how easy would it be for X to get 50 percent custody???

starbundle

How do I start getting to the place of "he deserves time with his kids and I should be happy he wants to spend it with them"?

We settled our divorce case a month ago and part of the agreement is he gets a 30 percent timeshare. We have not had an amicable parting in any way. He hasn't paid any child support since he left a year ago, he's been verbally abusive, while we had our temp order in place he had an option to get more time (overnights) and he never stepped up (all the while claiming he missed his kids and just wanted to be a parent), he's acted like a giant tool for so long...it's hard to try to move past it. 

I'm trying hard to find it in me to come to a good place for the kids. Deep down I want them to have a relationship with him, but while we were leaving court he said to me "in 1 year I will petition for 50/50 custody, I will have built up a years worth of consistency and this 30 percent will become 50".  

I'm really apprehensive about this...I know he's their father but they are babies still (18 months). Everyone keeps saying yeah right he's a flake and he'll screw up what time he has with them now. but he live with his parents, I don't see why he wouldn't just pick them up, drop em off, and go out and do what he needs to do and still have it look like he's taking care of them. UGH! 

Any advice? I know I can't fight battles in the future but I can prepare for them. And any advice on how to start giving the giant tool the benefit of the doubt, and really starting to come to the place where I feel good about the time he spends with them? I want to be the person you see on tv with the great co-parenting skills...but I think I have more of the "these are MY kids" attitude (especially since I've been taking care of them for the past year with no help from him).  Right now it feels like I'm still fighting for custody, especially with this treat of taking me to court for 50 percent. 

sweetie0228

A calendar is your best friend.

On visitation days write in the date and time and if he showed up for visitation. Write down every time he missed visitation or dropped the kids off early.

There all kinds of custody.

Does he was the 50% legal custody meaning he wants to be notified of medical/religious/education decisions or to flaunt in your face that he 50% of something?

50% residential or physical custody doesn't work in many real life situations.  School districts like that stuff nailed down before you enroll the kids. And he probably doesn't actually want 50% of the work to raise the child.

Remember he doesn't know the law, probably doesn't have a lawyer at this point and things change.  He has a lot of actual work to do you like show up and file a motion and pay the fees to do that.

Chill enjoy life and your child.

CFjo2010

Every State is different, every Judge is different and every situation is different. You said the LO's are 18 months old? So in a year they won't be quite 3 yet, right? It's been my experience as a paralegal that a Judge will find the age of 3 to be too young for a 50/50 split.  Children that age need frequent interaction with each parent because they're still developing trust and relationships.

A lot of it also depends on how close you and BF live to each other. will it be feasible for the children to get to daycare/school/activities from both households? A Judge is also going to take both parents' work schedules into consideration. Does BF's work schedule accommodate a 50/50, or will the kids be in daycare during his time? Are you home during the day while he's at work? What I'm getting at is that there are a lot of factors that are taken into consideration, so try not to worry about any of it now. 

More than likely BF is just bitter and grumpy and trying to control/hurt you. I would bet my shoe collection (which is a TON) that in a year none of this 50/50 nonsense comes to fruition.   

starbundle

Thank you guys. I entered into the 30 percent on good faith, but the parting threat of taking them for 50 got me really anxious. 

Tifanico, he was asking for sole custody, then dropped it to 50, and then finally agreed to 30. 

I spoke with my Atty and he agrees that he would need a change in circumstance to modify the current order.

I wish the jackhole would just not bother, i know that's hateful and my kids deserve a relationship with their dad, but he acts like a vengeful child, I'm not sure they'd get anything beneficial from him. I'm pretty sure he's going to pick em up and drop em off at home with his mom and dad, and then go out and do his own thing.  

Note to self: next time don't have kids with a loser. it makes them so much harder to get rid of.  

FyreFlyeRush

starbundle:

Thank you guys. I entered into the 30 percent on good faith, but the parting threat of taking them for 50 got me really anxious. 

Tifanico, he was asking for sole custody, then dropped it to 50, and then finally agreed to 30. 

I spoke with my Atty and he agrees that he would need a change in circumstance to modify the current order.

I wish the jackhole would just not bother, i know that's hateful and my kids deserve a relationship with their dad, but he acts like a vengeful child, I'm not sure they'd get anything beneficial from him. I'm pretty sure he's going to pick em up and drop em off at home with his mom and dad, and then go out and do his own thing.  

Note to self: next time don't have kids with a loser. it makes them so much harder to get rid of.  

It's been my experience the losers are easy to get rid of. Sadly, they're the ones who don't pay child support or come around. It's the controlling, clingy ones that don't go away...they're also the ones who do things like threaten to sue for custody. Go ahead, let me know how that works for you.

My situation is different. I've never been married, and I refused to live with my now ex. He would have to prove I'm selling crack on the side of the road out of a stolen car, while leaving the baby sitting in his stroller with knives and then he MIGHT have a chance at getting them to examine my parenting skills.

starbundle

FyreFlyeRush:

starbundle:

Thank you guys. I entered into the 30 percent on good faith, but the parting threat of taking them for 50 got me really anxious. 

Tifanico, he was asking for sole custody, then dropped it to 50, and then finally agreed to 30. 

I spoke with my Atty and he agrees that he would need a change in circumstance to modify the current order.

I wish the jackhole would just not bother, i know that's hateful and my kids deserve a relationship with their dad, but he acts like a vengeful child, I'm not sure they'd get anything beneficial from him. I'm pretty sure he's going to pick em up and drop em off at home with his mom and dad, and then go out and do his own thing.  

Note to self: next time don't have kids with a loser. it makes them so much harder to get rid of.  

It's the controlling, clingy ones that don't go away...they're also the ones who do things like threaten to sue for custody.

This is him exactly. Pretty much made my life miserable while married because I could do NOTHING right. every thought I had was wrong and if I tried to argue my point, I was selfish and controlling and didn't want to compromise. After meeting him, my attorney pretty much said "well, we're going to be in it for the long haul...this guy is going to continue to fight you on everything".  

I'm trying to learn how to not be scared of his every threat. I've realized that he likes to threaten me to get me to do things his way, and now that I'm not under his thumb through marriage, I think he's going to try to manipulate me using the kids. It was easier to placate him by giving in and now I have to unlearn that behavior. It's so crazy how other people can mess you up. 

FyreFlye, youre lucky to have never married your ex.