Moms of 3 ?

misjenn

So I looonnnggg for another baby. I am overall just scared for my health because of the previous 2.We planned on ours being close together (thought it may be more than 18 months but Dr.V is amazing) Anyways here are my questions:

If your kids are more than 2-3 years apart how do they do together?

Did the 3rd kind of throw the balance off with the older 2 (Right now Linc and Em play together and love being together)

How far apart is too far apart in your opinion?

mlf625

I don't have 3 yet, but I hope to!  I come from a family of three and have always wanted 3.  I feel like it's the perfect number.  There was always someone to play with as a kid.  The house just felt full.  If I go home for a holiday, there's always at least one of my siblings there.  DH just has one sister and his family, while lovely, just feels so much quieter to me.

I think a gap is fine.  I'm 4.5 years older than my sister and 8 years older than my brother.  I did wish they were closer to my age when I was a kid, but now, the age difference is nothing. We're extremely close and I consider them both my best friends.  My first two are 17 months apart, so obviously, a 3rd would be farther spaced than that (minimum 2 1/2 years younger than DD).  I don't think it matters much.  I don't know that I would've survived a 3rd 17 months after DD, anyway.  2u2 once was enough for me.  

ETA: as far as the balance, I will say my parents (and friends who have had a 3rd) say the 3rd kid definitely makes life crazy.  My mom says that's when she felt like she had to just give up some control and let things go.  I remember my uncle saying (after their 3rd was born) that he had no idea what a cake walk 2 was until they had 3.  But .... I said that about going from 1 to 2, as well.  We'd survive.

bluestreet

I have 3 with 4 years between each. I'm finding 3 much easier than 2, for various reasons. First, and most importantly, DD3 has been an easy baby. I'm sure if she'd had colic I would feel quite different. But the other factor is that my older two have played with each other and helped out while I tend to the baby. The spacing definitely helps. My eldest is 8, so she has been a tremendous help. Like, she can watch DD3 while I take a shower! And my 4-year-old goes potty by herself (mostly) and can help herself to a string cheese or tangerine snack. When I had just an almost 4-year-old and a newborn, I was losing my mind trying to keep the 4-year-old occupied.

As for getting along, it just depends on the kids more than anything.That's my experience, and a lot of the women on this board seem to corroborate that view. There are siblings who are 18 months apart who don't get along at all, and siblings 8 years apart who are best buddies. Currently, my eldest is in love with her baby sister, but she and my 4-year-old fight constantly. 

So, no worries, it'll be great!

joyco

My sister and I are 3.5 years apart.  While we are BFFs *now*, it certainly wasn't that way growing up.  We HATED each other.  Fought all the time.  If I were in control of having kids (i.e. didn't have them both at once), I would have definitely had them close together (more than a year, but less than 3), hoping they would grow up with similar interests, etc, so they wouldn't hate each other.  KWIM?

misjenn

joyco:

My sister and I are 3.5 years apart.  While we are BFFs *now*, it certainly wasn't that way growing up.  We HATED each other.  Fought all the time.  If I were in control of having kids (i.e. didn't have them both at once), I would have definitely had them close together (more than a year, but less than 3), hoping they would grow up with similar interests, etc, so they wouldn't hate each other.  KWIM?

Yup that was our plan because my siblings and I are all 4.5 years apart and never really were in the same "phase" of life. I have an older brother and then 2 half siblings but I have also never lived with any of them either so I have the advantage/disadvantage of being a youngest/middle/only child. So ideally we would have had any and all kids about 1-2 years apart but if we have another it will be at least 3 years from Linc. 

ec3under4

I will say that three has rocked our world but it has been amazing. Its been amazing to see how much my older two adore him and Care for him. It's been fun for me because I am much more relaxed and carefree on things that I would never have done With the other two. I am kind of in the same boat as you as I REALLY want a fourth but I have horrible pregnancies and also a husband who can't physically do anything right now. The spacing between my three are all less than 2 years and it's been great But if we go for a fourth, it will be some time until that happens. I think that although I yearn for another, I will evaluate again when the timing is right and maybe at that point it wont seem right anymore or maybe it will, we are just waiting to see. I have a friend who has two that are 3 years apart and then they intentionally had a third 5 years later and they absolutely love it. The older kids love her and the mom just likes that she has so much time to devote to her while her others are in school. Sorry, I'm on my phone so please ignore all the errors!

Taytee

DH and his sister are 5 years apart which is why he wanted our kids so close together. 5 was WAY too far apart. They were never even in the same school. Which I know some of us closer together to our siblings think we would have loved but I agree with PP about being at the same place in life. When DH was dating, his sister was still playing with Barbies.

mcgee

I don't have 3, but my two are 3.5 years apart, and for us it has worked really well. Meredith was potty trained by the time Alex came along, and she was old enough that she could actually help me by bringing me a diaper, a pacifier, etc., and she really WANTED to help. She's very much the little mommy type. It also helped that she was old enough that she could walk beside me in the grocery store, climb into the car by herself, put her own clothes on, etc. It made life with a newborn less stressful.

Because of where their birthdays fall in terms of school cutoff dates, they'll be four years apart in school, so I get to enjoy Alex being at home with me all day while Meredith is in school, and I don't have to deal with paying for preschool for two kids at once. Plus there's the distinct possibility that we may be able to get Meredith through her undergrad degree before Alex starts college.

