How to begin divorce proceedings?

BeachBlondie456

My dh left last night. I guess it was long time coming. I have one LO with him and we have been married one year. He gets out of the army In four weeks and is hoping to get an overseas contracting job. I guess I need advice on what to do next. I quit my job at 38 weeks pregnant. I have no money at all. I'm assuming he will be cutting me off from the bank account in a couple days. Can I get him ordered to pay for my attorney? Will I get any kind of support? How do I start the Proceedings. Since he is leaving, will they give me sole custody of LO? Any advice? I am staying with my mother now. Thanks ladies.

PrincessFiona9

Well if you're listed on the checking account, I would clear it out (or take whatever you need) before he removes you so that you will have money to live on for a little while. I've never been married so I don't have any info about divorcing..

DaringMiss

First thing tomorrow, set up your own bank account.  Take half of what is in the joint account and put it in there.

If your husband is military, I believe there are military lawyers who can help you with the paperwork.  You can have the child support taken out of his military paycheck.  There is probably a formula in your state for how much CS you can get for his his pay level, so this isn't really a number he can debate.

Since you will need a job, you should make sure that a day care contribution is written into your Child Support agreement.  Since he will be away for an extended period of time (if he gets that overseas contract, he will not be able to supply any day to day presence in your child's life.  That may influence the percentage he is expected to pay towards day care.

Millions of women have gone through this and survived and even flourished.  You will too.  Protect yourself, know your rights and proceed forward with your head held high.

mamastich

DaringMiss:

First thing tomorrow, set up your own bank account.  Take half of what is in the joint account and put it in there.

If your husband is military, I believe there are military lawyers who can help you with the paperwork.  You can have the child support taken out of his military paycheck.  There is probably a formula in your state for how much CS you can get for his his pay level, so this isn't really a number he can debate.

Since you will need a job, you should make sure that a day care contribution is written into your Child Support agreement.  Since he will be away for an extended period of time (if he gets that overseas contract, he will not be able to supply any day to day presence in your child's life.  That may influence the percentage he is expected to pay towards day care.

Millions of women have gone through this and survived and even flourished.  You will too.  Protect yourself, know your rights and proceed forward with your head held high.

 

All I know about is legal on base, but get there first. If he does then you do not have use of it anymore. Just be smart and make the moves first. He probably thinks youre going to sit around. GL! 

crystalt426

(lurker with a little army advice)

Military lawyers can't get involved in civil matters, unless you are both military. If you are a civilian, he can't use the lawyers and neither can you. They can however point you in the direction of a lawyer that knows the military ins and outs. Since he is getting out of the army any way, it may not even matter.

 

missiemae

You start divorce preceedings by going to a lawyer and filing  or going to the courthouse and filing.

You need to be prepared for things to get nasty, to be your own advocate, and to take care of your LO yourself as your LO's father may not always be accountable for his responsibilities. It's a tough, rocky journey that just plain sucks and there will be days when you may not know where you will muster the strength to continue.

I would empty out the bank account. You need to be sure that you can take care of you and your LO. If you have to "owe" him money in the divorce it won't be until the divorce is done and you will need to take care of your LO during the process of the divorce and he may or may not be ordered to pay the state rate of child support (my soon to be x was ordered to pay $238 less than state guidelines...ugh! So I am trying to get by with $500/mo with 3 under 5yrs AND still trying to pay all the marital debts without help from him as well as our daily living expenses and nothing for help with medical ins or medical bills).
I am at the tail end (Lord willing) of a 21month divorce that is considered to be an extremly complicated case and even my x's lawyer says he has never met someone so irrational in his 35yrs of practice. My x cleaned out all our money and is a horrible person in general!
Oh, I have also learned from my soon to be x that you need to get your own account, but don't put too much $ in as if there isn't a paper trail it doesn't exist and you appear and can claim you are worse off than you are. (Yes, I am bitter. Not just cause he took all of our money, but he doens't care what his kids have to do without and how his self entitlement directly affects the kids).
Sorry this ended up being more of a vent for me!!!

I am sorry you have to go through this. Keep your priorities in line and in your dark hours let your LO's smile and light in his/her eyes help you through. And most of all good luck!