Extended BF questions

rmm17

I know this is long so you don't have to respond to all of my questions!

Lo turns 1 two weeks from today!  We are still nursing and i plan to continue for a while.  I'm not sure i want to do complete child-led weaning but i plan to take it day by day and see how we are both feeling about it.  Right now, LO is nursing 6-8 times in a 24 hour period (morning, before nap, before lunch, before nap, before dinner, bed, and 1x/night).  I offer a lot because i've always had a fear of early weaning and always nurse right before offering solids.  I'm can't remember the last time i really waited until he "demanded" to nurse.

I think that after he turns one i would like to gradually cut back to morning, nap, nap, bed, & 1x/night.  I don't think i have a problem nursing other times if he is sick, hurt, stressed, etc. I fear that if i wait until he asks he will stop nursing completely because he's so busy and dis tractable.   Here are my general questions...

1. Is 4-5x/day a "reasonable" amount to nurse a 1 year old? 

2. What is the best way to gently get there without having a negative impact on either of us or our nursing relationship?

3. Everyone is telling me that if i don't wean him now it will be "impossible".  I know that toddlers will self-wean usually sometime after 2 years old.  If i miss this window right now, but i don't want to wait to self wean, am i going to be creating more harm to him later if i do mother led weaning closer to 18 months?

4. Are these mixed emotions about nursing/weaning common?  How do you deal with them?

 

Sorry for the long post.  Besides my LLL group i don't really know any other BF moms and my extended family thinks nursing past 1 year is "disgusting".

pepomntpat

1. Yes, 4-5 times is reasonable. Ro was nursing 8-10 times at a year. She has cut back on her own over the last few months to closer to 4-5 times. She dropped all feedings before sleep. Just decided she'd rather go straight to her crib. I cried.

2. I think the 'don't offer, don't refuse' method is the most natural. You can continue to offer during those times you want to keep nursing and just use the 'don't offer, don't refuse' for all other sessions. Nothing is all or nothing.

3. No, it is not going to be impossible. Your LO will wean eventually. And I really think that as they get older it can get easier to explain what is going on. I have read about making a book about growing up and not needing Mommy's milk anymore. That kind of thing would work well with an older toddler. Right now if I don't want to nurse right this second Ro gets her feelings hurt and doesn't understand why.

4. Yes! Weaning is a very emotional thing!  I just take things a day at a time. I am in no hurry. I have the support of my husband and LLL, but my family also thinks I'm odd. Not disgusting, so much as just odd. I told my mom and MIL to shut up...literally. I just said their opinions did not factor into my parenting decisions. I am not usually that blunt, but I wasn't opening my nursing relationship up for comments. 

Qmommy

1.  Yes 4-5x is reasonable. 

2.  Don't offer don't refuse.   Or if you think he's asking because he's hungry try offering a snack instead.  If that doesn't work let him nurse.

3.  It wont be impossible.  There's not a magic age range where it's "possible" to wean a toddler and if you miss it you may as well nurse until he's 12.  As he gets holder he may want to nurse less and less.  When he gets a little older you can set boundaries for nursing.  You can nurse when you wake up and before you go to sleep (naps and bed).  He'll eventually drop that 2nd nap (DD1 did around 15 months) and then will only be nursing 3 times a day.   

4.  BFing is emotional.  That's why toddlers typically don't self wean until their older.  It's emotional for them and you.  

I plan on weaning DD1 when she turns 2.  I had lots of comments about me continuing to BF while pregnant with DD2 and contemplating tandem nursing.  When they saw that I wasn't backing down and that I knew what I was doing they shut up.  My children, my decision.    Now my DH is adamant that I wean at 2 years but he can't give me a reason as to why.  I think it's all social and I tell him that.  Yes, I plan on weaning at 2 years but I'm a little more flexible on my timing.  He wants her done at 2 not 2 years 3 months.  I know it'll happen when it happens.

