Native American Names (girl)

Mamasaurus

My husband likes a few names that are the names of Native American tribes. I have read that depending on the tribe, it's basically the cultural equivalent of a non-Muslim naming their son Mohammed, or something slightly less offensive but still, at best, impolite. On top of that, the one he likes the best would fall at #9 or #10 on a top ten list for me if regarded neutrally, so while it is his favorite name, it isn't mine by a long shot.

I tried to compromise by looking up some names from Native American words or traditions, like Winona and Tallulah, but he's much less enthusiastic about them. He had this name in his head before we ever met, but I do not want to choose a name that is offensive, especially not if I feel very lukewarm about it even when thinking of it without its cultural context. I am not sure how to help us agree on a name, though. It doesn't help that of about 40 names I have shown him, he only likes/has really considered two.

What do you think? Am I being a PITA about this, or should he try to be more flexible? What did you do/are you doing to resolve a stalemate about names with the other parent or your family, if they are involved in the naming process? Should names from colonized cultures be off limits for people from the colonizing culture?

krissyh21

Nope your not being a PITA for not breaking. I think a couple needs to like a name equally.

What H and I did was print off a list of 1000 names (he likes names that are on the popular side so going off the SS list wouldn't have worked for us) and we each crossed of names that we hated. Then we looked to discover that we actually DID have a few names that we both liked (I never thought it possible!) Then we took those names and worked our way down. 

pennysuedog

You throw the name into the garbage bin and start over until you can both agree

526SadieSadie

I don't think you're a PITA at all, it's your child too.  There's no reason you should let DH name her something you're not behind 100%.

When we have reached an impasse, the name goes off the list.  That goes for names only he likes and names only I like.  The right one is out there, you two have to compromise.

If you're not Native American, I think it might be odd (depending on the name) to give your child an Native name, but I don't think that only applies to colonized cultures, to use your words.  If you liked a traditionally Asian or African name and neither of you were of Asian or African decent, I'd still think it was odd.

All that being said, I think the MN spot is perfect for names that you're "meh" about and he loves.  Give her a FN you agree on and let him give her the Native MN he likes - maybe add the proviso that if you have another child, you get the deciding vote on his or her MN...

LuckyMissus

Agree that you are not PITA, and I would add that I feel you on the whole cultural sensitivity concerns as well. 

calli0pe00

krissyh21:

Nope your not being a PITA for not breaking. I think a couple needs to like a name equally.

What H and I did was print off a list of 1000 names (he likes names that are on the popular side so going off the SS list wouldn't have worked for us) and we each crossed of names that we hated. Then we looked to discover that we actually DID have a few names that we both liked (I never thought it possible!) Then we took those names and worked our way down. 

That is a really great idea! This reminds me of an exercise DH and I did in our pre-marriage class about what was most important to us.

CiderWench

The Native American community I know IS offended by people using their tribal names as first names. I wouldn't do it, and think you are right to be concerned.

Even if the name weren't offensive, I don't think you are being a PITA. Both partners deserve to love the name chosen for their child. If one of you can't get on board with a name, then it's out. Period.

Mamasaurus

Thanks for the advice! Maybe a more systematic approach to our list will help. : )

Aurora_Borealis

You are not being a PITA about this. It is important to come to a mutual agreement as to what you will name your child.

And, FWIW, my family is Native American (I biologically am not as I was adopted - an unusual situation, I know) and can vouch that it is both weird and offensive for a non-Native American to name their child the name of a tribe. It is also weird and possibly offensive for a tribal member to name their child the name of a tribe - I don't know of a tribal member who has done it either in my family's tribe or a neighboring one. So, anyway, please don't do it, even for a middle name. Particularly if you live in an area with a Native American community. It will send the message that you are either a) clueless, b) falsely claiming tribal affiliation or worse, c) making some sort of anti-Native statement. Not great messages to send, especially unintentionally.

On a more positive note, you have 2 names to use as starting points with YH since you said he responded to only that many of the 40 you suggested. You only need 1, so that is not a bad place to be.

And sorry to be so long, but to answer your question about naming stalemate, MH & I agreed upfront that we both had to like the name we picked for our LO. So we separately came up with lists of names we liked, looked at each others lists, crossed off the names we hated and started the discussion from there. We're team green and as it turns out the girl name we chose was on both of our top 5. The boy name we chose was one of my favorites that MH hadn't before considered, but really likes.

FrecklesInside

I completely agree with everyone else. You and H need to both love the name you give your LO. Even if I LOVE a name, if he doesn't like it, we cross it off. Same thing if he loves one but I don't.