Always the Designated Driver

Gabsar

Since becoming pregnant my DH just assumes I have become his Designated Driver for all drinking events, and my Friends don't understand why I am not interested in attending said events. A little background on my group of friends we are partiers, we are older Late 20's early early 30's, there are parents with kids in the group but they always find time to go out to these events. And it feels to me there are ALOT of events, so far we have had:

~ The Annual Pub Crawl (which I attened from 4p to 2:30a and was the DD for a group of friends and my DH)

~Our Annual Halloween party ( I also attended and was the DD)

~All the Xmas Parties and what not (also the DD)

~New Year's Eve ( I actually stayed home for this one but went out at 3a to go pick up my DH and my Cousin, he lives next door to us)

and now their are 3 more events in the next 3 weekends and my husband and my friends are giving me a hard time because I just don't want to go. One is s35 min from my house and the other is an hour from my house. Its not fun to be the only sober one of a group of 50 people. Now they are not alcoholics before anyone goes to Judge, we are responsible adults, their is always a DD and no one gets overly wasted. I guess I just feel lonley if I don't go, but bored out of mind if I do go I am stuck in a dilema and I have 5 more months until I'm out and even then I don't think we will get to attend all these events all the time!!

allisonmarie22

Your husband should be supportive of your inability to drink and at least make an effort to stay sober sometimes just so you don't have to be the only sober person in a room full of drunks...which is NO fun at all.

My husband made a commitment to quit drinking when I did, and he hasn't had a drink since. I'm not suggesting everyone should do that, and I've told him it's not necessary, but it's his choice.

Still free to be me

If you are tired of being the DD, and don't want to sit around at home by yourself, maybe try suggesting other types of outings...Host a shindig at your house-game night or movie night or something...Maybe invite all of your pals to do other types of things, like go to a show or mini golfing or bowling or something...Try to find activities that are interesting and fun but don't center around drinking...

 Also, if you are in a group of 50, aren't there a few other DDs?  Hang out with them...

OO cupcakes OO

I think it's unfair to just assume you'll be the DD.  Some of our friend's had that reaction when we finally announced our pregnancy and I was like 1) I don't like driving (especially in winter) and 2) I don't plan on going out much.  

I don't know why everyone thinks just bc you can't drink you should be so willingly and excited to tote everyone else's drunk behinds around.  It's not fun dealing with drunk people when you're sober- you end up playing mommy.

amy5162

You and your DH need to plan other events and invite your friends to them.  Go to dinner, etc.  Every single event doesn't have to be a booze fest to have fun...they should understand and if they are your true friends they should want to hang out with you no matter what the event.

HollyBee013

Im at 29 weeks, and it just kicked in with my husband why I stopped going to events.  We are the same as you guys, late 20s, early 30s, some with kids, some not, but my husband thinks that because he has a DD, he can just get completely s**tfaced and somehow, its ok.  I did the same as you, didnt go out on new years, but went out to pick up the drinkers.  I feel like sometimes, its totally fine, but sometimes, you just need to tell them you are not doing it.  I had to sit down and talk to my husband about it, mostly because this is our first, and he was not trying whatsoever to see things from my point of view, or even try to imagine how I must be feeling.  Now, we kinda split things, and sometimes, we will go to things, and he either wont drink, or will just have a couple so Im not the only sober one on my own.

lynnyrd80

Yeah, you just need to stand up for yourself and say no.  I want my friends to be safe, but having to deal with a bunch of drunk people when you are stone cold sober sucks.

I sucked it up and went out with DH and friends for new years.  They chose an expensive all inclusive alcohol event and basically were planning to just take the "pregnant taxi" home.  I told them that was fine, but the "pregnant taxi" was leaving by 12:30.  When 12:15 rolled around, I said I was leaving and if they wanted to a ride they needed to leave when I did.  My DH supported me 100%.  I took most of my friends home then, and the ones that stayed called a real taxi.

Christina_Diane

Do you have the energy to even do these things? My energy really never came back and now that I am at the end of my second trimester, I am so wiped out.

Between the back aches, heartburn, and fatigue, the last thing I want to do is go somewhere and be out late.

If you don't want to do these things, you don't have to. Grown adults who can go out and pay for their own booze are perfectly capable of calling a cab. Talk with your husband and get him to understand. Perhaps you can have your friends over for events where drinking isn't involved so that you still get to participate.

PunkRockPrincess1313

OH chica... I totally feel you. It is hard hard hard being the only sober one AND being more tired and emotional to boot!

I feel like I should at least get paid for this or something!

My friends are all artists and musicians... so yeah...lots of bars and clubs and late nights and most are stoners to boot. So I feel totally isolated lately...

We too always have a DD ...we normally take turns...but now...its just me.

So....yeah.... they are going to owe me BIG TIME once I am back to normal. I figure they owe me 18 months of not having to take a turn.

But your hubby should understand you do not always want to go...especially to the super late night stuff and stuff that is farther away....becomes really not fair.

cj1202

Personally, I don't mind it. Also in my mid 20's-30's..None of my friends have kids, but they all are overly happy for me. They also don't take advantage or assume I will drive, bc there are times, I want to crash early or need to get up in the AM.

But for the most part, I do it because I want to. I want to be around my friends, and I enjoy going out. Yes, drunks can be annoying when you are sober. But, I've come up with a game to entertain myself...I get everyone else really drunk or dare them to do ridiculous things. Silly, yes. But it amazes me the things peope will do if you just ask and give thema little booze.. haha .. I just make the most of it. On NYE, I'm the one the that encouraged the bf to go out to a friend's party, he said he would have been content at home. I figure-- I only have a limited amount of time to *really* spend with these people, and go out and stay out till all hours, if I wanted. If I don't want to, I don't.

But if you'd rather not be the DD, let them know that! Let them know they are grown ups, if they can't afford a taxi -- they  clearly can't afford to go out and drink away $. And like others suggested -- make your own fun, low key plans, where booze isnt involved!  

PregsterDD

I was so there!!!!  I can't completely relate to your story.  I finally just had a heart to heart with my DH.  He will still go to parties without me but he is also fine just drinking at home now too. We have had a few small get togethers over at our house and no one minds if I go to be early.  I have found that this pregnancy has given me the courage and a reason to say NO to things that I just don't want to do, or feel like doing. And I don't feel bad about that!

Gabsar

Thank you for all the advice, alot of times they just assume and I hate saying NO espeically when drinking and driving is involved I'd rather have them be safe, I know once the baby comes they will be super supportive and let me have  a lil fun and be my DD it just feels like my life has gone from Awesome and spontanious to boring and at home on the couch, which I'm starting to enjoy my quiet alone time while my husband goes out, just sometimes i miss the carelessness and fun of a nice night out with a few martinis. only 4 1/2 more months! and then my hubby will be my DD and babysitter for 9months, thats the deal we made last night (even though I don't feel watching your own kid is babysitting, silly boys)