Weaning vs. Extended BF (long)

SandiaPinaMama

LO is coming up on 10 months.  We've been doing BLW, and it's going okay. He doesn't get a lot down the hatch, but he's really improving quickly.  I don't worry about how much he eats because I'm still BFing on demand.  Right now, that is about 6x/day. I can't imagine though at in two months he could be proficient enough to not need to nurse.

At work (2-3 days/week), I have to pump.  I'm really burned out on pumping.  I keep telling myself that I have to pump until one year.  Two more months.  But then what? 

Also, I hope to get KU sometime this summer.  I know that I can BF through pregnancy, but I worry that it will hurt, and that then I will feel like rushing through weaning, and any way I go, I want it to be gradual.  (I've already had my period, so I'm not so worried about TTC).  Oh, and I think I would like to have a little bit of time of my body to myself.

I know some people IRL who EBF, but they kept going and going and going.  They nursed until their kids were like 4.  That does not sound appealing to me.  My sister weaned at a year really gently using the "don't-offer-don't-refuse" process.  No tears, no fuss, very gentle, etc, and she had many reasons for doing that.  However, I'm also not sure that I'm ready to give up nursing.  I had a LOT of issues with nursing, and I worked very hard at it, and I feel almost panicky thinking about not nursing now that things have simplified (finally!), and I can just nurse. 

I looked up on Kellymom (this website and my LC are the only reasons I was able to BF at all), and basically the message was, you are selfish if you do mother-led weaning.

Sorry for the ramble.  Can you guys share some of your stories or resources?  My brain and heart all feel like they are going to explode, and I would feel better if I generally had a plan.

TiffanyBerry

I've been doing don't-offer-don't-refuse since not too long after a year. And she still nurses 5+ times a day.  Every kid is different. I think you'll find it easier to wean when you are ready to than when youre just worried about what is coming up. Maybe you won't have any trouble with nursing during pregnancy, maybe you'll take a while to get pregnant, maybe changes to your milk will encourage LO to self-wean... There are so many possibilities. If you're still very uncertain, wait a bit, until you feel the time is right.

Qmommy

As you know it's a personal choice.  I got KU when DD1 was 9 months and am still BFing her.  Yes, it started to hurt when I got KU again but it's not unbearable pain (at least for me) and you get used to it.  My supply tanked around 19 weeks when DD1 was 13 months.  

Many babies self wean when mom get's KU again because the milk can change flavors.  I thought DD1 would self wean when my supply tanked - didn't happen.  Then I thought she would wean when my milk changed to colostrum - didn't happen.  I'm still happily nursing her 2 times a day.

Tandem nursing isn't all that difficult but if you don't want to do that, don't feel bad about weaning your toddler.  I got DD1 down to 3/4 sessions a day by giving her a snack when she requested BFing.  A week ago tomorrow I dropped her nap time nursing session by telling her she can BF after she takes a bath (part of our bedtime routine).  If she is persistent abt nursing I'll nurse but I try offering snacks / WCM / smoothies first.

If you plan on BFing while pregnant I highly recommend reading Adventures in Tandem Nursing.  It covers BFing while pregnant extensively.   

LizB214

At a year, I stopped pumping at work and gave DS cows milk during the day. He continued to nurse 3-5 times per 24 hour period for another 14 months. We weaned gently when he was about 26 months and I was 16 weeks pregnant. I started with "don't offer, don't refuse" then limited where and when he could nurse, night weaned, then once he was down to one session a day I began to say no. It was a slow enough process that it wasn't too stressful for either of us. He still asks to nurse once in a while, and insists he must "hold you boobies" on a daily basis. But I knew that I wasn't up for tandem nursing.

BlindysWife

First, I think selfish is a pretty harsh word for wanting to wean. You've given your child an awesome gift for a whole year, and that's something to be proud of. So, I disagree with that for sure.

If you're ready to quit pumping at a year, I'd say you're probably okay to do so. Since your LO can have wcm when you're away, hopefully that would just take the place of the breast milk.

For me, I decided that at a year I'd start weaning, and I have. We've cut back from about 5-6 times a day and off and on through the night, to 2-3 times a day and no nighttime feedings. Some of them were fairly easy to drop- at 10/11 mo, L started being more interested in playing during the afternoon and couldn't be bothered to nurse. He literally wouldn't latch on. Others were more of a challenge- nighttime nursing, for example. I'm probably going to drop his morning feed next because he is less attached to that than his nap and bedtime feedings.

If you're worried that he hasnt started eating enough calories to replace nursing, then maybe one feeding at a time is the way to go. Whatever you decide, you've done a good job so don't feel badly about it!

FancyFrenchie

I pumped until just past 1 year (here in Mexico you don't start giving WCM right away at 1 year). I wasn't ready to wean at 1 year, but also didn't want to nurse so often and tried to the don't-offer-don't-refuse approach to start weaning, but if I was around he wanted to nurse 5+ times a day, including a long (off-on) nursing session before bed and many times a night. But after a few more months, I started to want to wean a bit more.

We kept up with this, because I felt it was the only way to get him to sleep okay and that worked for us (co-sleeping and nursing). I have unsolved health issues that I believe I cannot solve until I quite BFing, because we have done all sorts of tests, and we tried night-weaning and it didn't go so well; I tried having my DH take over some to try to see if I wan't around, if he could go without and he could. I wanted to wean by November, but that didn't work; We also started to TTC in November, but I have yet to have a period since before getting pregnant.

