2 things I need advice on re: my dd, kinda long..

Melett

Even before my 3rd child was a thought, my 2nd dd has been the type who needs a lot of attention as far as making her feel special.. It's kind of hard for me to explain.. But sometimes I feel like no matter how much I do to try to make her feel special it's not enough, I try to spend alone time with her, make our own traditions etc..lately when I hold the baby She will say, "mom, you don't smile at us like that!" and yesterday I was holding the baby during dinner because she was crying and I was trying to make her laugh and dd said in my ear, " mom, you're acting like you don't love us.." and I said, " of course I do, but I'm Tori's mom too and she needs moms attention too. "These things are breaking my heart plus I have been kind of emotional lately . I'm constantly hugging and kissing her and telling her I love her. She's really sweet with the baby.. Any ideas or should I just keep doing more of the same? The 2nd thing is I think she is the irritating kid in dance class..this may have to do with the attention thing. We are only allowed to watch for the last 5 minutes so after I asked her teacher how she was doing this year paying attention( last year she was only 3 and didn't listen well) the teacher said, " she listens a lot better. She just always wants to be leader everytime. She's a leader. Dont worry I have one in every group.." so I watched more and I could just sorta tell she irritates the teacher. Everytime the teacher asks for a volunteer to be leader , my dd is very vocal about wanting to be picked and then today they learned to take a bow and the teacher asked who wanted to demonstrate theirs and of course my, dd, Iz said, "I do.." and the teacher let everyone but her. Then she told everyone to come get their sticker and Isabel says," I want to bow.." so the teacher was kind of like, " ok.." and then iz did it real quick..So my question is: should I talk to her about letting others in class have a chance? Or just let her live and learn? I guess this is just normal for some kids..I think I am being really sensitive but I really feel like she irritates the teacher.. Not sure what to think. Any advice would be helpful. I probably just need to chill out but the first problem really has me sad.

DandelionMom

Consider picking up the book Siblings Without Rivalry.  It is a pretty easy/quick read. 

Definitely keep up the snuggles, etc.  Also see if you can find some time to go out just with her.  Her dad should try to do that too. 

I don't like the way the dance teacher handled that situation at all.  There must be more effective ways to handle attention seakers.  Maybe try to put some extra focus on "taking turns" by playing some games, reading stories about that, and talking up how nice it is for everyone to have a turn/how important it is to nicely wait your turn.  And then before her next class, very briefly mention that turn taking is important in dance too.    

Melett

Thanks, very good ideas! I will look for that book too!

CTFandme

I don't like the way the teacher handled it either. Is the teacher young?  I think she has the perfect opportunity to teach the kids to share and take turns.  She should not just exclude her.  My DS is a little like this too.  He loves attention.  He learned that he can't always be first once he started preschool and the teacher explained to him that you take turns.  I think it hurt his feelings at first, but he gets it now.   

Melett

No, she's probably in her mid thirties..I can't explain her personality- she seems good at teaching dance but it not overly enthusiastic to the kids or anything..

monchichi

My older DD is very much like your DD.  I watch her in gymnastics, preschool, karate.....any class she's ever taken and she ALWAYS raises her hand to volunteer or demonstrate something.  Even if she doesn't know the answer/how to do the move.  I always cringe on the inside and wonder if the other parents are annoyed, but I would much rather have her be like that than super shy (like DS).  I've decided that DD needs to live and learn. Her teachers have always been really good about saying, "You just had a turn, so we're going to pick someone else next" and she just rolls with it.  I would be concerned if she had a fit because others were picked first, but it doesn't seem to bother her.

As a teacher myself, I'm glad she is always seeking attention.  Those kids get noticed--even if they're a tad irritating.  Kids like DS, who rarely talk or cause problems, tend to be overlooked.  I'm happy with my confident, friendly, "leader" girl  

I find the whole thing really strange because DS and DD switch roles at home.  DS is really vocal and always first, while DD is kind of steam rolled.   

lsufan

Melett:

No, she's probably in her mid thirties..I can't explain her personality- she seems good at teaching dance but it not overly enthusiastic to the kids or anything..

It seems to me that if she asks who wants to show off a new skill, she's always going to get the same kids volunteering and the same ones who are a little more shy.  Instead of asking who wants to do it, why doesn't she call on them first?

As for her comments about the baby, I'd just continue to give her as much individual attention as possible, maybe going on outings with just one parent and her, like Dandelion suggested.  I'd also involve her as much as possible in taking care of the baby.  Of course she doesn't really believe that you don't love her, but it sounds like she is still adjusting and needs a little reassurance.   

WBs_Bride

My older DD sounds very similar to your DD. She's just...tough. She loves attention and is still at 6 a total attention seeker. She's also super sensitive, and considers a compliment to anyone else (particularly her younger sister) a slight against her. I used to think she'd never grow out of the jealousy of the "baby" but the "baby" turns 4 this weekend, so she just better deal! :-) I work from home, spend lots of time with them both and one-on-one time with her as often as I can, I do special things like read in her class, etc etc, and she just plain requires a lot of attention. Now that she started K she is getting better, but believe me, she's still my "toughie." So, while I can't offer any real advice besides just keep it up, I can empathize with you!

As for the dance class thing, it was totally mean to not let your DD take her bow. Flat-out mean. I'd let it slide this time but if that kind of thing kept happening, I'd have to say something to her. As for your DD, just keep reminding her that everyone needs to take turns being the leader and sometimes, not everyone gets a turn--you know she can do it and she can show you all her moves at home, in a solo performance! As for my DD and dance class, we tried 2 different classes when she was little, but same thing--she needed to be the center of attn/ringleader and wasn't the best listener, so it was just not a good activity fit for her. She was the only one who ever had to be told to sit down in class, ie a time-out. So yeah, my kid was also one of the "one in every group"--again, I feel your pain! She's starting to ask about ballet lessons again these days and I don't know if I can deal. It's probably selfish of me but I'm seriously scarred from those days.

Melett

WB's- yes! My dd sounds just like yours! I totally forgot she does the exact same thing about compliments! If someone else gets one, she says, "well what about me?" she even says , " I'm going to be the prettiest one at dance class.." I don't know what to say to that because I don't want her to put her self worth in looks .. So I just say something like, " well you're all pretty." ugh.. Thanks everyone for the suggestions and relating..