Might Be Doing This Alone...

roxygulrjax

While I was at work yesterday, the boyfriend decided to move out.  I was unaware this was even on his mind.  We had been fighting since last Saturday due to him going to a bar with an ex "hook up" while I was working my second job.  He called her up and payed for her drinks when she said she was broke.  He insists that he has done nothing and this move was simply to cool off from the arguments.  He wants to continue the relationship and see what happens this week.  I don't know what to think.  There has been shady behavior the past 4 days and I'm really only going on "women's intuition" at this point.  Making sure he took the condoms we haven't used in 6 months wasn't a promising act of trust either.  I'm six months pregnant and this happened yesterday.  Any advice?

MomiJerz

All I can say is too often we ignore our intuition!

unm00red

Unfortunately, I think you need to respect your intuition.  Going out drinking with an ex and moving out without notice are not the way someone serious about working on relationship behaves.  If he's not already "out", he seems to be seriously thinking about it.

Good luck.

ChunkyMunkey

MomiJerz:

All I can say is too often we ignore our intuition!

This. With both my past relationships (one was a cheater, one was an abuser) I ignored my better judgement for a long time and it got the better of me. Listen to your gut and follow it. The fact he took the condoms with is a sure sign something is seriously off.

Can I ask how you knew about him going out with an ex hook up? Did you bust him or did he admit it? If he tried to hide it chances are a lot more is going on than you think. 

roxygulrjax

ChunkyMunkey:

MomiJerz:

All I can say is too often we ignore our intuition!

This. With both my past relationships (one was a cheater, one was an abuser) I ignored my better judgement for a long time and it got the better of me. Listen to your gut and follow it. The fact he took the condoms with is a sure sign something is seriously off.

Can I ask how you knew about him going out with an ex hook up? Did you bust him or did he admit it? If he tried to hide it chances are a lot more is going on than you think. 

 

He told me after he got home.  He's only ever gone out to the bar once before without me and txted me the whole time saying he missed me and he loved me and how beautiful I was.  This time I got nothing until he was on his way home, from dropping her off at her house.  A couple days later he changed his facebook profile pic from a pic of us to a Gator symbol and hid his friends list.  The next day there was a message he left under a status that was suppose to be a private message that didn't pan out with his explanation.  Just lots of shadiness and then moving out without notice.  I'll never forget what it felt like to walk into that apartment.  I felt as though I had been robbed.

turtle1120

There's a difference between leaving for a few days to cool off and moving out.  Leaving for a few days doesn't require taking all of your $hit and condoms.

Trust your gut.  If things seem off, they probably are.

I'd move on and make plans to do this on your own.  Going through a pregnancy on your own is really hard - I know, I've been there and done that.  But, you can do it and you will be ok.  The past year was rough, but I'm in such a better place now than I ever would have been had I stayed with my Ex.  And things do get easier.

roxygulrjax

That's basically where I am at...moving on.  It just stinks because I put everything I had into this relationship and making it work (two weeks after we broke up I found out I was pregnant and we decided to try to work things out).  I'm not entirely surprised it didn't work...I just didn't think this would be the reason it didn't work.

turtle1120

I hear ya.  My ex and I went to two different couples counselors together.  It sucks and it's hard to let go.  But it's better to put your time and effort toward your LO instead of a failing relationship that constantly stresses you out.

Hang in there!!!!

achase123

Even IF he wasn't doing anything "technically wrong" (which I'm sure he really IS) why would you be ok with the father of your child meeting up with an ex at a bar, buying her drinks and moving out?  Isn't that in and of itself enough to give you your answer.

I'm willing to bet this wasn't the first time he's shown his charming behavior either.  OP, you deserve better.  I've been in that situation, although I was married.  The only thing I regret about divorcing him when I was eight months pregnant was that it took me so long.  He was texting other women, rumors were constantly flying about him blatantly asking people out even though he was married and I even saw proof of him booking various hotels.  It was all staring me in the face and, in the end, I finally found the strength to leave.  But I only wish I would have faced reality a little sooner, the first time I KNEW something was going on.

roxygulrjax

I hear ya!  I totally look at it and think "WTF is so hard to understand".  I guess I'm just sad.  I'm going to be a FTM and this is just not what I pictured.  But I didn't do this.  These were his choices...I'm just reacting.

debs672

luckystarz:

achase123:

Even IF he wasn't doing anything "technically wrong" (which I'm sure he really IS) why would you be ok with the father of your child meeting up with an ex at a bar, buying her drinks and moving out?  Isn't that in and of itself enough to give you your answer.

I'm willing to bet this wasn't the first time he's shown his charming behavior either.  OP, you deserve better.  I've been in that situation, although I was married.  The only thing I regret about divorcing him when I was eight months pregnant was that it took me so long.  He was texting other women, rumors were constantly flying about him blatantly asking people out even though he was married and I even saw proof of him booking various hotels.  It was all staring me in the face and, in the end, I finally found the strength to leave.  But I only wish I would have faced reality a little sooner, the first time I KNEW something was going on.

 

all of this 

 

all of this x 3

monpetitechouchou01

I too am a to be first time mom and now I'm single. Not how I saw my life going at all. However, I like you chose to give him the benefit of the doubt and trust him over my instinct. TRUST YOUR INSTINCT! Its ringing a bell in your head for a reason. In your case its completely clear. He up and left and thats all the proof you need. A man that needed a breather goes to a bar with HIS FRIENDS (not an ex) for an evening comes back home to you and your belly and you talk after its over. I agree with Achase... I don't regret leaving my ex but I Do regret not doing it sooner.

 Going through a pregnancy alone is sad and lonely. I understand exactly how you feel and force myself to push aside those sad feelings when they creep in. I especially feel worse when I'm feeling sick and don't have that partner to be next to me. Now that my belly is finally starting to show I find myself having to explain why I don't have a wedding ring on my finger. People will ask and it makes me feel worse each time but I smile anyway.  This baby doesn't deserve to be part of this situation so we have to strive to get through this. If you need a buddy throughout the remaining portion of your pregnancy feel free to pm me!! Best of luck!

dufferoo

I agree with what everyone else has said. This board is awesome! I also just wanted to add that although it is hard and lonely to be single and pregnant, and single with a baby, etc. there really is a payoff at the end! You will have the best closest bond with your child you can imagine. You will never have to compromise in how you raise the baby. You will never have to waste your energy on your man instead of saving it for the baby. Do what's best for you and your babyin the long-term.