I guess I would also qualify as someone who was "too young and financially unstable" with my two kids... With DD#1, I was 20. I had just come off of one bcp due to side effects and my dr had prescribed me another one to begin after my next period. We had a "got caught up in the heat of the moment" night and BAM! I was pregnant. We went ahead and got married since we were already engaged, and I worked my BUTT off to provide well for her. I continued going to college (had to drop down to just part time)and working full time and had my first house (very nice home by the way, 4 br 3 ba 2 story home so that she had a playroom and I had an office) custom built at the age of 21. We closed on it just a few days after she turned 1. Her dad wound up making some bad decisions, hanging out with the wrong people, and got on drugs. I kicked him out and kept the house and got a divorce. While HE must not have been mature enough to have a child, I knew that I had what it took to still provide her a stable life. We kept the house and went to church every week, and she NEVER did without. Last year, I was seeing a new guy (hard worker who worked 60 hours a week at a well-paying job, went to school to further his career, and went to church as well) and one night that DD#1 was at her grandmother's, we went out and had mexican and margaritas, went shopping, and came back to my house to watch a movie... I was not on bcp bc I was NOT planning on having sex again until I was married. The stupidity of drinking with a low tolerance before bringing this guy home made my decision making skills suffer, and we wound up sleeping together. He DID wear a condom, but on Dec 5, 2011 I gave birth to DD#2 (I'm 23 now- FI is 28). We are now happily engaged as well and the kids are well provided for. I am able to be a stay-at-home mom, and our kids (he treats DD1 as his own) are VERY well provided for. I am finishing up my last prereqs before I begin nursing school in the fall, and have remained focused on providing the best life for my girl(s) from day 1. I don't feel like just bc I was not on bc at the time and neither of my pregnancies were planned that I am in ANY way any less of a mother than those who had planned pregnancies later in life. While I do understand that there ARE indeed girls who use excuses like "not knowing they could get pregnant" or being on the pill when they weren't just to get pregnant and have someone love them when they WEREN'T ready, I in no way shape or form agree that a young person making a not so smart decision as far as sex and winding up pregnant automatically makes them a bad person or ant less of a parent in all cases.
I guess I would also qualify as someone who was "too young and financially unstable" with my two kids... With DD#1, I was 20. I had just come off of one bcp due to side effects and my dr had prescribed me another one to begin after my next period. We had a "got caught up in the heat of the moment" night and BAM! I was pregnant. We went ahead and got married since we were already engaged, and I worked my BUTT off to provide well for her. I continued going to college (had to drop down to just part time)and working full time and had my first house (very nice home by the way, 4 br 3 ba 2 story home so that she had a playroom and I had an office) custom built at the age of 21. We closed on it just a few days after she turned 1. Her dad wound up making some bad decisions, hanging out with the wrong people, and got on drugs. I kicked him out and kept the house and got a divorce. While HE must not have been mature enough to have a child, I knew that I had what it took to still provide her a stable life. We kept the house and went to church every week, and she NEVER did without. Last year, I was seeing a new guy (hard worker who worked 60 hours a week at a well-paying job, went to school to further his career, and went to church as well) and one night that DD#1 was at her grandmother's, we went out and had mexican and margaritas, went shopping, and came back to my house to watch a movie... I was not on bcp bc I was NOT planning on having sex again until I was married. The stupidity of drinking with a low tolerance before bringing this guy home made my decision making skills suffer, and we wound up sleeping together. He DID wear a condom, but on Dec 5, 2011 I gave birth to DD#2 (I'm 23 now- FI is 28). We are now happily engaged as well and the kids are well provided for. I am able to be a stay-at-home mom, and our kids (he treats DD1 as his own) are VERY well provided for. I am finishing up my last prereqs before I begin nursing school in the fall, and have remained focused on providing the best life for my girl(s) from day 1. I don't feel like just bc I was not on bc at the time and neither of my pregnancies were planned that I am in ANY way any less of a mother than those who had planned pregnancies later in life. While I do understand that there ARE indeed girls who use excuses like "not knowing they could get pregnant" or being on the pill when they weren't just to get pregnant and have someone love them when they WEREN'T ready, I in no way shape or form agree that a young person making a not so smart decision as far as sex and winding up pregnant automatically makes them a bad person or ant less of a parent in all cases.
OPer is not talking about your situation. And the senerio has nothing to do with being young. The type of person she is talking about could be any age. Life happens and people even make mistakes. That is okay. If you have mistakenly had 5 children with no way to pay for them or take care of them and cry about how the situation happened to you (not that you made it happen) we are talking about that person!!!
This is my personal, and I know probably unpopular, opinion. You do not get pregnant by "accident". Every decision to have sex carries a calculated risk of getting pregnant. You play the odds and sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. (Depending on the outcome you're looking for a pregnancy could be either a win or not).
This is one reason BM is so irksome to me. 3 of her children were "oops babies" as she calls them. I don't want her teaching my SD that you can "accidentally" get pregnant. I will teach her prevention, I will tell her to wait, but I will let her know that it can happen and if it does she will be responsible for another human life, for the rest of hers.
To me, if something is ruled accidental it somehow absolves the people involved of responsibility. So I don't think one gets pregnant by "accident".
Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
Now, I get that there are accidental pregnancies - BC does fail - but I don't think it has to be to the degree that I hear and see. Do people just not take having children seriously enough that they don't look around at their lives and the people in it that they don't stop to think if it's a good time or a good move and what kind of life they would bring this child into?? I'm slapping my forehead trying to figure out why this is so hard for so many people.
I was 41 before I got pregnant. And it was by choice. It was planned. I got pregnant EASILY. So how did I manage to have 22 years of sex without getting pregnant? How?
Your soapbox is adorable. My soapbox reads like this "I hate people who get pregnant when they are too old and completely disregard the risks they are taking to the child's quality of life."
Aww, so nice of you to pop in.
I like to show up where people are judging others when they have done something that is incredibly judgable and act like they are proud of it.
So if she had "accidentally" gotten pregnant at 41, that, you would find acceptable?
Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
socloudy99 - at least you got your life together for your child and didn't continue to pop out one or two more.
People make dumb mistakes, but to pass it off and say, "Oh, I didn't know...." is crap to me.
You owned it right? Did you say, "Well, I screwed that one up. Time to grow up and be a mama." or did you play dumb and act like "Gee, how did this happen?" From what you have said, you didn't do that.
People aren't perfect, they make mistakes. I do. But when you continue to make personal bad choices over and over and over again, and already are in a bad situation and you know it, and yet you bring another child into this world and from that say, "Gosh, how am I going to deal with this?" and play dumb about your sitation - THAT is what I'm talking about.
socloudy99 - at least you got your life together for your child and didn't continue to pop out one or two more.
People make dumb mistakes, but to pass it off and say, "Oh, I didn't know...." is crap to me.
You owned it right? Did you say, "Well, I screwed that one up. Time to grow up and be a mama." or did you play dumb and act like "Gee, how did this happen?" From what you have said, you didn't do that.
People aren't perfect, they make mistakes. I do. But when you continue to make personal bad choices over and over and over again, and already are in a bad situation and you know it, and yet you bring another child into this world and from that say, "Gosh, how am I going to deal with this?" and play dumb about your sitation - THAT is what I'm talking about.
I don't have any Bio only SKs. Sorry if one of my posts was confusing!!! It was annoying me that people kept trying to make your post something it wasn't. I know a few people like your post (including BM#2) and I know exactly what you mean. The people here that were offended didn't have the situation you are talking about.
I like to show up where people are judging others when they have done something that is incredibly judgable and act like they are proud of it.
So if she had "accidentally" gotten pregnant at 41, that, you would find acceptable?
You're damn skippy I am proud to be a mother at the age of 41. I come from a long line of healthy women with healthy lives and healthy children.
I hope it was clear that I thought Aruiz was completely out of line. I think it's great that you waited until you were ready to be a mom to try for a child. And I think it's even greater that you're doing it so successfully, had no trouble getting pregnant, and have such an adorable little one.
Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
Re: BC: Help me understand. Warning: Soapbox rant.
OPer is not talking about your situation. And the senerio has nothing to do with being young. The type of person she is talking about could be any age. Life happens and people even make mistakes. That is okay. If you have mistakenly had 5 children with no way to pay for them or take care of them and cry about how the situation happened to you (not that you made it happen) we are talking about that person!!!
This is my personal, and I know probably unpopular, opinion. You do not get pregnant by "accident". Every decision to have sex carries a calculated risk of getting pregnant. You play the odds and sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. (Depending on the outcome you're looking for a pregnancy could be either a win or not).
This is one reason BM is so irksome to me. 3 of her children were "oops babies" as she calls them. I don't want her teaching my SD that you can "accidentally" get pregnant. I will teach her prevention, I will tell her to wait, but I will let her know that it can happen and if it does she will be responsible for another human life, for the rest of hers.
To me, if something is ruled accidental it somehow absolves the people involved of responsibility. So I don't think one gets pregnant by "accident".
So if she had "accidentally" gotten pregnant at 41, that, you would find acceptable?
socloudy99 - at least you got your life together for your child and didn't continue to pop out one or two more.
People make dumb mistakes, but to pass it off and say, "Oh, I didn't know...." is crap to me.
You owned it right? Did you say, "Well, I screwed that one up. Time to grow up and be a mama." or did you play dumb and act like "Gee, how did this happen?" From what you have said, you didn't do that.
People aren't perfect, they make mistakes. I do. But when you continue to make personal bad choices over and over and over again, and already are in a bad situation and you know it, and yet you bring another child into this world and from that say, "Gosh, how am I going to deal with this?" and play dumb about your sitation - THAT is what I'm talking about.
You're damn skippy I am proud to be a mother at the age of 41. I come from a long line of healthy women with healthy lives and healthy children.
I don't have any Bio only SKs. Sorry if one of my posts was confusing!!! It was annoying me that people kept trying to make your post something it wasn't. I know a few people like your post (including BM#2) and I know exactly what you mean. The people here that were offended didn't have the situation you are talking about.
I hope it was clear that I thought Aruiz was completely out of line. I think it's great that you waited until you were ready to be a mom to try for a child. And I think it's even greater that you're doing it so successfully, had no trouble getting pregnant, and have such an adorable little one.