How to explain preemie risks to family?

kyethra

How to explain risks and issues of preemies to family?  DHs family doesn't have issues with preemies and we are wondering how to best explain the worry about having one, especially now that it looks like ours will be a preemie do to pre-e.  I've listed off the various long term risks and cautions and mentioned there were many issues in the short term and they just tell me not to worry myself.  Then when DH tells them the baby will likely have to stay in the hospital a week or two because they won't be ready to come home from being too early they seem surprised.  How do we explain that we aren't just worried based on unlikely statistics but that preemies have very real issues many times and that these significantly impact them as babies?  I feel like they think that "oh things will probably be ok" and I just don't know how to explain that things are not always ok.

Bookwormyone

I linked a few March of Dimes articles to my mother in law.  I had my daughter at 33w5d due to pre-e and she was in the NICU for 8 days. 

It's hard for some people to understand if they have never been around a preemie or anyone with a preemie.  Really all you can do is tell them exactly what you said here- there are real things to be concerned about.

Hopefully you stay pregnant longer, but once your baby is here it's easy to blame everything on the doctors/nurses.  "Oh, LO isn't allowed in large groups right now.  The pedi doesn't want her exposed to too many people.  Her immune system can't handle it because she was premature." 

It's much easier to deal with when you are just following the Dr's orders.  Easier, not easy though.  My MIL is still a total PITA with the preemie stuff.    Good luck! 

kck329

I don't know your story so forgive me if this is off-base.

Honestly, I don't think there is a lot you can do. Especially since you haven't had the baby yet and don't know for sure what the realities will be. At 35+ weeks, situations vary widely. Some LOs come home right away and others have NICU stays. My guess is his family will adjust if and when your baby is born and they see what the situation is. My other piece of advice is to adopt the phrase "the doctor says..." and use it to your advantage. People tend to listen better when its an official doctor's opinion. 

momamatthews

kck329:

I don't know your story so forgive me if this is off-base.

Honestly, I don't think there is a lot you can do. Especially since you haven't had the baby yet and don't know for sure what the realities will be. At 35+ weeks, situations vary widely. Some LOs come home right away and others have NICU stays. My guess is his family will adjust if and when your baby is born and they see what the situation is. My other piece of advice is to adopt the phrase "the doctor says..." and use it to your advantage. People tend to listen better when its an official doctor's opinion. 

I agree.  I had the same situation with my in-laws.  You have enough to worry about right now without worrying about them understanding everything.  If they are involved they will figure it out.  If they aren't, it won't matter.  What matters the most is that you are prepared and so is your husband.  Best of luck to you!  It sounds like you may be about to enter a tough situation.

GatorNurse

I have no real suggestions, but wanted to say that I feel your pain. Even my DH told me he had "dismissed" my worries about pre-eclampsia, NICU, etc., until it was our reality and he was freaking out too. He apologized profusely for not REALLY taking me seriously - esp considering I'm a nurse, lol.

I'm lucky that my family is full of nurses so everyone was pretty familiar with what it meant to have a preemie. I'd follow the suggestions of the PP, "the doctors/nurses/neos/pedis say...." should work!

ChickensFive

kck329:

I don't know your story so forgive me if this is off-base.

Honestly, I don't think there is a lot you can do. Especially since you haven't had the baby yet and don't know for sure what the realities will be. At 35+ weeks, situations vary widely. Some LOs come home right away and others have NICU stays. My guess is his family will adjust if and when your baby is born and they see what the situation is. My other piece of advice is to adopt the phrase "the doctor says..." and use it to your advantage. People tend to listen better when its an official doctor's opinion. 

All of this.

I guess, I wonder why you don't just let them think what they want. Because I had triplets I knew I was going to have them early and knew they would probably be staying in the NICU so I was a little more prepared than most (though you can not ever be prepared for the NICU). I told the family and a few of them said everything would be fine and I would probably make to 35 weeks (the gestation my Dr would not let me go past). I usually juat responded with an 'I hope so' and left it at that. Like Kck said, you are already 35 weeks in 6 days you would be considered fullterm by some Drs. Not that there are not some risks associated with being born at 35 weeks but I would worry less about what my in laws thought and put that energy towards getting ready for the baby. What your in laws think should not even be on your radar.

kyethra

This is true-- but we have now started the induction process and I just don't want to use any energy to explain things after the baby comes-- and I suspect they will have questions then.  I guess I was hoping there was a good way to just explain it all now so that I can spend less energy on that late and more energy dealing with the baby.  Probably just my being frustrated with the situation.

adrielegorburu

I agree with PP - there really isnt much you can do. Most of your family will have their own opinions until you give birth. Hopefully you have a short or no NICU stay at all - at your GA you really cannot know. I didnt know ahead of time and DD was a micro so I didnt ever have to explain anything - they came and took one look at her in the NICU and just KNEW - some of my family is now more cautious about DD then we are. I'm sure you are right and its just your frustration that is making you worry about these things - concentrate on your LO now - worry about everything else later. GL

ChickensFive

kyethra:

This is true-- but we have now started the induction process and I just don't want to use any energy to explain things after the baby comes-- and I suspect they will have questions then.  I guess I was hoping there was a good way to just explain it all now so that I can spend less energy on that late and more energy dealing with the baby.  Probably just my being frustrated with the situation.

I hope all goes/went well with the induction. Like a pp mention send them the march of dimes website. thise who want to read it will. i certainly hope that most your friends/family don't hound you question and understand you have more important things to deal with.....like a new baby. i have also learned that some people just don't get it. my girls were born 13 weeks early, my niece was born just under 2 weeks 'early'. I don't think my fil sees the difference....to him they were all born early.