Advice please...situations/topics to address in mediation

Crystal318

So, according to my attorney, who I cant get a straight answer from, it looks like we will be going to mediation.  She said to make a list of all the questions/topics I would like to address in mediation.

I thought maybe you guys could help me out. Is there anything that you wish you had addressed but didnt? Any issues that have come up after all was said and done?

I just dont want to leave to much gray area - they less stuff we have to argue about in the future, the better.

Example - visitaion when LO is sick, out of state travel, etc.

Thanks!

sweetie0228

When you make your list make 3 columns. 1 non negociables 2 I can live with 3 if I had everything my way no matter how selfish or unresonable.

Then you go in with your list and you offer first only your If I have everything my way list.  Then you can bargin w/ the things that are on your I can live with list and you will clearly know what you will not over your cold dead body ever give up.

 

 

CFjo2010

Everything PPs have said, also don't forget:

- Holidays. All of them. Even the random holidays that the chools observe (MLK day, Presidents Day, etc). It may be a little early for the school holidays, but if they're handled now there won't be confusion later.

- Where the child will go to school. Not necessarily the specific school, but how the school will be determined (based on mother's residence, father's residence, halfway between, etc). Getting this sorted out now will avoid problems later. 

- Regarding visitation: depending on how old your child is, it may be necessary to increase either the frequency and/or duration down the road. Maybe start planning the modified schedule and include it. Example: when my bonus daughter was a newborn, my husband had visits everyday for 3 hours. He and BM were able to modify the arrangement as hey saw fit, but never had the CO modified. Whenever BM got mad, she'd revert back to the CO. Obviously that schedule worked for a newborn, but not a 4 year old. The modification was finally made, but it was a Oslo headache to have done. It can easily be put in a CO that once the child reaches a certain age the visitation schedule wil be A, B and C.

- Avoid the term, "as mutually agreed upon between the parties". This backfires all the time. I have had so many clients put this in a CO and it comes back to bite them. At some point, you will not be able to "mutually agree" on something and then you need a whole new Order.

- Extracurriculars. Again, this may be premature but get it sorted out. Take a peek at the blended families board and you'll see what a debacle this becomes later. You don't have to set specific activities, just establish how the child will be signed up for them. Will both parents have to consent? Will the activity need to land only during one parent's custodial time? Will you alternate who gets to sign the child up for things? Who will pay for the activity and necessary equipment?