Can he get unsupervised visitation?? Also alimony . . (kinda long . . . )

princesa2423

I was beyond ecstatic when I saw this board started as I need this. NEVER thought I'd be in this sitch, EVER . . . as I'm sure many others here feel . . .

So my DH has decided, after 6 years of marriage, he wants to be my XH, just 4 months after I've given him the child he's always wanted (sigh). Late last year, when DD was a few days shy of 3 months, he has a 'temper tantrum' of sorts and goes into our living room/kitchen and starts banging things around before yelling at me, kicking me out for 5 minutes (all the while DD is crying/fussing inside and I'm terrified of something happening), then yelling at me when I get back in. I had to go out that night, so of course I take DD with me, and we didn't come back that night; I wanted him to cool off. So later, he decides he doesn't want us to come back, however, he wants to be able to pick up DD to spend the day together, without me, but she's not that used to him (he was acting weird and out all the time while we lived there), she's breastfeeding and doesn't really take to a bottle of pumped milk, plus, with his past temper (temper flared up frequently back in '05/'06), talks of suicide and the fact he suffers from depression but really doesn't want to seek treatment, I'm afraid for her safety. He's threatened to take me to court for his visitation rights (I don't believe he wants any custody really; he only speaks of visitation), so I'm worried. Can he get unsupervised visitation?? I know he loves her, but I'm just afraid his instability could cause problems, I'd die if anything happened my little princess. This is crazy, because not only do I have to deal with the heartbreak of him wanting a divorce, but this too.

 PLUS, after he totalled my car last year, he got a new car, and now I have no access to that, and have to live out of my old bedroom in my mother's house with DD, but he thinks he owes me absolutely nothing. I have no job, no car, no home. Doesn't he HAVE to pay some kind of alimony?? At least until I get back on my feet??

This is all so new to me so please, any and all info would be greatly appreciated. TIA

 

P.S. What does "STBXH" mean??? I know XH, but whats the "STB" part? Lol, yea, u can tell I'm a newbie

katie_cj

STB means soon to be..so STBXH, soon to be ex-husband.

Yes, he can get unsupervised visits. Document everything. Get a lawyer. You'll need one.

 As for the alimony, it's going to depend on the state, what he earns, etc... I don't get alimony, but I made a bit more than he did.

I would look into all the resources available in your area, including legal aid if they have it. Also, you need to start looking for a job, etc. It's hard, but you can do it and get back on your feet. 

DaringMiss

Talk to a lawyer tomorrow.  You will want one that specializes in Family Law.  Most offer free or low cost consultations.

Since you longer have access to your house, I would write down all of your credit cards and bank accounts and mortgages and all of the details you can remember about your car accident.  Was that car in your name?   Was the house in your name?  Did he buy the house while you were married?  Did you contribute money towards a downpayment or towards the mortgage while you were working?

I don't know if you have a job, but if you have been staying at home to care for your child, you may be entitled to some spousal support to get you back on your feet.  If he makes more than you do, he may also be required to pay child support.  If you google your state or local courthouse, there may be links there for a child support calculator.  Plug in your numbers and you can get a vague idea of what you might get in CS.

When it comes to visitation, I would take his threats with a grain of salt.  Unless he is a Family Law attorney, he doesn't know what he is talking about.  Seriously....he is just blowing smoke.  When he tries to tell you anything, just calmly look at him and say "Well, that is for the court to decide."

He is unlikely to get overnight visitation while you are breast feeding, but he will be entitled to unsupervised visits UNLESS you can document his problems.  Were police reports filed?  Do you have any objective evidence of his unfitness?  The court is unlikely to just take your word for things.  Not because you are untrustworthy, but because bitter exes can make up lies and courts are looking to be as fair as possible.

So, from this moment forth, document everything.  Communicate only through email or text.  Print them out and keep them in a file. Write don't on a paper calendar every visit he gets, how long it lasts as well as any visits that he misses.  

Do not engage in arguments about the relationship, just communicate about the child and visits.  Do nothing that will make you appear to be withholding the child from him, but you don't have to bend over backwards to facilitate the visits either.  Be calm and centered, don't let him goad you and don't let him rattle your cage.  

 

DHYGchica3

I'm going through the same. However we were together for 8 years, we were only married for under 2 years. In MA you have to be married for 7 years to be entitled to alimony.

I'm a "displaced worker" as gov agencies would put it, I have been looking for work and work only 3-4 hours a week. I would try to apply for gov aid, they have programs to help you get back on your feet and find a job. Like daycare vouchers to help you look for a job without the LO in tote.

As far as visitations, (at least in MA) husband and wife have equal rights to the child. You are going to have to have a lot of hard evidence that will pursue the court. I've been keeping track of every incident with my stbxh.

Good luck.