Bed sharing isn't bad right?

Nessia

The ex feels strongly that DS should sleep in his own bed. I don't care that DS still sleeps with me. I have a king size so space isn't an issues. Don't have to worry about sexy time with a DH. So really it's not bad or haing harming him in any way right?  I want to respect the ex's opinion on the kids but we just don't agree on this one so can I just tell him to deal with it? I think he just doesn't want DS beings mommas boy and for me to stop babying him. I agree I do baby him a little and am trying to adjust that but I just dont see the harm in bed sharing right now. 

bobcatsteph

We still bed share. I would do what I felt was right and let him do what he wants when he has your DS.

ACR

I'm not a bed sharer, but I'd say keep with it. With the changes in his life now, your ds could probably use the comfort. After my parents separated, I definitely spent some nights in a parent's bed. 

Mrs.Froggianna

Playing devil's advocate here...do you think it's causing problems when he stays with his dad? I.E.--dad doesn't have a big enough bed, wants to have sexy time with his partner, etc. At his age is he old enough to understand that things work one way at Mom's place and another at Dad's? I don't know what the compromise is here, but I thought i'd throw out some legit reasons why the ex may want him in his own bed other than the momma's boy thing.

mcurban

Mrs.Froggianna:

Playing devil's advocate here...do you think it's causing problems when he stays with his dad? I.E.--dad doesn't have a big enough bed, wants to have sexy time with his partner, etc. At his age is he old enough to understand that things work one way at Mom's place and another at Dad's? I don't know what the compromise is here, but I thought i'd throw out some legit reasons why the ex may want him in his own bed other than the momma's boy thing.

That's what I was thinking. 

When we go to VA, Jack (who's just a bit older than N) likes to sleep w/ either my mom or dad. They don't mind, I don't mind. It works b/c then he's not sleeping in a strange house in a foreign bed alone. BUT, every.single.time we come back, there are a few nights of transition getting him back to sleep in his own bed.

I have zero problems w/ bed sharing, but I can see how if N is going back and forth, it might be confusing and make bedtime harder at the other house.

 

carlinlp

It was just Ty and I for years and we bed shared for a long time.  Now, he could sleep on his own in his own bed if he needed to, but rarely did.  He's totally normal and well adjusted

Nessia

First, sorry about the typos and errors, I'm on my phone. 

 

Ex was living with his parents up until recently. It was easy for the kids because it wasn't a new place for them.  It was also a very consistent schedule  DS would sleep with Grandma and grandpa. Ex recently moved in with his GF and DS has stayed their 1x for 2 nights and DS slept with DD and was fine. Now sleeping at Daddy's isn't going to be on a regular schedule because of distance and work but I think it was great that DS did well his first time over there.  I *think* he understands that when he's at Daddy's he sleeps with sister. 

ali-1411

Nessia:

First, sorry about the typos and errors, I'm on my phone. 

 

Ex was living with his parents up until recently. It was easy for the kids because it wasn't a new place for them.  It was also a very consistent schedule  DS would sleep with Grandma and grandpa. Ex recently moved in with his GF and DS has stayed their 1x for 2 nights and DS slept with DD and was fine. Now sleeping at Daddy's isn't going to be on a regular schedule because of distance and work but I think it was great that DS did well his first time over there.  I *think* he understands that when he's at Daddy's he sleeps with sister. 

The kid has had a lot of changes lately, I think its somewhat normal (expected?) that he wants to sleep with either you or DD.  But I would make some efforts to get him in his own bed.  DD might not always want little brother sleeping with her.  And someday you will meet someone, what happens then?

It was just Jakob and I until he was about 4 or so, when we moved in with DH.  He would go through phases of sleeping with me but they only lasted a few nights before he was back in his bed.  This went on until he was about 6 or 7.  I never had a problem with it since it was always a short-lived phase.  

Taytee

If possible, he needs his own space and bed apart from his sisters at both homes. He will get to an age and identity (Elementary School) where it will not be easy for him if his friends find out he sleeps with his sister. Not from a sexual perspective at all mind you, just that other kids will think that's weird. And he needs to have a bed available to him to know it's even an option. If he only has your bed, he isn't choosing, it's just all he knows.

But I agree, it's not absolutely needed to change things right this second but for consistancy sake, if he's expected to sleep without a parent at his dad's house, he may be more comfortable learning to sleep alone while at your house. He probably thinks it's pretty neat he gets to share a bed with his cool older sister! It eases the transition by allowing him to still wake up next to someone familiar.

I'm not against co-sleeping but eventually we all have to learn to sleep alone.

ec3under4

I am not against bedsharing either but I think for consistency sake, it might be better to transition him to his own bed.

Plus, the time will come where you might want someone else(ahem, an adult) sleeping in your bed with you and it seems that now might be an easier time than waiting until there is someone else, kwim?