I've been feeling especially appreciative of DH lately (he let Cammie "beat him up" for 15 min yesterday just b/c she was cracking up with it). Plus I love a clicky poll.
For all his selective hearing issues, he's overall a pretty awesome DH. He does all the kitchen cleaning, the floors, the laundry (including the cloth diapers), and runs all our errands on the weekend so I can get time with Cam. He feeds her, gets up with her, and loves to rock her to sleep. He always offers to put her in his carrier (yes, he has his own) when we are walking around, and has probably changed more diapers than I have (I will never tell him this- EVER).
Overall I have to give him one little step below the Father of the Year award- (he's supposed to pick her up at 4:30 from daycare- I think he's made it by 4:30 twice. ever.)
Now that 6 months have passed, how are you feeling about DH's skills?
Re: What kind of DH/SO do you have? CLICKY
my income does not really support us since I only work two short days a week. He does. He works his a$$ off to do it and works crazy long hours. He gets home at about 11 or later every night so he's rarely here. Some weeks he gets two days off, sometimes only one day (the day I work).
He does all the yard stuff and takes out the trash (he also cleans up after himself) but really on his days off aside from the yard stuff we try to use that time as quality family time. I did come home from work yesterday to him scrubbing the tile and vacuuming though but mostly I do all the house stuff. We share in caring for Finley on his days off and he cares for her when I go to work on Tuesdays but when he works it is 100% me because she is asleep by the time he gets home.
He is pretty great but of course I do get a little bitter at times because it's mostly all me at home but I really do have to stop and think that he isnt just chilling at work either, he is busting his butt for our family and for me to be able to be home with F and to have all the stuff we have.
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I voted SS because he generally falls in between "Does what has to be done, no more" and "pretty good overall", though sometimes I seriously feel like it'd be easier to be a single parent!
The main "problem" I have is that no matter how many times I tell him, he refuses to acknowledge everything I *we* have to do on a daily basis. He's washed bottles once, ever, and that was because I had to work until 9:30 that night. He always says he'll clean up after dinner since I cook dinner, but his idea of this is taking the dishes to the counter next to the sink. Doesn't even rinse them off. The only time he puts dishes IN the sink is pots and pans. Sometimes soaks them.
I don't think he knows how much formula to use in a bottle- if I wasn't so anal about keeping the formula sorter full he wouldn't know what to do! I guess I make that part too easy on him.
The reason I sometimes think it'd be easier to be a single parent is because I pick up after myself and wouldn't have to "raise" my 29-year-old DH.
That being said - he is an AMAZING father. He's great with Ty (even if he somehow always hands him off to me when he needs a diaper change!) and is an awesome provider for our family. He's not too overbearing, but I swear that sometimes he's more careful and gentle with Ty than I am. I'm sure I make things too easy on him and that's why he feels like he can get away with the crap he pulls around the house, but honestly, to me it's just easier than conflict.
Plus, I had a complete breakdown the day before NYE because Ty wouldn't go to sleep no matter what we did, and I was SOOOO over his growth spurt he was going through. DH wasn't helping at all, but he was busy so I get it. He finally finished what he was working on at midnight and completely took over. I hadn't had a breakdown like that in MONTHS and it scared him I think. Ever since he's been much better at recognizing when I'm at a breaking point and helping out with Ty more.
(Wow, I kinda vented here a bit, didn't I?! Oops! At least it was cathartic!)
Can we do a husband swap for a week? Lol. I have to practically beg my DH to change diapers. Don't get me wrong. He works hard, but in the evenings he gets to relax most of the time while I continue to take care of DD.
hahaha-- he takes it as a male pride thing and makes a point to do it when anyone is around- b/c of course they always comment "he does diapers? what a great guy!" He's also endlessly convinced she's upset b/c she's wet.
I could care less WHY he does them, but he definitely does a LOT
The only reason I don't give him father of the year is that I feel like I'm by default in charge of everything baby related, and he does stuff if I ask him to, but sometimes I'd like him to just do stuff. But then I'd probably follow him around and make sure he did it "right", so I'm sure this works fine. He's by default in charge of pretty much everything else around the house so it equals out, too. I don't even think I know where we keep paper towels, they just appear on the roll every so often.
