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LGBT Parenting
PCP/TTC/ATP Wednesday
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Re: PCP/TTC/ATP Wednesday
IUI #3 gave us the best 2nd anniv. gift ever: 2 babies! (born 03/09/10)
Peanut and Little Man are getting so big! 2 years old already!
finally blogging again at This Will Be: An Adventure
Blogs: Our Growing Family - CT Working Moms
ATP - Things are good. Jelly Bean has clearly learned the word "no" and loves using it. It isn't a word we use often so I have hope (lol!) that the phase will pass.
QOTD - K is a yeller and I'm a crier. Lovely match, right? We've actually become so much better about our fighting/spats/etc. We know each others' triggers and really do our best to avoid getting to that point. The one thing I absolutely hate about K's fighting is that she can just turn it off and stop the conversation anytime she wants. That drives me BSC. I want to talk it all out (or cry it out).
We don't really fight around JB. Not out of cautiousness or anything but it hasn't happened. We've cussed for sure and K has raised her voiced/yelled but we haven't had an all out fight....at least that I can recall.
No news on the babies, just how I like it. We have talked seriously this week about me being a SAHM once we move - we're both open to it, depending on who gets a job first, but we both think that will be Jen. So I have been sorting through my feelings about that. I would be excited and happy to do it, but I also know it would be very challenging - and I'm not sure how I would do it without letting myself become a total hermit, or how long I would be able to do it without risking some significant damage to my career/prospects. I did look at some daycare options in the area we're moving to in case we decide that we both need to or want to work, and it seems like there are a lot of good choices - but I'm not practiced at evaluating them, and I don't even know really what we should look for or what we would prioritize based on our own kids/needs/goals. Lots of things to mull over.
Jen used to refuse to discuss any disagreement until she'd had several hours or days to "think about" what she wanted to say to me. I found this very frustrating, and told her that I wasn't interested in a perfectly plotted out discussion - I wanted to know her true feelings so we could solve the problem based on that, not what she thought she should say or thought would be most effective or whatever. Fortunately she came around on that, so things get much less dragged out now. Mostly we resolve things by talking about why XYZ is important to us, and trying to figure out a way to compromise that preserves some small part of the most important thing for each person. It doesn't always work, and then it's a standoff until someone caves (varies between us - not one person caving all the time). I have a tendency to want to say mean, shi++y things that I don't really mean when we're fighting, so I have learned to remove myself if I feel things going that way, b/c I inevitably feel terrible afterward and she deserves better. Fortunately that hasn't happened in a long time.
I don't have a position on disagreeing in front of kids, since they are still hanging in the ute, but I feel like it's inevitable. I do hope that we'll be able to postpone any in-depth discussions/disagreements until we are alone.
ATP: Life is pretty status quo. I alternate about worrying about Carter (he cannot.sit.still and really doesn't like the academics of school) and thinking he is a typical 5y old boy. At the parent/teacher conference in November, the teacher didn't seem overly concerned and said he was middle of the road for reading and while acknowledged his squirminess, said while she might put him low on the threshold for ADD, but would never suggest medication for him (nor we would do it at this point in the game.) He pays attention, but is on his head, spinning around, and laying down while doing so. We have another P/T conference next month. We'll see where we are then. I also need to find a speech therapist for him for articulation.
Fighting. sigh. We don't tend to fight too much (because I think a lot of stuff gets swept under the rug)...but when we do, it is monumental. It seems like it happens about once a year. And yes, we are guilty of doing it while the kids are around (but really, when are they not around?) I hate that we do - and that they are now old enough to understand/talk about it. Makes me feel like $hit.
ATP: Another "pretty status quo" house. I can relate to a lot of what 2brides said about Carter. I've definitely had to adjust my thinking and teach myself that just because a child isnt sitting perfectly still doesnt mean they arent listening/learning. DW is still struggling with that though. I keep wondering when Daisy is going to start talking more (ie: at all)...its so hard for me not to compare her to where RB was at the same age.
