really starting to think about #3

beachgirl1977

I am nervous to try for 3 because dh travels and I worry it will be a lot for me to juggle but I just don't feel done. If we ttc starting in June #1 would be 6 and in 1/2 k and #2 would be 2 1/2. I guess I'd just have a little time before #1 would be in school full day. I wish I could see into the future what 3 would be like. Part of me feels like if I'm not done, we should go for another. 

akaoct2005

I feel the same way.  My kids are almost 3 and 5 and the age gap, for me, is now or never.  My DH travels A TON, so it would be a lot for me to take on.  But I just don't feel quite done...

snowflakemom

That was a big factor for me, too. DH doesn't travel a lot, but some. Moreso he just works a lot of hours. I work PT for our business and am home the rest of the time. #3 is due in March and our girls will be 5 & 3 when he is born. I'm having a nanny/helper come a few days a week starting in May (also because I'm having surgery at the end of May and won't be able to be on my feet for a while) so I think having her around for the summer will be a huge help and then in the fall DD#1 will start full day kindergarten so it will just be my 3 y/o and the baby during the day. I'm definitely concerned about juggling everything, but obviously we will make it work and I am excited for this baby to get here.

CubbyMama

Ugh...right there with ya!  DH is sure we're done and is fine with getting a vasectomy, but when I start to waver and think maybe I'd like to have another one, he says he can picture himself doing it all over again if it wasn't for the lost sleep, needing a bigger car, etc.  I think if I was reeeeeally sure *I* wanted another one, he could be persuaded and would be happy with another one, but I'm not sure about me!  I go back and forth between thinking, "I love these girls so much and things are so perfect right now--why would I want to mess with that?" and "I love these girls so much and things are so perfect right now--it's a great time to have another one to love!"  During the day, I'm more likely to yearn for another baby; late at night or first thing in the morning, I think, "Thank goodness I don't have a baby and can SLEEP!"

I've never had that I Am So Done Having Kids feeling and loved being pregnant, so I'm not sure it it's just my personality and that I'd always want more kids, even when it's not realistic...or if I'll look back later and realize I really did want a third and missed the chance. 

gracendantho26

Honestly I don't think that you should just go for another based on your feeling..your reasoning for being trepidatious is important too. I had a hard time when DD entered kinder and really had second thoughts about stopping at 2 kids...serious second thoughts. However, I gave myself time to think about what would work best for me, the kids, DH, our lifestyle (DH's work hours, cost of school, future college needs etc.) and now years later I am glad I stuck with 2 kids. They are in 3rd and 1st grade now and their schooling is demanding, sports, school, exctra curriculars etc. are expensive etc. I always had to remind myself that just because I could didn't mean I should (have more kids). It's a very individual decision but such a major one...I would really weigh heavily that reality of another one to take care of versus the desire to have more.

 Good luck with your decision.

And in the interest of full discolure I really value my own quiet time, freedom and I like things to be predictable versus chaotic...so that influences the way I view adding more kids to the picture greatly.

kcisthebombdotcom

I've been kind of the same way. One part of me doesnt feel done, and the other part is more rational and thinks of the expense of a bigger car, more expensive vacations, more activities to pay for when the kids are school aged and really start getting expensive, etc.

No advice, just empathy.

AndiG

I am struggling with this too.  I have baby fever bad right now, but we really aren't in a position to have #3.  We are out of space in this condo, DD is just starting to sleep better (she's 2 1/2), DH is not sold on another kid (for good reason), costs of everything, there are a lot of reasons not too.  However, I feel like many of the reasons not too are temporary - we will get out of this condo eventually... and I am 35 now and fear that if we wait too long it will be too late and I'll always feel someone is missing. 

In my head, I think I know we are done, but my heart is heavy with that thought.

 

 

Bride2b2004

I was in the same boat, just didn't feel done.  We ended up going for it and so far life with 3 is busy, but doable and totally worth it.  Also, I don't know if we were just over-prepared, but sleep has not been a problem at all.  We go to bed early, so that helps.  The baby wakes 2 or 3 times a night- usually just to bf and go back to sleep.  Maybe he is easier, maybe we are more experienced, maybe we were prepared, whatever, it hasn't been bad at all.

