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Upstate NY Babies
ArcticFox
member
Family question
ArcticFox
member
DH just got an invite for a family reunion. I don't have much family myself, I've never been to a reunion, so I was wondering a few things.
DH's mom will be there. She hasn't spoken to us in 4 years, it was a very ugly relationship and DH was always miserable around her (so basically, it is for the best). Would you go to the reunion, knowing she'll be there, and bring your kids? DH says he is not speaking to her and will be ignoring her, but it is an opportunity for her to see my kids for 2 full days. Yes, I am supportive of meeting the rest of the family, but I have to think about calculated risks - in other words, it's not about me, it's about the kids.
Also, DH doesn't stay in touch with family. I have known him for 15 years, and I the only people I have ever met, and the only people he has seen in that time period, are a couple aunts and uncles, and of course his mom and dad. He went to a funeral a couple weeks ago for a cousin that passed, and saw a lot of family members he hasn't seen (in at least 15 years). It's like he forgets how much time passes - he was shocked his aunt didn't know we had 2 kids, but the last time we saw her was 5 years ago for about an hour, and I had to remind him that. When we got married, I asked for names and addresses for people to send announcements to - got nothing. DH never participates in any holiday or bday cards, anything like that, but I send them to his family I've met. He really wants to go to this reunion. It's that pretty typical - like never keeping in touch but going to reunions like every 15-20 years?
I am not judging - I have zero experience with this stuff - so it's just an honest question.. or at least just thoughts/experiences/etc. My family situation is not normal so I don't know.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Family question
It sounds like an awkward situation with your MIL. Yikes.
My DH never talked to any of his family. When he met me he said he had only his sister and mother, that was his only family. Me, on the other hand, am very close to my cousins, extended family, siblings. Well come to find out he had dozens of cousins around (his mother was one of 15 kids!) who he hadn't talked to since he was a child. Long story short, through facebook, DH got to know several of the cousins, aunts and uncles. We are fairly close to several of them now and he really enjoys going to family outings and talking about his life when he was younger. He often tells me he didn't know what he was missing with family. It's like a missing connection since both of his parents have passed away and now B is able to meet family she wouldn't have met otherwise.
Maybe if going is too awkward, mention connecting with family members in another way?
TTC since 6/2003. m/c 9/14/03 8 weeks, 5 chemical pregnancies, mmc 6/04 12 weeks, Michael born sleeping 5/25/05 at 22weeks always our angel, fought ovarian cancer and won, m/c 4/06 5.2 weeks and 7/07 6.6 weeks,Our Miracle baby girl born 4/8/10,mc 12/18/11 at 5.3 weeks, BFP 10/26/12 dating u/s on 11/8/12 showing a strong heartbeat!EDD July 4,2013. RCS on 6/27. Baby boy in NICU for 8 long and scary days before he was able to come home. We are now a happy family of 4
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Maybe his desire to see family members has changed? He goes from nothing to an out of town funeral and now a (2 day??) reunion.
We go to dh's yearly reunion bc I think it is good to keep in touch and have Ellie know that side of the family. Dh doesnt care about going, but I think we should especially once dd was born. We go to my side's yearly reunion bc it is enjoyable - part of that reason is bc we do keep more in touch thru out the year. Both reunions are only for a few hours in the afternoon.
Is it out of town and that is why it is 2 days? Can you at least make a mini vacation out of it (like do some family thing and then just go to the reunion thing for half a day)?
I would think it will be hard at the reunion to have no contact with mil unless he has a huge family. But maybe enough time has passed that you can all look past the old issues and have a civil relationship with her for the kids sake. Not that you have to hang out with her all the time or anything, but it may be nice for the girls to know who their grandma is.
Nest Bio ~ ~ Baby Food Blog
Nope, wouldn't go then. Maybe I'm nasty but I wouldn't want her toxicity around my family or even letting her see my children.
My dad's family has a reunion every year and my mom's family has theirs every other year. I love going. My family is very close though, so a lot of the people we see often and those we don't, we are glad to catch up with. It certainly isn't 15-20 years without getting together and then randomly deciding to do something.
If you have serious issues with MIL, I wouldn't go.
Then you can't go - I don't see how you guys can avoid her at a function like a family reunion. Even if you and dh don't engage her, unless you keep the girls right by your sides the whole time, she will talk to them at some point.