Warning Rainbow baby related all the way.

pottermommy

Ok so I have debated and debated on posting this for the last week or so and I am finally going to post it. 

So the OB doesn't recommend anymore pregancies for me.  And honestly I am ok with Gabriel being the last.  We have Katelyn (SD 7) Kamryn Angel girl who should be turning 5 and now hopefully Gabriel.

I have been ok with him being it for the whole pregnancy but this friday I have to sign the papers for my tubes to be tied while I am in for the CS.  DH is 100% on board here is where I need help.

I am irrationally terrified to do it.  There isn't a safe point for me.  What if something happens to him?  You aren't guaranteed to only have to bury one baby.  Kam was almost 2!! What if he goes away?  That will be it.  I will not ever have another chance. 

How can I make that decision?  I still keep saying if he gets here or hopefully and he is supposed to be here in 2 weeks and 2 days and I am still afraid......DH says is we lost Gabriel that he couldn't have another one anyways and he wouldn't want to try again.

I can't say that.  I want so so so so bad to hold my baby in my arms forever and to have them in my hands.  All I have ever wanted was to be a mommy.  That's it.  I am scared to close the door on that and something happen.  Then I feel guilty b/c I am afraid I am not giving Gabriel the chance to live, I am jinxing him or something....

I am an absolute mess, I have been for a week or so over this, and now with the recent loss on PAL I am absolutely freaking out about it.  And I literally have to have an answer.  The thing is there aren't that many options....For my health I should not get pregnant again, and for that future babies health.....I can't use hormonal BC.  And they are afraid I will have bad complications with the Mirena....

I know what I have to do but I am so scared to do it.  I guess there was no point to this post I just needed to say it...Sorry and thanks for reading this hub jumble of thoughts......

jgengo0

What  tough spot to be in! Don't be sorry, I would have the same exact thoughts. If you know it has to be done here is how I would look at it.

You are doing your best to ensure Katelyn and Gabriel will have a healthy mother and that you will be there for them.

That's my very simplistic answer to a difficult situation, but I hope it helps a little! 

magdalina.h

Don't do it yet. Chart to avoid, only have sex like once a month right after you finish your period until you've gotten to the point where you are okay with the decision. My friend had her tubes tied last February (She has 3 living and 1 stillbirth angel) and her in October she had it reversed. She wasn't comfortable being surgically done. I should be done after our future next one since that will be my 3rd c/s, but I refuse to get my tubes tied.

good luck with this decision

erbarmywife

Even though I know after this baby, I only want one more, I know I could never surgically stop it.  I cant close the window on it, for my sake.  I'm guessing after the next one, the drs will tell me, for my best intrest, to not have any more, because of c/s.  However, it's too permanent for me.  I'm still arguing with hubs about him getting his snipped.  I told him it was too permanent for me!

Petunia844

I know you say you have no choice, but I'm tempted to side with Magdalena on this one... is it really necessary to do it at the same time?  If it will ease your worries can't you just hold off on sex or limit it until you are at peace with the decision?  Or maybe have YH snipped instead as that is much more easily reversed?  I'm sorry you're in a tough spot.

Heatherhah

When I was getting ready to have Sydney the doctor at my 36 wk appt was pushing me to tie my tubes since both of my pregnancies were high risk  and I told her that I didn want to jinx myself and what if  she dies then i won't have the chance to have another baby well you know how my story goes she died 2 weeks later. I was going to get an iud after her because honestly I can't and won't shut the door on the thought of more even though I am going to be 39 in March. Now as we are TTC now I feel like even one more isn't enough like we will always want just one more since Sydney isn't here. I say don't do it and chart if you can or use protection for him LOL. Don't kill your chances the sad thing with us mommies who lost babies we are the ones who worry about things like this where other mommies wouldn't even go there in their thinking. This is just one more reason we aren't naive anymore to all of this. Sorry you are going through this good luck with how you chose i know you will do what is right for you. I am counting down until you have Gabriel I can't wait to see pics of him!! Hugs Heather!!

hewinked

DH and I were done after Adam.  DH was supposed to get a vasectomy.  He had surgery in November, which postponed things, and then Adam died.  Now I'm pregnant again.  DH says that he still wants to get a vasectomy after this baby is born, and if we lose this baby he absolutely does not want to try again.  I, too, cannot say that I'm done.  Adam was 2 months old, so I don't think I'll ever feel safe when/if this baby gets here safely.  I really have no advice for you, but just wanted to tell you that I feel a lot of the same things.  Hugs to you as you make this difficult decision. 

johnnys june

Honestly, I am TERRIFIED that something will happen to my baby regardless of being born healthy....a fear that's been gripping more and more lately

About having your tubes tied...I would wait.  I would not make this decision if you truly aren't sure.  You're still "vulnerable" to your emotions right now.  We still want another child after this one.  Our plan has always been 2.  But even after that, DH and I already discussed that I would just go on birth control until we're both ready for a more permanent decision.  I'm just no comfortable with something so permanent when I have other options. 

dandywarhol

I agree with the PP about waiting to make such a difficult and final decision.  This is a highly emotional time for you and that's ok.  

karebear57

I agree. I would wait and see if you feel that way. Or make hubby do like i was going to do!

drvst8

I agree with the rest of the ladies. Definitely wait if your not sure yet. This is not the best time to make big decisions like that. I say get your hubby fixed when you finally decide.

NicoleD54

I'm sorry you are having to face such a difficult decision. I think I would also have a hard time making such a permanent decision. I agree with the other ladies to wait a while. You could try FAM for the time being, and if you decide to later I know a lot of doctors are now doing a similar procedure to tying tubes in office.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

caitriona87

magdalina.h:

Don't do it yet. Chart to avoid, only have sex like once a month right after you finish your period until you've gotten to the point where you are okay with the decision.

I agree with everyone else...I don't do BC/sterilization at all anyway, but even aside from that I think losing a child would make me think twice (or three or a hundred times) about it even without already having that belief...but just wanted to add something here...I have never used any contraception other than NFP/charting, and if you actually learn a method you can definitely have sex more often than that. There is even one way to practice NFP where there has never once been a recorded method error pregnancy. I'd be happy to give you more info if you are interested.

starrkitten89

I agree with the rest of the ladies.If you are still unsure,I would definitely wait.

I wish you the best of luck with such a difficult decision!

Heather91705

My heart breaks for you all the time, and now to make this decision is so very hard.  I honestly believe you will find the strength to do the right thing and give Gabriel a mommy and not put yourself at risk.  You are so much stronger than you even know.  Also, there is always adoption, many babies need good homes, this does not have to be the end for you.  I know how hard it is, but you have to think optimistically or you will not make it through this (I KNOW it's so much easier said than done).  You will get a healthy baby boy and love him so much. 

Mjmksb04

I am struggling with the same thing. There is no reason I *can't* get pregnant again, since both of my losses are completely unrelated flukes, but my H and I don't think we can go through another pregnancy again after what has happened. I know I need time for my body to heal after being pregnant 3 times in three years and in some ways by the time a year or two goes by, we may not want to start over again. I have been telling myself that even though I never planned on just having one living child, that he will grow up not knowing the difference and will understand when he is older why he never had siblings. Plus, he has a cousin who is only 18 months older than he is who he is very close to. I can't let myself think about the what-ifs if something should happen to him because I wouldn't be able to get out of bed in the morning if I kept thinking negatively like that. Try to enjoy every moment you have with both of your kids and try not to think about the possibilities. I don't have great advice, I guess, but commiserate.