ETA: with your H traveling, IMO help would be needed those days (is that something you could afford?)-- specifically, I am thinking baths & bedtime.  I couldn't do it without DH.

Zenya

Bride2b2004:

I was in the same boat, just didn't feel done.  

us too.  Things are VERY hard atm (my youngest is 8 months and mobile.. it was much easier when she was a tiny baby) but it's just 'right'.  

shouldbworkin

I will just say that sometimes larger gaps are a blessing.  We were originally trying for 3.5 yrs btwn #2 and #3.  It will end up being almost 5 years between them and I think I will love it.  This PG has been SO much easier for me than my last one b/c my kids are older.  Don't count yourself out for #3 if you decide to take longer or it takes longer. 

Also, we went back and forth for a loooong time, before we started TTC and during.  We had decided not to try for #3 a couple months before I got PG (this baby was a bit of a pleasant surprise).  I think it's normal to go back and forth, especially about #3+.  We mostly looked at how having a 3rd child would affect us far down the road in the future and always felt that we would regret not having another child at that point in our lives.  Our decision to stop TTC had more to do with the tough road we had and the age our kids were vs. us deciding we didn't want a third.  It is a big decision that impacts your life greatly now, but also has a lot of positive impact later on IMO.

adri77

My #3 ( my girl!!!) is 2.5 months, my boys are 3 and 5.  H doesn't travel, but he's works a LOT M-F.  I have to do everything alone those days, including the dinner/bath/bedtime routine.  I won't lie, it's hard with it being 3:1.  I do ok during the day, but right around 5pm, everything goes to sh!t.  Last night I had to stop reading the boys their bedtime story, right in the middle of it, b/c the baby was screaming, and I couldn't get her calm without standing and bouncing her....and then they start crying, b/c it TOTALLY wasn't fair to them, but what can you do?  i feel like someone is always getting the shaft from hours 5-8pm!  But you do your best, and I really do love having 3!  But it is hard!

surprise3rd

My third was a HUGE surprise, we had decided we were done for all the reasons you stated, and I was pushing my, 'don't feel done' yet to the side, I was 37, had two healthy growing children who are awesome, DH was done, all of that.  Now that we are expecting our third and our older two will be 7 and 5 when LO arrives, I am so excited to have a bigger age gap.  When my DD was a newborn DS was just 2.  It was so hard, literally struggling to keep my head up, I had two babies.  I can't wait to watch them as older siblings, see the love, etc.

Why don't you wait until next fall, give yourself some time to really think it through, etc.  All my friends with 3 said that the third was the easiest, so I am banking on that:)  Good luck, I completely understand where you are coming from.

Melett

I went back and forth from the time my second DC was born until I got pg with #3. I really wanted to "feel" like I was done because 2 seemed much more simple, but it just wouldn't happen, I always went back to the thought of having a third. I was getting older and wanted to make a decision already. I went on this website a lot havingthreekids.com and listened to other indecisive people on the forum..I prayed that God would help me make up my mind..My doctor told me to make the decision with my heart not my head because you can always find a reason NOT to and so finally we did..I KNOW now I would have regretted not having a third dc. I can see that now, when I couldn't before. Even when I was pg, we were still so nervous and DH was really on the fence and he now says he is soo glad they have each other. She is 4 months old and already sleeping through the night, it was very very tiring at first and keeping up with my other 2 but it is so nice now. Of course she isn't mobile yet so I am sure she will give us a run for our money then, but I know we will handle it. I DO sometimes feel like someone isn't getting enough attention, but I think that's how family is and I am trying my best. My older 2 were 6 and 4 when she was born and I think the age gap really helped! I know we may not get to always go on the most expensive vacations or they won't get to do a hundred extracurriculars but they will get some and I think that's part of learning about life..that sometimes other things are more important. I am so happy with our decision and it was one of the best ones we have ever made and I feel so settled now and am ready to move on now past having babies..Good Luck, I know it is a hard decision!