just a little perspective

pinkylu

This is NOT intended for anyone in particular and definitely not meant to stir up drama.  I just wanted to give a little perspective to the way I answer some posts on here.

We lost DH's mom 5 years ago to a long and painful battle with cancer.  Her death was and continues to be devastating to DH's immediate and extended family.  She was truly the glue to their whole family.  I'm crying as I write this because there is no way to explain how much she would have loved my beautiful daughter who looks just like her daddy.  We wish everyday that she could meet Adah.  We feel her absence from our daughter's life in a deep, acute way.  

I know our parents and in-laws sometimes drive us crazy and it's hard when they don't do things exactly the way we would like, but please, take time everyday to cherish the relationship your children have with their grandparents!!!  You might not realize how much you will miss them when they are gone.

**stepping down off soapbox now**

AgathiP04

I am right there with you.  I lost my father when I was 21 and treasure when Niko recognizes him in a picture   I sometimes even have to stop myself and really try to appreciate my ILs and my own mom and how they handle things with Niko.  You never know how much time you have.  My father passed away six years ago on Halloween....I'm glad you posted this today.  Its good to know that I am not alone in that 6 yrs later I am still devastated.

JenRose05

We havent ever suffered a loss like that in our family (thankfully) ... I think Ben has the greatest of Grandparents who are very loving and caring and I would never take that for granted... they way I see my parents and my in-laws have changed dramatically when I had Ben.... I see what they experienced in their own lives and I see a whole new kind of love they have. Thankfully I know Adah is surrounded by a TON of people who love her, I am so sorry about her grandmother and I'll be thinking about you guys!

vbmeg

I am so sorry for your loss. I know my IL's as well as my own parents get get on my nerves at times and do or say things that I don't agree with but I thank God every day that we are blessed with wonderful parents and grandparents for Ryan. She is truly blessed to have all of them so close to her and DH and I always want her grandparents involved in her life.

Megs&Nick

I hear you too.  I lost my Mom six years ago to cancer and still miss her everyday.  I wonder what it would have been like to see her with the baby and sometimes wonder who I'm going to turn to with my "Mommy" questions.  My Dad is socially inept (gotta love him) and my Step-Mom is very nice but she's just not the same as my Mom.  While I know they'll love my baby too, I just don't think it is going to be the same as how my Mom would have loved her.  My Mom would have been the best Grandma ever!Nick's parents are fantastic so I know she'll feel that Grandparent love but I always wish she could feel that Grandma love from my Mom too if  that makes any sense. 

I'm certainly not judging anyone for their feelings on the Grandparents spoiling the kids because she's not even here yet and we're dealing with it already so I totally understand the frustration there.  I just sometimes wish my Mom was here to spoil her too. 

Now that I'm crying at my desk I'd better stop.  Just wanted you both to know that you're not alone!

curlypie1

You're 100% right. Grandparents are a blessing.

pinkylu

Sorry to make you cry, too, Megan!  I actually thought of you after I posted this. 

Agathi, I'll be thinking of you on Halloween.  I'm sorry about your father.

KristenBtobe

Good reminder for all of us, thanks. My grandparents mean a lot to me and I hope my parents and Mike's will have the same closeness with our children.

teacherjess

Thanks for the perspective reminder. I was getting all hot just thinking about all those toys in my house, but you are right-- this is how they show their love for her, and we are lucky they are around. DH's mom is a two-time cancer survivor and I'd rather have her showering us with useless presents and advice any day than to not have her here at all. It is important to remember, I think, whenever you think of something that bothers and annoys you that you are lucky to have something like that to complain about at all! Good to keep it all in perspective.

adamsbabble

it's wonderful that you and your dh have relationships with your parents that you value the relationship they have or would have had with your dd so much, but just because everyone doesn't feel that way doesn't mean that people are taking for granted their relationships with their parents--some people have been truly hurt by their parents or have strained relationships with them, and that is where some of the frustration comes from.  trust me, petty disagreements over things like gifts are the least of our issues.  not everyone has the same relationship with their parents as you and dh have with yours, and it's such a shame that that relationship with your mil was cut short, but it's definitely about quality time rather than quantity time.  i'm truly sorry for your loss, but trust me, i have cried many tears myself over not-so-petty things and have wished many times for the kind of relationship you and your dh have with your own families.

pinkylu

Kessler, I'm sorry if my post rubbed you the wrong way.  I think I know where you are coming from, also.  By his own choice, I have no relationship with my father who lives only minutes away from us.  So I definitely value my relationship with my mother even more because of it.  I understand that not everyone has a great relationship with their parents.  I'm not asking people never to complain or be frustrated. 

adamsbabble

I didn't intend to make it sound like I don't think you have a good point or that you shouldn't have posted this--and since I didn't say it before, I'll say it now--you do make a good point and this was a good post.  I was just adding my own "side" of it, which wasn't meant to take away from what you were saying at all.

hav2run

My thoughts are exactly the same as yours.  I have to avoid Mother/MIL/grandparent posts because I cannot answer them without coming off as being snarky or all out venting on them.  I lost my mom to breast cancer four years ago, and would give anything to watch her with DD just one time.  I remember how she was with DS, and my heart bleeds because Brenna will never know her.  DH's mom passed away as well.  Brenna will not know life with Grandma because she doesn't have one.

I know how you feel, and how hard it gets to avoid posts about mom/mil.    I am not taking anything away from parent dilemmas.  I know they can cause real stress on a family.  Sometimes I can sympathize with the person posting, and sometimes I just think about how I would LOVE to have some Mom/MIL drama around here. Just love your parents while you have them because they could be gone in a moment.

doodlebug914

We feel so blessed to have our and Ethan's grandparents in our lives.  My grandma watches Ethan for us while we're at work/school, and it is easy to get frustrated over little things.  We are very fortunate and don't want to take her or any of the other grandparents for granted.  Thank you for posting this!  Alison, I'm sorry about your dad and will be thinking about you this week!