I need to vent

la79al

DD1 is driving me absolutely crazy. She does not listen to me, ever. She does what she wants, when she wants.  It seems to be getting worse.  Last night, she pulled 70% of the toys out in the playroom and was playing tea party with DD2.  I told her it was time to clean up.  She completely ignored me and kept talking to DD2.  I told her again that she needed to clean up so she could eat dinner.  She just sat there messing with her plastic food.  Finally I pulled her off her bench and screamed at her. Long story short, she ended up picking up a few things, ate dinner and was supposed to go straight to bed (it was bedtime).  She ended up standing on the steps screaming and crying for an hour before she finally went upstairs and laid down.  Today, it was really really nice out so I decided to take the kids for a walk.  I had the double stroller for DD2 and the 9 month old I babysit.  DD1 was on her scooter.  I mentioned to her that maybe we could walk to the grocery store since we were out of cat food.  We got about 1/3 of the way there but the baby would not stop fussing.  I explained to DD1 that it wasn't going to work, the baby would start crying, we were just going home.  She refused to move. So here we are, several blocks from home, with a double stroller, a by now crying baby, a 3 year old refusing to move and a brand new Tinkerbell scooter.  I tried walking away, thinking she would follow me.  She didn't.  I tried threatening, making deals, nothing worked.  I ended up picking her up and half dragged her for about 1 block, then told her she needed to walk.  I held her hand with her screaming and trying to pull away.  We finally got home and I put her on the steps where she screamed and cried for about 10 minutes.  Then I brought her outside with us and had her sit for a few minutes without playing.  Bedtime tonight was more of the same.  Her not listening at all and then taking 1.5 hours to actually go to bed after I sent her to bed.  I even reminded her that if she did a good job going to bed we would go to the pet store tomorrow.  In the past, I have given her stars for getting ready for bed and going to bed but then the next morning she gets up super super early to see what her reward is.  Please someone just tell me that when she turns 4, I will get my happy, easy girl back. 

zoe_cat

I'm sorry!  I don't have any advice, only commiseration.  My DD has been so disagreeable and difficult lately, and it only seems to be getting worse as she gets closer to turning 4...

Good luck, hope this phase is short lived! 

Spenjamins

Stop screaming and behaving in an antagonistic, volatile and inappropriate manner yourself if you expect your child to behave properly.

Spenjamins

smeame14:

Spenjamins:

Stop screaming and behaving in an antagonistic, volatile and inappropriate manner yourself if you expect your child to behave properly.

So you have never yelled at our LO's???? 

Nope.

sju

Hang in there is all I can say. That age was very, very difficult for us. DS is a whole new kid since he turned 4.

shellybird101

Every child is different, so I can not tell you that your child will change and when they will.  My DD sounds just like yours.  I hope by the age of 5 she really grows out of this.  I know that the only thing that works with my DD is doing the same thing every time.  I try to remind child what I expect, then a warning, then a punishment.  It seems like she just can calm down quicker if she know what is going to happen.  GL with your DD!

alibee09

Spenjamins:

smeame14:

Spenjamins:

Stop screaming and behaving in an antagonistic, volatile and inappropriate manner yourself if you expect your child to behave properly.

So you have never yelled at our LO's???? 

Nope.

Wow, holding other moms to unrealistic expectations and ignoring differences in personalities and parenting ideals is certainly a way to win friends and influence people.

Judging other parents who are attempting to do the best for their families makes you less impressive than you'd be otherwise, having never yelled at your children. I'd take a mom who has infrequent outbursts over one teaching her children that superiority complexes and unfair judgement of others is healthy.

Suern9870

Spenjamins:

Stop screaming and behaving in an antagonistic, volatile and inappropriate manner yourself if you expect your child to behave properly.

Huh?  I must have missed something.  I didn't get that from her post at all.... 

 to OP:  I've had days like that with my DD, also. I don't have any words of advice except they do grow out of it.  Sounds like you're handling it just fine. Hang in there... 

mavs_girl07

Spenjamins:

Stop screaming and behaving in an antagonistic, volatile and inappropriate manner yourself if you expect your child to behave properly.

Ok, mother of the year, please tell me where she behaved in an antagonistic, volatile and inappropriate manner.  Was it the best idea to scream at her LO?  No, but she obviously knows that.  I'll admit I've yelled at DD before.  This is such a frustrating age, and I'm human- I make mistakes.  But to describe the OP as antagonistic, volatile and inappropriate?  Seriously?  Come down off that high horse.

OP- Just stay as consistent as possible.  I've heard from everyone I know that age 3 is a nightmare, so hang in there.  Something that usually works with DD is to give her lots of choices.  Also if we're about to transition to something else and I know she's thoroughly involved in a toy or activity, I give her lots of warnings.  "Dinner in 10 minutes....Dinner in 5 minutes...Dinner in 3 minutes, start cleaning up....Dinner in 1 minute...."  Good luck!

KKMMex

Three is a rough age. It does get better as they move towards age 4 and gets much much better when they turn 5.

I understand the screaming - it can be super frustrating at the end of a long day taking care of several little ones. I have been there and it's no fun, especially when discipline turns into a battle of wills. Have you tried Super Nanny's time out method when you're at home? When DD2 was at the height of her 3's behavior, it did work for us. You have to be mentally prepared to keep putting her back in the naughty spot over and over though, especially in the beginning.

To the previous poster who never screams, must be nice to sit at the foot of the cross. 

ecoppins

mavs_girl07:

OP- Just stay as consistent as possible.  I've heard from everyone I know that age 3 is a nightmare, so hang in there.  Something that usually works with DD is to give her lots of choices.  Also if we're about to transition to something else and I know she's thoroughly involved in a toy or activity, I give her lots of warnings.  "Dinner in 10 minutes....Dinner in 5 minutes...Dinner in 3 minutes, start cleaning up....Dinner in 1 minute...."  Good luck!

This, and we do things together. While dd1 is perfectly capable of dressing herself or cleaning up her toys, she typically doesn't alone. I try not to get frustrated with her, which at this age is tough. So I "help" her. For getting dressed, I will be in her room dressing dd2 and asking dd1 which drawer her jammies go in, or what she is going to wear. I make it small talk like, but what I am doing is prompting her with what she is supposed to be doing. Things like "Oh, are you going to put on your ruffle skirt or the dress mimi gave you?"

With cleaning up, I also give the choices "Which are you going to clean up first?", or "help" clean up or make it a race or a game.  In addition to the 5 minute warning I also create immediate gratification rewards. My warnings are more of a count down ish, "5 minutes more to play, then clean up and then dinner!"

"1 minute and then clean up." "Clean up time, which clean up song should we sing?" "Oh, you are doing a great job, if you put x and y away you can pick out the napkins!"

It may be that a reward in the morning is just too long for her. My daughter would never go get in bed by herself, unless something good was going to happen immediately. Of course, I have always read her stories and sung to her. So if I wanted to send her to bed alone, it would be under unusual circumstances. "Mommy has to make a phone call, but I'll be in to read to you and tuck you in shortly. Will you please go get under your covers and wait for me? Why don't you pick out 4 stories tonight for being such a patient girl!"