Help With Infant Custody

HattieLove

I'm having a baby girl in February and the baby's father and I recently broke up. He is a very good person and I definitely want him to be in her life as much as possible. I don't want to take him to court but we have to figure out a way to co-parent. 

Right now he is pretty angry at me and doesn't really want to be around me, but if that's the only way he can see his daughter, he'll put up with it. So I have some questions:

When can she spend nights away from me? I'm planning on breastfeeding but I was hoping at some point I can pump enough for her to stay overnight with him, is this reasonable?

How long can she be away from me at a time? I know a lot of this will end up being what I'm comfortable with, but any advice would be helpful.

What else should I figure out? What are the things we're risking by parenting separately? I just want her to be as happy as possible. I'm so worried for her.

 

covertxxamour

I haven't gone through this completely yet. Luckily, your baby's father is willing to "put up" with you to see his daughter. My baby's father is being the exact opposite, and unfortunately, I didn't do anything wrong to him. So I have to go through the court system.

 When can she spend nights away from you? I'd honestly say it won't be right off the bat. Pumping is great, but if it were me, I'd try to steer away from the bottle for a little while before introducing it. It's reasonable to pump at some point, but I don't think you should worry about overnights for quite a few months.

 How long can she be away from you? My parents actually just let my DD spend the night at their house (she's almost 4 months old). She wasn't herself, and barely ate anything. She was hard to get to sleep too. Once she got home the next morning, she was her happy self and ate like a pig! I honestly think she missed me. I guess you can play it by ear, but when she's young, she needs her mommy more than anything!

Just a suggestion to you, even if you're doing this without the court, please make sure you document EVERYTHING right now. Especially since things aren't very smooth between you and the father right now, I would hate to see him screw you over somehow. So just document when you talk to him, when he asks about your daughter, etc. I would also recommend that you still get everything approved somehow. Whether you get a mediator and work everything out, and then take it to court for approval... or something. But I'd definitely make sure you get it in writing, and signed off upon.

Your daughter will be just fine.  I know it's hard to say, but don't worry. You'll take great care of her, and you'll get through this. Keep your head up.

btj357

I don't know the exact answer for your questions, it will very with every different situation. From what i know, overnights are not for a while. And i also agree with the previous post. Document everything that happens, especially the things that kinda flag your attention. Personally I would get it official because if something bad would happen, god forbid, if he keeps the baby from you some times you are pretty powerless. so i would make it official with the court so he can't just keep her from you.

good luck!

MsJosie

Lakinn:

I don't know the exact answer for your questions, it will very with every different situation. From what i know, overnights are not for a while. And i also agree with the previous post. Document everything that happens, especially the things that kinda flag your attention. Personally I would get it official because if something bad would happen, god forbid, if he keeps the baby from you some times you are pretty powerless. so i would make it official with the court so he can't just keep her from you.

good luck!

 

I agree with all of this! Go through the court just so there is a paper trail. My biggest fear would be that he would run with her or not give her back to me. My ex and I don't get along at all and his petition for visitation was dismissed in court so any time that he has wanted to see her I am always there too!!! He never sees her alone. You never know when he may flip out or do something to spite you. Good luck!

FyreFlyeRush

Definitely go to court. It's not like it's a bad thing. They'll establish paternity and custody, and probably child support. If they two of you agree on visitation, they'll make that official, too. In Texas, unsupervised visitation is age 2. I think overnight is that age, too. A baby doesn't even recognize they are a separate being from their mother until 6-9 mos. That's why separation anxiety kicks in around that time. I'd say at least a year. But, that's just me. And, again, I'd definitely go to court and make it all legal and official.