In December, I went away for the first time overnight and he was fine, but went right back to nursing. However, he started sleeping better, only waking up 1-3 times a night (down from 5-8) For the holidays we travelled and he nursed a lot on the planes/during the travel.

When we got back, we bought him a toddler bed (Cars, which he loves) and started having him sleep there, but we would still nurse to sleep and if he woke up in the middle night, nurse back to sleep. Finally, I decided that it was time and this past weekend we nursed for the last time. I feel guilty knowing he'd have nursed longer, but I needed to do it for my sanity and my health. The first day he cried 10 mins and some nights he still asks for it, but overall he's been doing pretty well. I tell him that no matter what, I'm still always there for him and he'll always get all the hugs and kisses that he wants.

Harper'smom

At first I continued nursing DD past age 1 because of her dairy allergy. I wasn't comfortable with milk substitutes at that age. This meant that I kept pumping for another year at work, by choice, but would not have if I could have given WCM during the day. But then the relationshiop evolved and we both really enjoyed toddler nursing and went until 28 mos. We were both about 98% ready at that point and were down to one session. I don't regret one second I spent nursing or pumping but that doesn't mean everyone should go past 12, 15, 18mos etc. It was right for us and if I had felt differently I would have stopped ealier.

SnoopyLuv

I nurse about 2-3 times a day now. I do don't offer don't refuse (unless we're in the middle of the grocery store ) I don't really have a weaning plan in place, but I want to be done before next winter.Getting through this cold and flu season was of utmost importance to me. I really enjoy our nursing relationship now, way better than any time previously. I like that I have a lot of freedom in that I can leave her overnight and not need to pump and she's not dependent on me for food, but we still have a special bond and I can give her BM.

So I guess I'm saying it's not all or nothing, you can give up the pump and still keep nursing.

 

danienross

I wanted to add that just because you're period is back does not mean you're cycle is good to get pregnant.  My cycle came back when DD was 7mos and I immediately started charting for BC.  The first few cycles were annovulatory and then my LP was only 7 days.  DD still nurses at least 6 times so I'm sure that has something to do with it.  We're TTC now.  My LP has extended to 9 days on its own.  For us, we're not ready to wean yet.  If that means missing our TTC window this year (DH is deploying this fall so it's a short window) then so be it.

SandiaPinaMama

danienross:

I wanted to add that just because you're period is back does not mean you're cycle is good to get pregnant.  My cycle came back when DD was 7mos and I immediately started charting for BC.  The first few cycles were annovulatory and then my LP was only 7 days.  DD still nurses at least 6 times so I'm sure that has something to do with it.  We're TTC now.  My LP has extended to 9 days on its own.  For us, we're not ready to wean yet.  If that means missing our TTC window this year (DH is deploying this fall so it's a short window) then so be it.

 

Thanks for the head's-up!  I hadn't really thought about that.  I have started charting, though, so I guess I'm doing all that I can.  

DarcyLongfellow

This may not be what you want to hear, but my advice is to just not stress about it.  Two months seems so soon, but it's really a long time (1/5 of your baby's whole life so far!).  Just see how it goes.  You may feel differently than you think you will.

I'm still nursing my daughter, who is about to turn 2 and a half.  I never, ever thought I'd nurse past 12 months.  I was a little weirded out at the idea of extended nursing, but my DD couldn't handle cow's milk until about 18 months, so I really felt like she needed me to keep nursing.  I'd say she still nursed pretty frequently (at least 4-5 times a day) until at least 18 months - she needed to because she didn't really eat a whole lot of real food. 

By age two she was only nursing before nap and bed, plus in the middle of the night on the rare occasions she woke up during the night.  Now she's just nursing before bed and nap, and I'll probably try to force her to wean at some point.

If you want to stop pumping (and I don't think anyone would question why you'd feel that way!!), I would.  If you're not ready to wean, then let your little one nurse when the two of you are together -- do "don't offer, don't refuse."  I think if your kid is away from you while you're working during the day, he may be more likely to self wean since he's going down for naps without nursing.

Do NOT feel guilty if you want to wean him at 12 months.  Your needs are just as important as his -- if you want to have your body to yourself for a few months before you TTC, don't feel bad about that.  Nursing a kid for 12 months is an amazing accomplishment :-)

RunningGal900

My DS is a little younger than yours so we have been considering the same thing. I too would like to TTC this summer and I feel the same way about wanting my body back for at least a short time. I'm also feeling conflicted about what to do. I will say though that if I do decide to wean at 12 months, I do not feel that is selfish. I have given him the best thing I could for an entire year and have worked very hard to ensure he's never had formula. I'm not sure I will be ready at a year, but if I'm ready before he is, I won't feel bad about it. I will say that I am in the process of night weaning and it is going really well. If I can get some sleep and not be up nursing 4 times a night, I think our nursing relationship will last much longer bc I will have a break at night. Good luck and whatever you decide you're a great mom who gave her LO a wonderful gift.

mam885

I stopped pumping at work at about 10.5 months (ugh I couldn't quit pumping soon enough!) and I'm still nursing at 18 months.  I just cut out the morning session a month ago.  I still nurse her at lunch on days I'm home with her if she asks.  Also, I was lucky enough to be able to go home for lunch up until a few weeks ago.

So, anyway, you can probably go ahead and stop pumping, or at least go down to only doing it at lunch.  I remember being really worried as I approached the one year mark as to what I was going to do.  I wasn't ready to quit, so I didn't.  And it's not do much pressure now.  I'd like to totally wean in the next 6 months, but 6 months is a long time so no rush!  And try not to rush yourself, either!