QOTD: We both have relatively similar styles of arguing. We definitley do not sweep anything under the rug (i'm probably too blunt/honest with her) and both have strong opinions on things so that means we bicker/argue fairly often. Well, more often than I'd like anyway. But we get over things quickly. It used to drive DW crazy how I'd be super upset about something one minute, but perfectly fine and ready to move on the next. She used to need more time to recoup (or hold a grudge!) but over the years has come more towards my style of "get everything out, then move on." Neither of us are big yellers, but it has happened.
As for fighting in front of the kids, I'm not sure how I feel about it. On the one hand, its not my nature to tuck it away and address it later. If i'm pissed about something, I tell her then and there. But, I grew up with my parents fighting/arguing/bickering constantly in front of us and it seriously scarred me. It was horrible and I vowed never to fight in front of my children. Of course now that I'm a parent I realize that's easier said than done and has its own faults. I spoke with a therapist about it once and it was her opinion that its healthy for children to see parents disagree as long as the disagreement remains respectful and has a conclusion. She felt it was important for kids to learn that marriages (and all relationships) arent just sunshine and roses and to learn how to fight with someone in a respectful way. So that's what we strive for...but its kinda complicated since the only thing DW and I ever fight about is the kids. ::sigh:: its a work in progress I guess.
Blogs: Our Growing Family - CT Working Moms
ATP: for some reason my baby has been waking the last few nights. I couldn't figure it out, but this morning I saw some drainage in one of his ears, so I'm guessing it was some discomfort there affecting him. other than that he's been awesome. I don't think I have anything really new to report on that front--although he did say "I did it!" last night, which I think is the first real full sentence he's said.
TTC: we're back in the game. I started my cycle on Friday, started injections on Sunday, and go in tomorrow morning for my bloodwork and U/S to check things out.
QOTD: we try not to fight in front of him, but unfortunately it happens sometimes. I get loud and cry, she shuts down and doesn't talk about anything until she explodes. luckily it doesn't happen that often, I hate fighting.
QOTD: I think C and I will have 2 different answers. When I get angry...I get angry! I yell at first, but then turn around and walk away because I know I am capable of saying things that can hurt feelings (i.e. I play dirty sometimes). At that point I care not to talk any further...C hates this. We have argued in front of the Kiddos and always promise not to do it again, but then it happens.
C gets what I call "mean" mad. When I stop talking she gets irate. She tries her best to get me to talk...which makes her even more mad.
We only argued on rare occasions before the Kiddos, but we find ourselves having spats now. I attribute this to stress and differing ways we handle the Kiddos. Plus, we both differ on what we need from each other.
Don't get me wrong, I am still cheesy...I have never been more loved nor have I ever loved more.
PCP/TTC- I do not really know where we are standing in the whole trying to become mommies world but we are coming to some BIG decisions as of late. Since our decision to take a school break and our concerns about our fertility of said break we started considering alternate ways to become a parent. So we have decided when we are both on break this summer we are going to continue our plan of our academic pursuits and TTC hold but start looking into foster parenting/adoption. Originally we thought private adoption would not be financially feasible but we added up what it would cost us to TTC for one year and it made adoption possible. So we are in pre becoming parents planning at the moment. We always knew we wanted to adopt an older sibling group after having a baby but now we are thinking of just heading there first and skipping the pregnancy part. So we are exploring our options!!!
QOTD- DW and I do not really fight. We have been together 8+ years and have only ever had three big fights and those just involved A LOT of tears on both of our parts. Do we bicker...absolutely!!! Overall though we will both usually get a little sensitive with each other once a month. She gets AF when I ovulate. When she gets AF she goes into what I call D!CK mode and I am am hyper sensitive that time of month...so it is usually the night of "Why are you being mean?" LOL
lol! I do this too. And I know it makes K angrier but I get so p!ssed that she has the ability to just walk away and stop the conversation at that point. I would NEVER get away with that. If just said I didn't want to talk further, it would never go over.
J found out yesterday that our insurance is going to add fertility to the plan we are on, I'm not sure how to feel about that. I've already mourned the loss of any future pregnancies (to expensive out of pocket) but now that insurance will cover at least some of it we might consider trying in the future.
Owl and Apple's mom has a hearing in February to determine if reunification services will be offered to her (or if they will proceed to TPR), we are on pins and needles. We updated our homestudy today and made sure it was noted that we definitely want to adopt the girls if TPR happens.
