It's 3am, can I have FFF(or Thursday) confession?

dle927

I am a mess right now and when I say anything about this IRL I feel awful (and for a multitude of reasons)...

My grandmother is not doing well.  We all feel that it may be a matter of days until she passes as she stopped eating/drinking completely 2 days ago.  She was just moved to assisted living and we thought she handled really well until about a week ago.  She started to get unresponsive and was not eating much but I went, with Claire, and she started to respond to her and actually was able to say, "She is so beautiful."  Twice.  Now I realize I may have been the last one to hear her speak a sentence.

Well, we were leaving for Florida on Friday to see my parents and take Claire to Disney (Evan was going with us for a few days).  My parents are now flying home tomorrow. The entire family is telling us to keep our plans and just miss the funeral.  Obviously no one knows when the actual end will be but if I'm in FL, I feel as if I NEED to get back.  I have not cancelled the trip yet because my parents are telling me to just go a few days late if need be.  And I know I need to cancel but I feel awful that I pumped the trip to Claire for the last two months.  Every single day we talk about Disney.  And for even thinking of the trip, and taking my kids, I feel guilty because the focus should obviously be on my grandmother. 

Dh and I need to make plans for work, and daycare now since the kids may not have spaces left for this week because of staffing, and cancel hotel (we're actually late to cancel our reservation at Disney), etc.  I have no idea when we can go instead...maybe one week later but work is awful the next week.  Or maybe September.  But I feel like I can't make Claire wait that long and we had two free tickets that expire in May. 

And everytime I think about Disney I flash to my grandmother who looks completely different than she did last week and then I lose it. I look and feel as if I got hit by a truck in a million different ways. 

goosh24

((hugs)) that's a really hard decision and I'm sorry that you're facing it. I don't have any advice for you, and you already know that it will end up being yours and DH's decision and a tough one

Telyco

Aww...I'm so sorry. I hope a decision just falls into your lap.

wendyj

That's definitely a tough call. Sorry you're having to go through this.

xKimx

That is so tough, *hugs*

abba916

Its totally a tough call but if it were me- I would take my child to disney- I would make a point to visit my grandmother and say my goodbye-

I would feel bad not being at the funeral but I've been to funerals before and I know what happens- I can come to terms with a family member dying on my own without 40 people coming up to me saying how sorry they are...shell still be dead when you get back and youll have a place to visit her ( or hopefully shell hang on)

and this is totally flame worthy but if I stayed home and my grandmother lived- I would be all kinds of pissed. horrible but true. 

dle927

Thanks, everyone. I think we decided to postpone until the end of April or September.

Abba - I appreciate the honesty...my family is encouraging us to go and said to just miss the funeral (in fact, my sister said the same thing as you).  The viewing is just before the funeral so it will be over in the course of 4 hours.  I still would feel I need to come home.  To make matters more complicated, my parents were going to watch Evan for 2 days while we were at Disney - he was going to go with us from Monday to Tuesday and my parents were going to take him home with them on Tuesday and then we were driving back to their house on Thursday.  Since they aren't there we have no one to watch him and I don't think he can handle all that time in Disney - it will be tough enough with Claire's schedule.  My parents want us to leave him here with them now that they are back but planning a funeral/watching a baby aren't really compatable (even though my mom thinks they are.) 

mrsoc

All I have is ((hugs)) for you...