Advice.. Am I being overprotective???

corbittm

My son is in kindergarten and there is a girl in his class that treats him like she is the boss of him. He comes home and tells me she is only nice when the teacher is watching or when I am there. I went to lunch with him and he is allowed to have 1 friend sit with us. The girl "told" him she will be the sitting with us. He didn't seem to mind and he doesn't act like it upsets him. I was watching to see how he reacted because I want him to know how to handle certain situations. BUT I am starting to wonder if it's more than the kindergarten girl likes boy situation. I think he may be getting bullied by her in a way? I want him to be a gentleman, but defend himself at the same time. How would you handle this? 

ali-1411

I would just tell him that its okay if he doesn't want to play with her.  Does she get mad when he tries to play with other kids?  If she does, then I would want him to understand that its her problem, not his. 

Taytee

Not being familiar with the ins and outs of kindergarten, I'd involve the teacher. Express your concerns that your son isn't developing boundries. Ask your son at home at times how he feels and allow him to make decisions for himself instead of making decisions to make you or DH happy. If it seems he is bending just to make you happy, try to guide him into thinking critically to express how he really feels (mad,sad etc). If he is the opposite, uncompromising at home and being steamrolled buy this girl at school, he may just be experimenting with his feelings and learning how to operate under different circumstances, KWIM?

carlinlp

Taytee:

Not being familiar with the ins and outs of kindergarten, I'd involve the teacher. Express your concerns that your son isn't developing boundries. Ask your son at home at times how he feels and allow him to make decisions for himself instead of making decisions to make you or DH happy. If it seems he is bending just to make you happy, try to guide him into thinking critically to express how he really feels (mad,sad etc). If he is the opposite, uncompromising at home and being steamrolled buy this girl at school, he may just be experimenting with his feelings and learning how to operate under different circumstances, KWIM?

 

I agree with this. These skills are important to learn at a young age bc they are vital in higher grades such as middle school. My oldest is a people pleaser and at times it really worries me. There is such a fine line between being well behaved/respectful and standing up for yourself with confidence when needed. Add in peer pressures and it's tough. I also agree with involving the teacher. I would focus on asking how your child reacts to others rather than accusing behaviors of others (not that you would, just saying). It's a good learning opportunity for your child to begin to learn that you will come across vastly different types of people and learning how to best deal with them while staying true to yourself. We've used similar situations to reinforce the "it's ok to say no to things that make you uncomfortable" conversations with our children.  

A&Jmom

I haven't dealt with this situation exactly, but we have had DD come home with stories about what other kids say and do to her often.  There is one particular boy who argues with everything she says and it drives her crazy.  We use it as a teachable moment. We talk to her about how it makes her feel and try to give her the tools to work it out with the other student.

If I really thought it was a problem I would mention it to the teacher, but more than likely I would not make a big deal out of it with them.  Just get her take on how your DS handles this girl.  It is good for them, in my opinion, to try to work these things out for themselves,  with us giving them guidance and the tools.