You do what you think is best for you and your family. 

rosiemomma

https://www.mother-2-mother.com/normal.htm#breastfeedingpatterns

"From 7 - 12 months baby should nurse at least 4 times in 24 hr period"

 

I'm sorry but to people's rude comments about never being able to wean I would reply "Oh good I was planning on nursing her through college." 

 My advice is "DON'T WEAN UNLESS YOU WANT TO!" I know far too many women who regret weaning earlier than they wanted, make sure it is YOUR CHOICE not your families! 

Yes weaning is emotional!

here are some great links: 

https://kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/toddlernursing.html 

 https://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/weaning_techniques.html

https://thestir.cafemom.com/toddler/116520/5_toddler_breastfeeding_myths_that?utm_medium=sm&utm_source=facebook&utm_content=natural_fanpage

https://www.drmomma.org/2008/01/10-reasons-to-nurse-your-toddler.html 

https://www.breastfeedingbasics.com/qa/nursing-beyond-the-first-year 

kami1977

rmm17:

1. Is 4-5x/day a "reasonable" amount to nurse a 1 year old? 

I think it's a reasonable amount.  I think we got down to 4 or 5 times a day pretty quickly DS turned 1.   It was a combination of allowing him to nurse on demand without offering and me cutting out nursing in public.   At 21 months we nurse morning, nap, and bedtime.   Sometimes he adds in a quick session during the day, but it's usually if he requests rather than me offering it.  Even though we don't nurse very often, I have a feeling will still be nursing for a while, DS is pretty attached to it.

2. What is the best way to gently get there without having a negative impact on either of us or our nursing relationship?

I think if you stop offering and wait till he asks to nurse, he'll naturally cut back some sessions.   If you have certain times you definitely want to cut back you can try distraction when he asks or offering a healthy snack instead of nursing.   Obviously if he is really insistent you can nurse him and try cutting that session at a later time.

3. Everyone is telling me that if i don't wean him now it will be "impossible".  I know that toddlers will self-wean usually sometime after 2 years old.  If i miss this window right now, but i don't want to wait to self wean, am i going to be creating more harm to him later if i do mother led weaning closer to 18 months?

If nursing is working for you now, I wouldn't worry about future weaning.   If at 18 months you want to wean then you start working on weaning your toddler.   If you do it gentley and with love at 18 months I don't think it would cause him harm.   When your ready you can do don't offer don't refuse and use distraction to keep him from nursing.   Lots of mothers wean at 18 months or later without harming their children. 

4. Are these mixed emotions about nursing/weaning common?  How do you deal with them?

I always said we would stop nursing at 2 years old.  As DS got closer to 18 months I started feeling like I wasn't ready quit.   I'm currently pregnant and I have very mixed emotions about trying to wean him.   Sometimes I think it would be nice for him to wean before the baby comes but then I feel guilty about wanting him to wean before he's ready just because we chose to get pregnant again.   I think it's very common to feel conflicted, especially when you go beyond what society considers to be the normal age range of nursing.  

 

Sorry for the long post.  Besides my LLL group i don't really know any other BF moms and my extended family thinks nursing past 1 year is "disgusting".

Steph_NJ

Like PP said, just do what's best for you and your family.

For me, what helped with extended BF is just to not tell people we are. I know some people are weirded out by it, so I don't give them the opportunity to comment. Most people just assume she weaned by now. If someone asks, I'm honest about it -- I just don't volunteer the info or NIP. If we're at a family party and she's telling me she wants to nurse, I'll just say she needs a diaper change and go somewhere private to nurse. I know a few other moms who are still nursing too and we support each other. It's great you have a LLL group for support. Just do what feels right for you.

My DD turns 2 in a couple of weeks and we're still going strong. It's SO important to her and I respect that, so we keep going. She's naturally starting to nurse for shorter durations, but same number of sessions: on weekends, first thing when she wakes up, before her nap, around 5:00, and before bed. (I think the 5:00 one is left over from our routine during the week -- she insists on nursing as soon as I get her home from daycare.)