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Single Parents
Dating??? Please discuss...
I'm not divorced yet, but excuse me for being curious... I'm a little excited to be single, but more so freaked the heck out.
How do you even find the time with a LO?
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Re: Dating??? Please discuss...
When you do go on a date, do they already know you have a LO, I just don't know how you would approach such a heavy subject.
Sorry, trying to live vicariously through you ladies. XD
I feel you on this one. I am NO WHERE near doing the dating scene yet, having my baby girl due in June and am still in an emotional turmoil over my STBXH.
But I also have no clue where I would even start. I am with my son 24/7 and MAYBE get him babysat a couple hours each month when I have a doctor's appointment or need to do grocery shopping. I don't even remember the last time I got out of the house to see a friend or go to a movie unless it revolved around a baby play date. The only option I have is to ask my sister since I have babysat plenty of times for her but she has two children of her own so it would be tough.
But to be totally honest, I am not ready, nor will I be for a very long time, to even begin dating. I have to find myself first and live for me and my children for a while. When I feel comfortable I might try an online thing or double date with friends. We'll see.
To be honest, there are some men out there that will NOT date women with children so instead of wasting their time and my own I plan on being very straight forward about having children. If they don't like that then there is absolutely no point in meeting. My kids are my life and I honestly couldn't picture myself out having conversation with someone and not bringing up my children.
I wouldn't go on a date with someone who I would have to find a way to bring this up with. Meaning, the people that I have dated, and will date in the future will know that I'm a mother as soon as they know my name, if that makes sense. DS is a part of me and not just some news that I would bring to said dates attention over crab cakes.
Lol. Crab cakes.
Not that I wouldn't disclose it, but like pp said, some men don't want women with kids, how the hell do you find a guy who doesn't mind?
I guess I'm not ready, but after being tied down for 8 years it's weird being alone. I'm not in a rush, but I'd like to see what's out there, maybe casually date at some point since I've never actually been able to do that... or am I silly to think I can do that now that I have a LO, you know like just date for fun? IDK if that makes sense..
It's a challenge, but I make time for myself a few times a month. I have only tried online dating, and the fact that I have a daughter is very clear. I would be extremely up front before date #1 - no use wasting time with a guy that doesn't want to date a single mom. And time is precious!
I try to schedule a date when my XH has DD, but if that doesn't work, I have a good sitter, my parents, and friends who are willing to trade babysitting jobs (for free!)
Make sure you're ready though. I dated way too quickly, even though I thought I was ready. Disaster.
Well I've really never dated someone who DID have a problem with it? ::shrugs shoulders:: Maybe we didn't even get so far as a first date if they did? Let's put it this way, I've never had a guy I was on a date with, act as if it was a problem that I had a child. One guy never asked me about my child or really acknowledged the fact that I did so he barely made it past date one. I don't want someone to ONLY see me as a mother, but they definitely have to be comfortable with the fact that I am one, KWIM?
I met my bf on eharmony, and liked that I could put in my profile that I had a kid. If someone didn't want to date someone with a kid, they could simply skip my profile. Easy as that. Sure, there were plenty of guys out there that didn't want to date me because I had a kid (and I am in my mid- late- 30s, so divorce is not all that uncommon). But I just had faith that the right person would come along and the fact that I had a son would be part of me and what made me who I am and he would love me for all I am (including being a mother). BF and I moved in together this past weekend. So there are good ones out there.
I advise NEVER going on a date ... even a first date ... with someone who doesn't know you are a mother. You are compromising yourself if you do.
I wouldn't even go on a date with anyone before telling them that I have a LO. My SO knew from the day we started talking and he never had a problem with it. It really isn't an awkward conversation or anything.
It's the ultimate catch 22 of single motherhood: the golden rule is that you don't want to introduce your kids to anyone before it's seriously serious, but you have no time away from your kids to get seriously serious with anyeone!
It is definitely easier to date as your child gets older, might have some commitments of his/her own or at least be more comfortable with a babysitter. But you'll definitely try when your kids are young and that's where you get to be creative. Some suggestions: have lunch dates during the work day, meet for a quick drink or super casual dinner, meet at the gym when the kid is in the gym babysitting room... These things are all fun, but fairly PG, which helps you to take things slow, so you don't wind up serious about someone you shouldn't be. And if you both can enjoy each other's company doing all these simple kinds of things that focus on conversation, then the dude might get to pass on to level 2!
You can definitely still date for fun if you meet someone and find the time. If its just a casual date or more of a friendship type thing you really wouldn't have to tell them. If you saw yourself continuing to date them or go on multiple dates then I would slip it in that you have a son. I think dating is out for me for a looooooong time. Having a little girl makes bringing a man in too hard. Way too many creepsters. Ill date when she is 16 and has taken a "ill kick your a$$ if you get near me" course just incase. lol
The girls see their dad for a day and a half every 6 weeks so I can't date when they are with him. I have 4 trusted babysitters (college aged aids from their daycare) and I pay $10 an hour for them to sit in my house and watch tv because they are here when the kids are asleep. Usually the girls are eating when the sitter comes, they paint nails, do hair, play games and go to bed. It's expensive - when I went to a wedding with the BF I ended up paying the sitter $90 because we were out so late. Fortunately he pays for everything when we are out on dates and I use my money for sitters.
And it is hard. I was with X for 15 years. It took a long while to feel like I wasn't doing something wrong by being with someone else - and HE is the one who cheated in the marriage. It just took alot of time to adjust.
I met the BF through a blind date - he knew I had kids. Dating people in their 30s it's pretty common. I would not go on a single date if the person didn't know I had kids or had an issue with it.
DD2 11.17.08
You have a beautiful baby and aren't divorced yet. Focus on your child and your own recovery from divorce.
Learn how to make peace with yourself, on your own, before putting yourself and your LO into another relationship.
Your LO is only 7 months old! That is your #1 priority. Dating shouldn't even be on the radar right now. It's all about your LO.
I went on meetup.com and found some groups for single parents... unfortunately they're mostly made up of women. But it's great just to get out of the house and make new friends without having to blow a bunch of money on hiring a sitter. I also joined some hiking groups and young professionals groups thinking I might meet like-minded people through those ones, but the problem is most of the interest or age based groups don't want kids around.
So I don't know. I'm also still kinda hung up on a friend of mine that moved to Chicago (I'm in Phoenix) which is depressing since long distance is really not an option... part of me has this sad hopefulness that someday we could be reunited but I'm not counting on it. :-(