Extended BF questions
rmm17
member
Lo turns 1 two weeks from today! We are still nursing and i plan to continue for a while. I'm not sure i want to do complete child-led weaning but i plan to take it day by day and see how we are both feeling about it. Right now, LO is nursing 6-8 times in a 24 hour period (morning, before nap, before lunch, before nap, before dinner, bed, and 1x/night). I offer a lot because i've always had a fear of early weaning and always nurse right before offering solids. I'm can't remember the last time i really waited until he "demanded" to nurse.
I think that after he turns one i would like to gradually cut back to morning, nap, nap, bed, & 1x/night. I don't think i have a problem nursing other times if he is sick, hurt, stressed, etc. I fear that if i wait until he asks he will stop nursing completely because he's so busy and dis tractable. Here are my general questions...
1. Is 4-5x/day a "reasonable" amount to nurse a 1 year old?
2. What is the best way to gently get there without having a negative impact on either of us or our nursing relationship?
3. Everyone is telling me that if i don't wean him now it will be "impossible". I know that toddlers will self-wean usually sometime after 2 years old. If i miss this window right now, but i don't want to wait to self wean, am i going to be creating more harm to him later if i do mother led weaning closer to 18 months?
4. Are these mixed emotions about nursing/weaning common? How do you deal with them?
Sorry for the long post. Besides my LLL group i don't really know any other BF moms and my extended family thinks nursing past 1 year is "disgusting".
Re: Extended BF questions
I found that one year is a kind of dumb time for all that silly advice about when to wean. Why? Because my DD, and from what I heard from other moms, lots of other babies, go through a nursing spurt around that time (maybe 11 months, maybe 13, but somewhere around there).
I am going with the "don't offer, don't refuse" approach most of the time these days. Distractable or not, DD ends up asking for it - usually just in the morning or just before naps. I wouldn't worry that he won't ask for it at all!
1) 4-5x/day: I think every baby is different, so for MY DD, no 4-5x/day wouldn't have been reasonable - she was 8-10 times a day until closer to 15 or 16 months. (Usually on waking, before 1st nap, after 1st nap, before 2nd nap, after 2nd nap, before dinner, before bed, and at least twice at night.) But many kids don't nurse that often either. I probably wouldn't expect any huge changes due to a date on the calendar.
2) best way? I personally think the best way is the "don't offer, don't refuse" method. let them lead the way. you could always try distracting as well, if he starts asking a lot. (DD will sometimes want to nurse off-and-on for an hour or two in the morning. nurse for a few minutes, play for 10-15 minutes, nurse again, blah blah blah. I find it annoying. So, after her first good nursing, we take an hour break from nursing, and I tell her this if she asks in that time. I offer her food (favorites) or water (or juice if she hasn't had her once-per-day-at-most cup of juice), but I also offer other activities.)
3) can you do it later? sure! will it be harder? maybe. I don't know that it will cause HARM, and it depends on exactly what you're trying to do and when. are you trying to cut out ALL nursing when he's 18months? probably hard and stressful, but no more than now. trying to cut out everything but a morning and night nurse when he's 18months? probably less stressful than trying to do it now. but it also depends on him - what he's going through when you do try to do some variety of weaning.
4) yes! heck, I have mixed emotions about continuing to E(xtended)BF - sometimes I want my boobs back, sometimes I don't want to miss the bonding time. totally normal!
Good for you for deciding to continue rather than go with an arbitrary date that other people want to lay on you.
Hope my answers were helpful. It really comes down to trusting your instincts. You know your child and what is best for both of you. I face constant criticism about my choice to BF past a year but it's what is best for us and at the end of the day that is all that matters.
Currently going through our second deployment. Can't wait for Zoe to meet her daddy!
I hate this ignorant kind of thinking that it will be 'impossible'. The thing is, it gets so much easier after 1 and the toddler cuts down on his/her own. I don't remember exactly when but after 14 months or so DD only nursed morning and evening and sometimes during the day on weekends. Now I can gently say no, she accepts that and it has no effect on the cozy mornings and evenings where we still BF. I am so happy I just kept nursing, I had no idea previously how easy it was after 1 year old. And it does get easier to wean because you can reason better with toddlers, sometimes even without them getting a fit :-) Keep going, good luck.
DS is still nursing at 34 months. At some point it gets easier and they nurse less. If DS does not ask I do not offer. There are days where he nurse one-two times a day and there are days where he nurse often. Please do what you think is right for you and your LO; do not follow a time frame that is socially acceptable. GL!