Edit: you have reminded me, when we were on Christmas vacation, I had to change all diapers on the plane, and TWO of them were poopy, and most of the planes had no changing table. I resolved at the time that he would make it up to me by changing several of the next poopy diapers and I have not made him do it. This will happen.
I have had this nightmare too!
It took a breakdown from me the day before NYE for DH to start coming around to just how much I had on my plate without his help.
I voted 'Father of the Year'. He just took a new job and turned down twice what his raise would have been at his current job. Uck. That makes me sick to even think about.
He will wash diapers and dishes. He offers to spray out every poopy diaper when he's here. Actually he doesn't offer - he just does it (amazing). He loves playing with Caleb and bathtime and rocking him to sleep. I may have to tell him what needs to be done, but he doesn't have any problem doing it.
Now if I could just convince him that he doesn't need 75 t-shirts (he can only wear business casual to his job) so that I don't have to pack them.....
Must require breakdowns to snap DHs back into line! Before Thanksgiving I had a breakdown about his Masters courses... The way he had them set up he would wrap one up on Tuesday and the next day he started a new one... So he literally wasn't getting any breaks. He's a big time perfectionist, so he spent all his time working on homework, so I felt like I was doing everything on my own because all his time at home was spent studying. Drove me crazy. I finally had a breakdown and told him how I felt, now he takes breaks between his classes....at least he is with this next one... We'll see if he keeps it up.
Exactly this even down to working 2 days a week and him home with her then. He works really hard so I can primarily SAH. I'd love more help around the house but it's a trade off.
I think a lot of it is because they know we do it all. If we were really gone I think they would step it up.
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DH is awesome with DS. He is so happy to see DS after work and pretty much takes over baby duties. On top of going to work, he occasionally cooks, cleans the bathroom (!!) and does all the household laundry. He is a little OCD about keeping a tidy house so he cleans up after himself and sometimes me too!
No one else will ever know the strength of my LOVE for you. After all, you're the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside
Married to the Milk Man
I agree with this. I've had that thought too, but in the end I know that if I died DS would be taken care of. He might not make all his baby food homemade or keep the house as clean as I like it, but DS would be fed, warm and loved.
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BFP #2: 9/29/12; EDD 6/8/2013; m/c 10/5/2012
BFP#3: 1/29/13; EDD 10/5/2013 - Baby Claire arrived 10/6/2013
Yeah, I know he'd end up being ok, but the beginning would be a bit rough. I'm rereading some of the other responses and it got me thinking... DH is AMAZING with Ty, but I still do most of the parenting. He's only given one bath - and that was the first one when I insisted he help because I was terrified. He's never fed him solids. He did watch me through the camera the very first time, but other than that - nothing! I know he'd figure it out, and while of course I hope it never comes to that, I just wish that he'd already know how to do this stuff if it ever came to that.
My dad was a "father of the year" type, so the bar is set really high for DH. I think he is great, supportive of my EP/complaining about EP, takes over when I get overwhelmed putting LO to bed no problem, is great playing with LO, is great changing diapers and making bottles when we supplement. He really loves being a dad.
That said, I wish he would take over baby duty sometimes without me having to ask him for help. I also wish he take it upon himself to pack a bag for LO when we go out...if I didn't do it myself every time it wouldn't happen. We'd have no diapers, no toys, no bottles, nothing! Why doesn't he think of the diaper bag?? lol I'm not great with remember all the little details so I really wish he was that kind of person or at least try to be sometimes!
BFP #2: 7/23/14 - MC: 8/28/14
BFP #3: 2/22/15 - MC: 3/3/15
BFP #4: 5/20/15 - Stick baby stick!!!
He went out of town for a couple of days this weekend. Before he leather cleaned up the house because he knows how much it stresses me when it gets messy. I had zero motivation to clean that day, and he didn't care one bit that I just hung out with A while he cleaned up.
So I suppose he gets husband and father of the year. For the most part we are pretty equal partners and I love that we are like that.