Things are going well with A and Iz, they have been getting along really well lately and both have been improving their behavior.
QOTD: J and I are horrible fighters, we yell, I say mean things, one of us shuts down, the other won't shut up. We try not to fight in front of the kids but it happens sometimes, usually when it's about the kids.
Two Mommies Healing Hearts
PCP: Still on hold for (resuming) ttc. News as of yesterday may mean we won't start until fall.
QOTD: We have very different argument styles and it's always been an issue in our relationship. We've sought counseling for it off and on and I can honestly say that it's much better now than it used to be. I am a wan to talk it out right person, who also gets over things quickly and moves on. She's a shut down and process it all (or just hold a grudge), which drives me crazy. I used to push her buttons until she would re-engage, usually more upset than before, and it would escalate. Once I got to the root of the reason for that, I was able to leave her alone more, and we're both more able to articulate our needs, even in the midst of an argument. It's not easy, and we defintely lapse back into the old behaviors, but we're working on it (and it's less frequent now).
I assume we will disagree in front of our children and I don't know that I would be able (or willing) to only have behind closed doors arguments, but I hope they remain respectful. I think C's "cooling off/mulling it over" period is actually helpful in that way.
TTC: IUI #4 this morning! I'd thought my HSG results were going send us straight to the RE and force us to take another month off, but once I finally talked to the RE, she said that she did not think my tube is blocked after all. She encouraged us to go ahead and do another IUI with the midwives to take advantage of the possible fertility boost of the HSG. My OPKs turned positive a few days earlier than expected and now I am already, less than 12 hours later, totally anxious to know if it worked! I swear I am getting LESS patient as we get further along in the process. I think it's going to be a very slow 2ww.
The silver lining of my irregular HSG result is that even though the RE's "gut says it's not a blockage," she thinks she can use the fact that the dye did not do what it should to give me an infertility diagnosis that will make my insurance pay for fertility treatments. So if this one doesn't work, we're switching to the RE completely for all future cycles.
9 IUIs = 9 BFNs
IVF October 2012: 22 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 5 frozen
ET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Blighted ovum discovered at 7w5d; D&E
FET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Missed m/c discovered at 9w5d; D&E
Karyotyping: normal ~ RPL Testing: normal ~ Hysteroscopy: normal
FET #2: 1 blast transferred 10/25; BFP 10/31!
EDD 7/13/14 ~ Induced at 37w4d due to pre-eclampsia ~ Born on 6/28/14
*Everyone welcome*
Noah is an absolute love. We are still having sleeping issues but now that I know it is normal, I am just going with it. I think the thn g that caused the biggest concern for me was my month board. Everyone seems to have a 12 hour sleeper... It was nice to get some real feedback from this group. I think the biggest struggle right now is that noah is showing a slight preference towards. Logically it make sense, I breastfeed, I stay home, and I put him to bed at night but sometimes something happens and my heart breaks for k. Last night he couldnt stay asleep for anything. I went back up twice an the third time (which is always the worst sine he is usually really awake) k said she would try. Well.... He screamed. No not screamed, he shrieked. Like crazy. Until I got up there. She handed him to me and he stopped immediately. She looked like she was going to cry
QOTD: we don't fight. We've been in 2 fights, ever. It just isn't out style. When we first got together we had a hard time understanding each other when there was an issue. She would clam up and I would haunt her until she opened up. Eventually we found a middle ground and now we talk everything out. We both come from families who fought. Bad. And she learned to shut down and not give anyone anything to yell about and I learned how to talk. I drove her nuts in the beginning but now she realizes I will never yell and would never intentionally hurt her so whatever is amiss is due to a misunderstanding and now we talk and get over our problem in a matter if moments. It is one of the strongest factors in our relationship.
TTC--wouldn't you know, a not-yet three month old, and yes, we are discussing the next long-term/hopefully permanent placement. Looks like we may be buying a second crib in a few months. We are going to make a decision in June (when L is off school)
ATP-obviously, we're loving being parents. Past three months have been some of the best of my life.
Yet, so so scared that he could leave
He's sleeping better, eating well. But, boy has he been spitting up more! I'm not ready to add rice to his formula (what dr recommended) so we are going to wait another day or so and hope it goes away when his cold leaves.