I just need to vent my ex is really pissing me off

intdesigner925

Im absolutely annoyed with my ex, better yet disappointed. I gave birth Dec. 28 but my actual due date was today, anyhow since my daughter has been born he saw her twice at the hospital (one of the days was only because he had to sign her birth certificate)and 3 times  (on Wednesdays) since she has been home. In my opinion that is not enough he gets two days off a week and ontop of that he has days where he is off early and what does he do instead of coming to see her? Goes to play poker or is with the new girlfriend!!!!!! Im even more annoyed because I just found out the new girlfriend has a kid and is a single parent, so your playing house with someone else when you hardly spend time with your own kid??? Really? And this is the same guy who said our daughter would come first etc. clearly dude was blowing smoke up my butt!

Now originally I said I wasnt going to go through the whole child support thing and I was going to give him a chance to prove himself on his own, well he has gone and mucked that up! The first week she was home he didnt call and ask if she needed anything, I had to call him so at first he agreed to buy her the stuff. So then the day he was coming to visit (Jan.4th) he calls from the store and basically yells and curses at me talking about why does he have to pay for formula when I have WIC and it should be free blah blah blah. Are you serious right now? She was home all that time and I didnt ask for anything and the one time I ask you for some formula you complain??? First off they were contacted once I had her but no one called me back and ontop of that it wasnt like they were going to instantly give the formula. Also she got put on Isomil soy milk and I was trying to explain to him that they only have particular formulas that are on their list and hers may not be one of them. He wasnt trying to get the point so he continued to go off and I hung up. Frankly speaking I dont give a rats ass what WIC gives ME, what does that have to do with you????!!!!

Recently his mom and sis came down with him to visit,his sis and I gets into a conversation about how quick she goes through diapers and formula. After that she said she would buy her some stuff she needs to help which im greatful for, but what got me was the fact that her brother sat there, heard our conversation, and didnt offer to buy a damn thing. Now why is it that your her father but your sister is more concerned about things she needs than you? After that incident and the previous one I made up my mind im going to be getting child support because clearly he isnt all that interested in helping. He came yesterday to visit Brook and brought diapers and formula (SHOCKING!) and at first I was like maybe he is coming around but then I realized his mom contributed part of it. He probably only bought some stuff so that he wouldnt look bad but either way I made up my mind im going to file.

I was with this guy for 9 years and never in my life did I think i'd have to go this route with him because he is always been the responsible good guy type but since November when we broke up his true colors have been showing and I should have know then that he was going to act like a jackass after he kept missing appointments or leaving early from them saying he had "stuff to do", which is totally not like him! His own sister disapproves of his behavior everything from our breakup to how he hasnt been pulling his weight with Brooklyn. But we both agreed B is an adult and no one can make him do anything. Its like everyone around notices his faults but he isnt noticing them. I dont know what fantasy world he is living in right now but he needs to snap back to reality quick! Thanks for letting me vent.

sweetie0228

I get you're angry. And probably a little post partum hormonal and overwhelmed.

1. CS is a right for the child to be supported by the TWO people who created her.  Not a revenge or punishment.

2.  WIC maybe waiting till you FILE FOR CS b/c many social services require the Non custodial parent be legally required to contribute to the expenses the child creats.

3.  You can only force him through the courts to be a finanically responsible parent not an emotionally supportive loving involved parent.  He wants to walk away his choice.

4.  Start building your support network now b/c you cannot count on him and if he does come around bonus if not you are prepared to raise this child by yourself.

turtle1120

Yes, file for CS.  It's money for your child that she's entitled to.

As far as him not spending more time with your DD, you can't force him to.  If he chooses to miss out on her life, that's on him.  You be the best mom you can be.  You need to be the stable one who's there for her no matter what.  Don't worry about what he's not doing.

PrettyInPearls23

Per usual, Sweetie said it best.

 

I will add that you need to start working on not letting your X's behaviors (or lack thereof) affect you in such a strong way. You cannot control him -- you can only control how you react to the situation. You need to adapt the mentality that every visitation he misses out on is his loss. You're in for a long and exhausting 18 years if you keep sweating every.little.thing your X says or does. This includes your feelings about his new relationship and "playing house" with her.

intdesigner925

PrettyInPearls23:

Per usual, Sweetie said it best.

 

I will add that you need to start working on not letting your X's behaviors (or lack thereof) affect you in such a strong way. You cannot control him -- you can only control how you react to the situation. You need to adapt the mentality that every visitation he misses out on is his loss. You're in for a long and exhausting 18 years if you keep sweating every.little.thing your X says or does. This includes your feelings about his new relationship and "playing house" with her.

 

I agree and im trying to get to a point where I dont care but its easier said than done, like I said I was with him 9 years and we broke up in November when I was 8 months preggo he was mucking up then and he is mucking up now. I guess im just frustrated.

PrettyInPearls23

intdesigner925:

PrettyInPearls23:

Per usual, Sweetie said it best.

 

I will add that you need to start working on not letting your X's behaviors (or lack thereof) affect you in such a strong way. You cannot control him -- you can only control how you react to the situation. You need to adapt the mentality that every visitation he misses out on is his loss. You're in for a long and exhausting 18 years if you keep sweating every.little.thing your X says or does. This includes your feelings about his new relationship and "playing house" with her.

Absolutely it's easier said than done -- I completely agree with that. You're trying to raise a newborn, adjust to being a single parent and getting over your break-up with your X. That's no easy task. Just try to keep your focus on that little girl of yours and continuously remind yourself that only you can determine your happiness...nobody else.

intdesigner925

sweetie0228:

I get you're angry. And probably a little post partum hormonal and overwhelmed.

1. CS is a right for the child to be supported by the TWO people who created her.  Not a revenge or punishment.

2.  WIC maybe waiting till you FILE FOR CS b/c many social services require the Non custodial parent be legally required to contribute to the expenses the child creats.

3.  You can only force him through the courts to be a finanically responsible parent not an emotionally supportive loving involved parent.  He wants to walk away his choice.

4.  Start building your support network now b/c you cannot count on him and if he does come around bonus if not you are prepared to raise this child by yourself.

Let me make myself clear, me filing is not for punishment nor revenge, this is not the route I wanted to go maybe im naive but I actually believed he was going to do what he had to do but so far he has not and Im not waiting any longer. Im just seeing signs that he isnt going do whats right on his own therefore I need to think ahead and do whats best for her.

As for being a parent, I havent said anything to him about not visiting much if he so chooses to miss out then oh well his loss not mines or hers. She has plenty around that love her, including members of his family. I just want him to to wake up but I realize I cannot control his actions.

intdesigner925

PrettyInPearls23:

intdesigner925:

PrettyInPearls23:

Per usual, Sweetie said it best.

 

I will add that you need to start working on not letting your X's behaviors (or lack thereof) affect you in such a strong way. You cannot control him -- you can only control how you react to the situation. You need to adapt the mentality that every visitation he misses out on is his loss. You're in for a long and exhausting 18 years if you keep sweating every.little.thing your X says or does. This includes your feelings about his new relationship and "playing house" with her.

Absolutely it's easier said than done -- I completely agree with that. You're trying to raise a newborn, adjust to being a single parent and getting over your break-up with your X. That's no easy task. Just try to keep your focus on that little girl of yours and continuously remind yourself that only you can determine your happiness...nobody else.

Your right about that :-) I know it will get easier