s/o routines - color me jealous

preissless1

Of all of you with a commute time of 30 minutes or less.  My hour-long commute is starting to get the best of me.  I despise the fact that I have to rush out the door before C even wakes up to try to make it to my office by 7:45 (which rarely happens, but I'm working on it).  I despise the fact that we get home and almost immediately need to start the dinner, bath, bedtime routine.  One of my biggest fears of being a FTWM was that I would not get much time with C during the week, and the fear has become a reality.  And don't get me started on the week-long work trips I've had to take before C even turned 1... 

I like my job, and I'm good at my job, but I am starting to resent it because I feel like I'm more of a career woman than a mom. 

I've been trolling job websites more and more, trying to find something in MoCo or at least north of Chinatown/Metro Center...

umdbride

I'm totally with you, especially the evening routine part. I also feel like DH has a lot of the responsibility for actually caring for DS during the week, which makes me feel like a bad mom/wife.

I took this job only a few months ago knowing my commute would be longer (I used to work from home a lot, but that was subject to change based on projects).  I know it was the right move for me professionally and us as a family, but it still stinks.   

I try to remember that part of our evening issue is that DS goes to bed so early and over time that will change.  And that DH was/is on board with my job change and it is giving him a chance to really bond with DS when I'm not around.

Can you work something out to telework once a week or more? I am also super jealous of the 32 hour week several people do - I think that would be awesome and am considering it for down the road.

WinesNotWhines

This area is so tough with commutes and traffic. Honestly, it's a major reason why I don't want to leave my current job (or at least my agency) anytime soon. Every now and then I'll put feelers out for other job opportunities, but everything else would require me to have a 1+ hour commute.

If it makes you feel better, even with my shorter 30-minute evening commute, we only get about 30 minutes to hang out and play at home before I have to start the dinner routine. And my kid goes to bed later than most people's on this board seem to (8-8:30 pm).

mssaint

I am really good at leaving work by 4:30 when I do pickup, or 5 when I don't, and am almost always home by 5:45, and we still go straight into dinner and bedtime routine. I feel like I don't even get to talk to my husband until 7:30 when LO is asleep.

I think that's why I haven't been that proactive about getting LO STTN - it's nice to have the middle of the night cuddles when I haven't seen him all day.

I know he'll eventually start going to bed a little bit later, and we'll have more time to play with him, and it's not like he'll remember these months anyway, but it's still hard.

 ETA: We also bought our house thinking very specifically about commute. We  both work within blocks of each other, so neither had to compromise. I don't know what it would take for me to change jobs right now - definitely a lot more money if the location or flexibility was less than I had now.

MrsPhilDunphy

I know. I love working downtown, but it really makes me wish I had a job in the 'burbs (I'm unlikely to find one as good as mine that pays as well, though). We are house hunting and every neighborhood we like is a solid 1 hr commute away, as opposed to the 45 min commute I have now and I'm dreading it. I already talked to my boss about working from home on a more regular basis because I just know I can't spend 2 hours commuting five days a week and stay sane. I figure if they let my coworker do it from Richmond, I can do it from Olney or the edges of SS.

victoria1212

Our short commutes is why I have dug my heals in about moving. I don't want a bad commute!

Artslvr

My commute is 45 minutes in the a.m. and an hour in the evening and it totally sucks.  I hear you. 

My problem is with an underwater mortgage, there is no way to sell our house and move closer to work, and the job I have (and love, and that I'm good at) is so specific, there is no equivalent outside of DC.  I'd have to do a major career change to get a new job and I'm not ready to do that.

So we're stuck for now.  Like I said in an earlier post - I am REALLY grateful for my two days a week (typically, not always) telework!!!  (another reason I don't want to change jobs - where could I start at job with two days telework?  not a whole lot of places...)

Hey Jellisy

I won't work downtown anymore even though I loved being in the city.  Having a short commute is really important to me.  To DH too.  We only looked at housing that was within a 30 minute drive of both our offices.  We were very willing to compromise to live inside the beltway.       

tracy042206

I hear you.  We immediately start dinner, bathtime, bedtime when we get home and it is draining.  We both feel like we don't get a break until after 8PM since we are also trying to dishes, laundry etc during that time if only one of us is needed for a kid duty like bathtime.

I spend about 3 hours a day in my car and it sucks so badly.  We are looking to move by summertime and DH and I keep saying that we cannot wait to move.  This move is going to cost us financially since we will need to rent our current house and then rent down in VA for a few years before buying again, but the time saved for us is going to be worth it.

Sofka

even though I am home by 4:30 most days, we start dinner at 5, followed by bath at 6, bedtime at 7.

 

BirdGirl01

This is a large part of the reason we prioritized location over size of our house.  We could have a much larger house elsewhere, but many days my commute is less than < 20 mins (granted, that's at off-peak times).  H's is less!  I really think the reality of the commuting around here hits home when you have kids.  Is telework 1 or 2 days a week an option? 

mommmyz

victoria1212:

Our short commutes is why I have dug my heals in about moving. I don't want a bad commute!

This was me, but I dug my heels in about where we were moving. Before we both had 45 minute commutes (and daycare is by work - bad choice, but would never change now because we love it). After our move 2 weeks ago my commute is 5 minutes - however, I'm a teacher so it's of course easier to find a house that is near school as opposed to those of you who need to go downtown/etc. DH's commute still isn't great (45in - 1 hour), but I felt like if it was possible for one of us to be close, for so many reasons, then we should be doing that, and we could never afford housing near his job.

 I can honestly tell you it has made a world of difference. I can get a few "chores" done in the mornings even (d/w emptied, etc.) and actually cook dinner and play in the evenings. It is something I know we were very lucky to be able to do, for sure.

MrsPhilDunphy

You know what though? I have a lot of friends with kids in the area and I honestly can't think of a single family where one parent doesn't commute an hour plus. (Well, I can think of two, but they live in the boonies so I wouldn't consider them in the area). We're from the area and the same is true for our parents. It's oddly comforting to think of a crappy commute as being the norm.

Artslvr

MrsPhilDunphy:

It's oddly comforting to think of a crappy commute as being the norm.

Agree.