Cesearean =less conx with child?

Pacbrz

Are there any other new moms out there who can relate?...My daughter doesn't look anything like me, and I love her, but feel I have a disconnection with her. I hate that I'm even admitting this, but I am just reaching out to other women who just may have the same or similar feelings.

Maybe this has to do with having had a cesearean? I just don't know, but hope the connection changes for the better. Everybody says "Oh, she's beautiful". Looks just like her daddy.I just don't have this overwhelming weepy love feeling

RA1109

It doesn't have anything to do with a c-section, but it's not uncommon for mothers to feel that way.  Having a newborn is hard, but it does get better.  I'm not a newborn person at all.  I love my newborn but didn't really enjoy being a mom till my first became a little person at about 10 months old.  It's a lot of give and not a lot of take until then.  You're not the only one!

loveheaven

Oh sweetie!  It's okay!  I would mention it to your OB or a regular doctor- just to make sure you don't have postpartum depression (it's perfectly normal).  As for you not feeling connected/thinking she looks like her daddy- my daughter looked nothing like me for the first few months- by the time she hit 5 months, she was the spitting image of me as a child (and truly, there are photos of her now, at 14 months, where friends and relatives can't tell if it's her or me if I put pictures side by side).  

It gets better- the more time you spend with her, the more you will fall in love- I agree with pp that being a mom becomes MUCH more fun when your little one starts being more interactive.  You're going to be okay! 

EveryNameIWantIsTaken

Felt that way with my son.  I loved him instantly, but he was so difficult that it took me a while to really enjoy the whole mom thing.  DD and I have had a connection since the very first moment.

PhysChic7685

When my DD was born (and for the first 18 or so months of her life) everyone talked about how much she looked like her dad.  As her features have grown in a bit more, people (myself included) have started seeing more of me in her too.

magdalina.h

It's normal regardless of the way the baby came out.

byrne15

I don't think it has anything to do with the section.  However, I did feel the same way.  It took me a while to feel connected...I'd even say it was about 5 months. 

I started back to school 2 weeks after he was born and didn't even mind I was away for 9 hours.  It was several months later where I founf myself missing him and wanting to be with him.

Now, he is 4 years old and he is the single most important thing in my world.

skio

RA1109:

It doesn't have anything to do with a c-section, but it's not uncommon for mothers to feel that way.  Having a newborn is hard, but it does get better.  I'm not a newborn person at all.  I love my newborn but didn't really enjoy being a mom till my first became a little person at about 10 months old.  It's a lot of give and not a lot of take until then.  You're not the only one!

Great advice and explanation.

My DD looks nothing like me, either. I love her to pieces, but I still feel a little sting every time someone says, "Oh, she's like her Daddy's twin!" or something of the like.

What you're feeling is normal, and if you continue to feel it and start to withdraw from your baby and/or other family members, talk to your OB right away. PPD is common and normal, and there is help. The feelings of disconnect with your daughter most likely don't have anything to do with the c/s, but having a c/s itself can lead to feelings of discontent and/or failure, which is also very, very normal. Your feelings may be piling up and it's very common to feel totally overwhelmed and fragile in the first few months. Keep lines of communication open and talk to whomever makes you feel better. Lots of luck!

RumbleLina

I had a GA c/s so I wasn't even awake when my son was born which caused a huge disconnection feeling with me. I cried when I held him not because I was so happy but because I was looking down at this baby thinking "this could be anyone's child".  I never had that overwhelming weepy love feeling ever.

I struggled with it a TON in the beginning because I felt ashamed but now it is doesn't matter anymore. The beginning didn't affect the fact that I now that "love is oozing out of me I can't even stand it" feeling.

If you find yourself seriously struggling, tallk to your OB about the possibilities of PPD.  

It will get better as time goes on and your LO grows, promise.

 

ETA: I agree with all the other PPs about it not being c/s related though. My mother who had all vaginal births went through the same thing with my brother and I. It can be a normal thing to go through as motherhood, especially early motherhood, is very emotionally and physically exhausting.

babyrichsmama

I kind of went through the same thing but I'm not sure what it was from. Part of it for me was feeling let down that I didn't get to experience the kind of birth for my child that I had planned. I hadn't even considered I'd end up with a c-section. Plus I hated not getting to hold her and stuff right after...I felt left out.

Mrs_MBed

I don't think its related to the c-section, but rather just normal new-mommy feelings.  I have friends who felt the same after their vaginal deliveries.  I felt the same way after I had DD1.  It was more like I just happened to be taking care of a baby, rather than she was *mine*.  She also looked just like daddy, which didn't help either.  We didn't have that instant-love-bond.  It took awhile for it to happen. 

I agree with talking to some one about possibly having post-partum depression.  I had it after each of my girls and was grateful for the help I received.  

GL

daenikoffre

hugs, mama.

& ditto to all of what PPs said 

Pacbrz

Thank you all SO MUCH for taking the time to write. It means a lot & I really needed the support and feedback. So, I was wondering...For those of you who had PPD what sort of treatment, if any, made you better? I may have a mild case of it, but my OB was awful, so I can't go back to her.

canthardlywait426

I loved my son from the second I saw him. I would've given my life for him at that very moment. However, I did not have a "bond" or connection with him until he was at least 3 months old due to my ppd. Go see your OB. Let him/her know how you are feeling. It's completely normal and nothing to be ashamed to admit. Getting on medication helped me tremendously. Good luck hun.

cottonlily84

Seriously, this is me verbatim.  I JUST told DH this earlier today, no joke.  I do think it has to do with a c/s.  I had these really happy thoughts about my labor and delivery and how hard but wonderful it was going to be.  I would dream at night about the dr laying my baby on my belly and being overjoyed.  Instead I got a shocking early c/s, a blue sheet in my face and my dr dangling my daughter up for me to see before she was taken away.  My spinal didn't work right and they started giving me other stuff.  My BP dropped and they gave me something for that.  I was so out of it, shaking, in pain, felt like I was going to pass out, I only remember bits and pieces.  And I had prepared for a natural drug free delivery.  I had the baby blues for weeks which made the distance worse and still to this day I have disconnected feelings.  It's kind of like a degree of adoption.  I don't feel I birthed her, she was given to me.  I remember thinking "that one is mine?" when he held her up.  And since she was in the NICU we literally had to pass tests and meet requirements just to get to take her home.  I never went into labor so I didn't even have those hormones going.  Just surgery, pain and anxiety; the total opposite of what I had been expecting.  I love her to death and being a mother is way more enjoyable than I imagined but still have to really stop and think that she came from me.