go wrong.  i want a doctor who is going to be positive on that specific visit if things look good and worry about issues IF and WHEN they occur...i don't think it's beneficial to you as a patient to be told what CAN go wrong. things CAN go wrong in any pregnancy, any basically any situation....

not to sound morbid but to put things in perspective...things can go wrong in any area of life....but we all have to live in some state of denial or we would make ourselves sick hoping we don't get hit by a bus or get struck by lightning!!  

if you are going to appointments and things are fine at that given time, then applaud yourself for making it that far and to that appnt!  be happy that in that moment you are pregnant with twins and that you are doing well!!

an old therapist told me that it makes no sense to "pay the toll twice."  meaning don't worry until something actually happens b/c worrying about it before it happens is spending extra time and energy on something you may never even need to be focusing on!!  

just know that you are doing your best and that you will DEAL with what comes your way IF you have to!!  but you may not have to at all!!    

 

Reilly626

I'm trying to stay calm but I can completely agree with you! Every time I go to the doctor I'm warned which breeds fear. I'm worried already being a first time mom with twins, which everyone comments how will you manage? Praying helps but it's tough. I'm thrilled and hesitant at the same time. Worried about starting off behind bc of the c section, etc.

klr210

I just tried to to prepare for what I could and let go of anything else that wasn't in my control. For example, I had all my showers and the nursery set up by about 30 weeks so in the event I needed to go on bed rest I didn't have unfinished business. I tried to stay active, but also didn't push myself, I ate healthy with some indulgence, I rested as much as possible, etc.. These things I had control of. The rest I just tried not to think about. 

 

klr210

Reilly626:

I'm trying to stay calm but I can completely agree with you! Every time I go to the doctor I'm warned which breeds fear. I'm worried already being a first time mom with twins, which everyone comments how will you manage? Praying helps but it's tough. I'm thrilled and hesitant at the same time. Worried about starting off behind bc of the c section, etc.

 

Do you mean starting behind because of the c-section recovery? I think if you ask on this board (you may have, I haven't been around much lately) that you'll find a lot of MoMs had easy recoveries. Mine was a RCS and by the time I went home with the twins I was feeling pretty good. I did stay up on pain meds, but I was able to do stairs and go on walks and care for my DD1 right away. Remember, babies are typically born with very basic limited needs that aren't too taxing on your body and a c/s doesn't automatically mean a tough recovery! Also, twin pregnancies are not easy... I felt WAY better after having the babies than I did at 38 weeks pregnant!

13pickle

I"m a huge worrier, i have had major depression and anxiety my whole life (okay since age 6, but thats pretty long).  i have no reason to worry, other then twins as mentioned before is stressful and doctors are often ruling out problems. i stopped my anti depressants right after m/s started, and depression wise i have been great, is is a perk of the pregnancy for me. BUT worry is still there, i would recommend seeing a talk therapist, if you can find one who works with pregnant women that is a plus. sometimes you need to let it out and have someone other than your SO or mom hear it.

good luck 

JenLC99

I also struggle with this, after having two easy vaginal deliveries with two full term infants I worry about all the things you mentioned. I worry about c-section, NICU, breastfeeding, etc. I also have the possibility of Down syndrome in one of my twins due to a 2.6 mm NT and there is always that whisper in the back of my mind. Sometimes I even try to imagine what she will look like if she has DS so I will be prepared, but my husband says that is pointless and that I am trying to justify my worrying. Anyway, I don't have much advice since I am in the same boat, but I wanted to say that I understand and you aren't alone. 

sweetsugarmama

For me it was ignorance is bliss with DD. I had lots of pregnancy complications, but since I didn't know what could go wrong I wasn't anticipating much. I had no worries about a c-sec or inductions, I ended up with a 5 day labor from induction and c-sec! It wasn't that bad (the c-sec) because I didn't have anticipated fears going in.

Now I know a lot more moms, many of them have kids with special needs so that's a big fear. I know I'll have a c-sec and for some reason it makes me nervous (mostly because the ansthesiologist doesn't usually believe I need xtra meds until I feel them cut into me like last time). and then all the extra risks with twins? I'm more paranoid then before. 

tootlebug

Long=journey:

Because it took 4 years to achieve this pregnancy, I had lots of time to fantasize about how wonderful my last pregnancy would be  Once I got out of the first trimester with my 2 DDs, I didn't worry much at all, but I'm having trouble relaxing with these two.  My Dr. reminds me each visit of all of the things that can go wrong, which doesn't help.  Because of this, I find myself analyzing every BH contraction, ache and pain.  I have no reason to believe that I can't make it 'til at least 36 weeks, but I spend way too much time planning for when I might have to go on bedrest, c-sections, thinking about NICU etc.  I'm not typically an anxious person, and it's not like this worry is debilitating, but I just wish I could just relax and enjoy this as much as I did my previous pregnancies.  This is mostly a vent, but if you have any tips, I'd love it!  

dont you love it? 

and yeah, i stress all the time.  mostly about how my 3 year old is going to handle all of this but lately it's about having a c-section.

 

macchiatto

I guess it depends on your personality and how you cope. For me, planning was helpful; it helped me relax. Worry tends to get out of control when it's vague and generalized but if we think through "OK, what would I do if this happened?" it can help lessen the anxiety.