The only downside to the age difference is that it made going on long walks for exercise pretty much impossible. She was too big for us to get much use out of a double stroller, but she was too little to keep up with me on a long walk at a brisk pace. That's about it though. 

My sister and I are almost 4 years apart too, and it seemed to work well for our parents. I have heard that if you have five or more years between children with no other kids in between that personality-wise, those kids are likely to both be Type A first borns/only children, but IDK how true that is. My mother and her sister are 13 years apart, and it didn't hold true for them. They weren't close growing up, but they are extremely close now.

ali-1411

Taytee:

DH and his sister are 5 years apart which is why he wanted our kids so close together. 5 was WAY too far apart. They were never even in the same school. Which I know some of us closer together to our siblings think we would have loved but I agree with PP about being at the same place in life. When DH was dating, his sister was still playing with Barbies.

Not arguing but I've had a completely different experience.  My sister and I are 5 years apart but we were still close.  When she was in high school and I was 11 or 12 or so, I loved when she'd let me tag along with her friends.  We fought, shared secrets like any sisters close in age would do.  And now that we're both married with kids the 5 years doesn't matter at all.

Jakob and Layna are 6.5 years apart and I love it.  Most people wouldn't want to wait that long between kids and if circumstances were different, I probably wouldn't have either.  But it works out awesome.  They spend a lot of time together and I can totally see them being close as they get older.  

There's no math formula when it comes to the right age gap.  Its all about you and your kids personalities.  Personally, I'd never be able to handle 2 or 3 toddlers and babies at the same time, I wouldn't be a happy functioning person that way.  I'd be a very stressed and frazzled woman.  Some people love having their kids close in age though.  

molliedb

i agree it depends a lot on you and your kids!  my siblings were 3 within 3 years.  dh's siblings were 4 and 8 years older than him.  we both knew we wanted ours close and we went with it.  life is a little nuts right now but we're making it

longhorn14

I can't speak for having three children but have you considered adoption for #3 since your health is at risk during pregnancy?

misjenn

longhorn14:

I can't speak for having three children but have you considered adoption for #3 since your health is at risk during pregnancy?

I would LOVE to adopt and actually started the process of hiring a lawyer before I was married and didn't really plan to get married and concentrate on a career and child. Anyway DH would love a 3rd and is not open to adoption (he has valid reasons) we are just waiting for the hemotologist/OB to release me for the go. It scares the CRAP out of me because of the massive health risk I have during pregnancy so it is still up in the air. Our main concern is the balance of the kids not necessarily how the heck will we deal with it. They just have such a strong bond we don't want to mess up any dynamic. Does that makes any sense at all?

jakbtx

misjenn:

Did the 3rd kind of throw the balance off with the older 2 (Right now Linc and Em play together and love being together)

no, it was the complete opposite for us. my #1 and #2 had (and still do to a degree) an intense relationship w each other and #3 really helped the balance. their relationship has changed dramatically since #3 came along, all for the better. my boys are all about 2 yrs apart.

i also felt i got a do-over on the sibling baby warm fuzzies. my #1 had little interest in #2 as a baby, in fact it was usually hostile interest towards him. my #1 changed so much by the time #3 came along (he was just shy of 4) and was really into him. my #2 too (into the baby). anyway, now my baby is 2 and we are entering new territory. I was the stressed/frazzled mom w/baby/toddler combos that ali mentioned, but now it is so much better! i love having our little gang!!

misjenn

jakbtx:

misjenn:

Did the 3rd kind of throw the balance off with the older 2 (Right now Linc and Em play together and love being together)

no, it was the complete opposite for us. my #1 and #2 had (and still do to a degree) an intense relationship w each other and #3 really helped the balance. their relationship has changed dramatically since #3 came along, all for the better. my boys are all about 2 yrs apart.

i also felt i got a do-over on the sibling baby warm fuzzies. my #1 had little interest in #2 as a baby, in fact it was usually hostile interest towards him. my #1 changed so much by the time #3 came along (he was just shy of 4) and was really into him. my #2 too (into the baby). anyway, now my baby is 2 and we are entering new territory. I was the stressed/frazzled mom w/baby/toddler combos that ali mentioned, but now it is so much better! i love having our little gang!!

Thank you! This is exactly what I needed. Now for getting the dr's on board I can start with baby #3. ;-) 

Thanks everyone for the experiences/advice y'all have too!

longhorn14

misjenn:

longhorn14:

I can't speak for having three children but have you considered adoption for #3 since your health is at risk during pregnancy?

I would LOVE to adopt and actually started the process of hiring a lawyer before I was married and didn't really plan to get married and concentrate on a career and child. Anyway DH would love a 3rd and is not open to adoption (he has valid reasons) we are just waiting for the hemotologist/OB to release me for the go. It scares the CRAP out of me because of the massive health risk I have during pregnancy so it is still up in the air. Our main concern is the balance of the kids not necessarily how the heck will we deal with it. They just have such a strong bond we don't want to mess up any dynamic. Does that makes any sense at all?

That makes perfect sense. I wouldn't imagine it'd mess up any dynamic between E & L... a third child would just add to the fun they'll have especially if they're close in age.

FusionLMT

My mom had my brothers and I in under 4 years (1 year between me and my older brother, 1.5 years between me and my younger brother). We were not that close growing up, and are not close now as adults. As a few people have pointed out, spacing depends on the personalities of the kids, not in the age differences. Granted, we want 3 or 4 and want a short spacing between each one, but that is mainly to have my baby making/ breast feeding days over with as soon as possible.