Birth Plan Rant

adrielegorburu

OK - so we touched on the subject not long ago about posts that make us upset (us being preemie moms) and today in my mothers group the topic is birth plans and all the pregnant women are gushing about their birth plans and how they refuse to have any kind of intervention or they are having a home birth or they wont have an epidural unless they are so many centimeters dialated etc. etc. And its getting me more and more worked up - I posted a note saying that its wonderful to have a birth plan in place but when the day comes to "roll with the punches" because birth is simply something that you cannot control and i was dissagreed with by just about everyone who didnt already have a baby - the moms agreed because there are many of them who know that you cant always get what you want when it comes down to it. I had a birth plan - I was adamant about a lot of things - I wanted control and I knew down to what music I wanted played. My birth experience couldnt have been more different than what I planned - I was traumatized by it more than I even appreciated at the time. Most of these woman are my friends and I dont want to knock their plans but I feel like they are setting themselves up for dissappointment  - or maybe I'm just really jealous that they will have births at least close to what they wanted and expected and I ended up with PTSD

ajordan83

I agree with you 1,000%

Mrs. Alice

I just think that a written birth plan is stupid anyway.  When I worked maternity, it was kind of a running joke that the women who come in with a rigid birth plan longer than one page, end up with c-sections

KatFCo

I completely understand where you're coming from. There may be a touch of jealousy there (let's face it, lots of us preemie moms face jealousy of FT moms), but you have a realistic awareness that you can't "plan" a birth. You can say what you hope will happen, but so many things can happen to change things.

A good friend of mine is a physician who told me doctors HATE birth plans, partly because the mothers who create them tend to have unrealistic expectations and are not always willing to listen to reason.

I think having some kind of flexible plan is a good idea, so long as the mother is aware things can change.

adrielegorburu

CurlingRocks:

Mrs. Alice:

I just think that a written birth plan is stupid anyway.  When I worked maternity, it was kind of a running joke that the women who come in with a rigid birth plan longer than one page, end up with c-sections

You'd have loved our birth plan joke (didn't get around to it because of the bed rest... but we still think it would be hilarious):  

Get a really fat binder labeled with an elaborate "My birth plan" cover.  Fill with sudoku puzzles except for first page which reads "Please get baby out safely.  Thank you!"

 

Love it! - mine wasnt that big I guess - I wanted to have a vaginal birth, with option of an epidural if and only if I couldnt do it without blah blah blah - even when I was pregnant I know that you cant always plan for what could happen - My sister ended up with a c-section when she didnt want one and she was FT without any issues. And for those of us on here - well I dont think a single one of us had the birth we planned! I'm not the most "green" mom out there but I dont see anything wrong with planning a home birth or birthing center/doula assisted birth if thats what you want but after being in the NICU I'm so scared for my friends who are planning this stuff - what if something goes wrong? I would rather be in a hospital - but then again I know exactly what can go wrong - before DD I never thought any of this would happen to me! but it does happen all the time!

jenmikw

I planned to have a hypno-birth, but in all honesty want to have as close to a natural birth as I could.  I was realistic that if anything went wrong that I would accept medical intervention.

I didn't even go into labour. FAIL. 

cottonlily84

I didn't have this ornate birth plan with all the most minute details mapped out.  It was more like this: I want to have this baby as naturally as possible with the least amount of intervention necessary and to be informed before anything is done to me or the baby.  And that was never even put to paper, just discussed at appointments.  Well........I got my wish in reality.  In reality as naturally "as possible" wasn't at all, the least intervention necessary was a lot and I was indeed told before hand what needed to be done after my water broke, in the OR, before DD went to NICU, etc.  So I got what I asked for but of course I didn't get what I want.  I'm disappointed with how it went.  Had I written a 4 page birth plan and had to settle for the crap I got I'd still be disappointed.  Maybe if I went in with no expectations or planning I wouldn't have been disappointed but that would have been from lack of preparation on my part.  Ignorance is bliss you know. 

Still I believe in birth plans.  I would never recommend anyone, even first time moms, to forego a birth plan just because you can't ever get everything you want.  Without one I was comfortable with I would have felt more afraid and out of control.  I did my research, made decisions I felt best for us and hoped for the best.  Since I did I feel less broadsided, less like just another statistic.  In the hospital I didn't have the "what if I had done x, y, or z differently" because I had planned as much as I could.  No one can fully prepare for emergencies though as they are all different.  But honestly if you don't define what you think you want you might be persuaded in a weak moment to do something you regret later (like when the NICU nurse asks if baby can have a pacifier, we had already discussed that).  You just have to keep in mind that plans do (often!) go awry and then roll with punches. 

One thing I will admit to being similar to your friends - I said, VOWED really, I would not under no circumstances never ever have a c-section.  I totally, adamantly, completely refused.  Well *** happens and here I sit with an ugly 6" reminder of how wrong things can go.  Am I jealous of those women who get their perfect birth plan?  You bet I am.  And there's nothing wrong with you feeling the same.  Disappointment is a natural, normal emotion and reaction. 

appylovee

I'm pregnant with my first baby and I agree with you 100%!! I'm high risk, and just taking things week by week, hoping and praying that we at least make it to 30 weeks.