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Stay at Home Moms
does EVERYONE cheat?!
In the past month I have heard of so many people cheating. Friends, friends of friends, former coworkers, etc. These are married people with kids, married people without kids, an engaged couple... some of them are in ongoing affairs and others are one-time things (drank too much at the holiday party) some are young and kind of floozy, but others are successful professionals who seem to have their ish together... it all seriously disgusts me. I feel like it's just something people do. Does everyone cheat?
I remember being in 10th grade and a somewhat cute kid that I was somewhat friendly with asked me to be his GF. I said yes because he was really nice, but never really felt "that way" about him. I thought my feelings would change but quickly realized I shouldn't have said yes. I was working out a way to break it off without being mean. We were probably together for about a week when I got hit on by an older guy that I had a crush on for literally years. He tried to kiss me and I pulled away and told him I had a BF. A BF I didn't really like, planned on dumping, but still... a BF. If I didn't "cheat" then, I will never cheat!
And if my H ever cheated on me, I wouldn't forgive it. We'd get divorced. Period.
He feels the same, and that's why I married him.
What's your take on cheating?
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Re: does EVERYONE cheat?!
I've never cheated. Most of my friends have never cheated.
I think if you hear that one person cheated, it stands out in your mind more than the 50 people who aren't cheating.
I do have one former friend that cheated on her DH all the time. It was disgusting and the end of our friendship. I don't hang out with whore-ish people.
I honestly think it depends on the situation. I certainly don't think cheating is a good thing, but sometimes I get why it happens. For some couples it's an impossible thing to overcome, but for others (including DH and me) it's actually something that eventually strengthens the couple. Sometimes you love the person dearly, but there are issues and something happens that leads you astray, and that "detour" makes you realize what's important and gets your asss back on the right path. Obviously I would not recommend adultery in lieu of counseling or a good heart-to-heart, but I know DH and I would not be what we are today if he hadn't cheated on me way back in our relationship (we were not married at the time).
That being said, if he cheated on me now, I'd probably cut his balls off. Not because of the cheating per se, but because we've been through too much for him to not discuss with me any issues we're having and/or feelings he has toward someone else early enough to stop anything from happening.
Mes Petit Choux
I can't go back to yesterday - because I was a different person then. ~ Alice
I haven't ever, nor do I ever plan to (haha, duh!). My best friend cheated on her boyfriend (who she knew wanted to marry her) with her ex. She told me about it and said she didn't want to tell him because she thought he'd break up with her. I felt weird about knowing that when I knew her boyfriend too (though not very well) and I tried to get her to tell him. Eventually she did, and he forgave her. Now they are getting married!
If my husband ever cheated on me, I wouldn't divorce him. That said, I've never been in that situation and saying I'd stay is much easier than actually doing it if that ever happened.
DH and I have had lengthy conversations about cheating. He knows that it's a deal breaker as far as I'm concerned. I could probably (eventually) forgive the act itself, but I don't think that I would ever be able to truly trust him again. Fortunately, we both feel that we didn't get married to look elsewhere and he and I both take our vows very seriously.
Plus, DH has said (jokingly) that he knows that my dad and brothers would cut his nuts off and throw him in a river wearing cement shoes.
I would never cheat on DH and I don't think he would on me, he is just not that kind. I knew a lot of "cheaters" where I use to live, but most of them weren't married. I think I only know of one couple that is married and cheated (they cheat on each other and have a really strained marriage) . Now where I live all my friends are married and I don't know of anyone here who has cheated.
I would not divorce DH over it. I just do not believe in divorce.
I would never cheat on DH. Even when we were going through a rough period in our marriage (and separated) the thought never even crossed my mind - I respect him too much.
If he cheated on me would I automatically divorce him? I don't think DH would ever cheat on me, but since we have a child, I can't say what I would do until I was in that situation.
I don't consider your 10th grade experience cheating. IMO if you're not engaged or married (and engaged can be a gray area), you're somewhat fair game.
Married is a whole other story. If I knew that a man was gay, a priest, or married, it's like a switch turned off and there was no way I'd ever be even remotely interested in him. And DH and I are very loyal people. I don't ever imagine us cheating on the other.
When I was 15, my mom made a grand pronouncement to my dad. She said if he ever left her for another woman, they wouldn't have to fight over the kids. Because he'd be dead and she'd be in jail for killing him. Pretty much shows how she felt about it.
Would we get divorced if it happened? No idea. There would be so many variables at play (getting a job, dealing with the kids, the house, etc.) that I don't think it would be that easy. And it would depend on level of remorse, willingness to go to counseling, etc.
Cheating is horrible. It is a total deal breaker for me. My ex-husband decided that he wanted to be single on certain weekends and cheated on me a number of times. We were highschool sweethearts married young but, that is NOT an excuse for ignorance. We were together a total of 10 years married 2.5. I totally caught him red handed and I think a piece of me died that day. He now is remarried and I heard through the grape-vine he cheated on his current wife which he has 2 young children. So sad but true, once a cheater always a cheater. I hate him for what he did to me but, I believe you have to forgive to move on. I will never forget. It took a LONG time before I could trust and even think of entering another relations ship. My current husband is a gift from God and I love him with all I have. He put up with a lot in the beginning with all my insecurities and I am greatful he never gave up on me.
Bottom line is cheating= divorce. Sorry, I went on and on but, this hits close to home and I hate cheaters.
I think you may have misread my 10th grade story... I didn't cheat or think it was cheating.
And I like your mom! I've said the same thing haha
My bff seperated from her DH about 2 years ago . She told me my DH was the only man out of every.single.man who is in our circle who did not proposition her. Sadly, a lot of these couples seemed very happy. Quite a few asked her to participate in 3 ways with their wives lol! These are church going normal people.
She has sent me quite a few texts, or facebook messages from some of the men (and women) and man, people are crazy! I think research says like 50% of women do and 60% of men. So truthfully in most couples at least one has cheated.
I am not going to lie. I have come close. DH and I were working opposite schedules for a few years. A coworker and I got too close. One night after work he told me he arranged a night for us in a hotel and we could finally be together. Thankfully I didn't go and resigned the next day. This man wooed me like my DH used to. It was exciting and the chemistry was awesome. But my vows meant more to me.
Oh and forgot to add another realy good friend just admitted her DH and I her like to pay "professionals" to participate in their love life lol! They seem very happy, have no kids so I don't judge them but still think ew lol!
Maybe it's a regional thing, but I used to *think* I didn't know any cheaters either. I think a lot of you would be surprised to know the truth about your friends and acquaintances. These people don't usually advertise or brag- cheating is a secretive thing. I feel like the more I know, the less I like people (not specific people for cheating... but "people" in general, human nature, whatever.)
I'd venture to say it's more than 50-60%.
Cheating is one of the most disrespectful things a person can do, abuse being the other. I would never stay with a man who cheated on me and I would never cheat. It is an absolute deal breaker for me and my husband. I would not want my daughter growing up and thinking that it's ok for a man to treat you that way and that you should stay. No way.
ETA- I know a bunch of men who have cheated and a couple of women. About half have stayed together and the other half gotten divorced. I can tell you which ones are the happiest...but I think you know.
I felt the same way at my old job, that it seemed like EVERYONE the office was sleeping with each other. People who I never would have guessed in a million years that they would cheat. Professional people, really nice people. I mean, sure some were skeezy and I wasn't surprised, but a lot of them were a shock to me. I seriously wondered if my husband and I were the only people on the planet that don't go elsewhere to gratify ourselves. I'm glad to be out of that corporate mess and can pretend like there aren't so many sleazy people in the world.
I just want to give you a world as beautiful as you are to me.